Hell's Doors Stay Open

Poem written by Lonelyhearts1224 on Monday 15, October 2018

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The hardships she must endure to provide for her family

Overall Rating: 93.8%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 93.8% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Spelling & Grammar:100%
Towards work she's bound and ready; Hell's doors stay open throughout the night. Unmitigated need, pure faith and bold determination have prepped her for its plight. Forged glees befog the seeded sorrow; So customers can't see. Forbidden pride, is swallowed; Vain stares, must let them be... This heckled woman is humbled; must deflect the slights they throw. Asleep she left her tokens; Her greatest treasure trove. Her spirit is chained and shattered; A distressed sinking vessel lost at sea. Showcase a grand performance; Assume their muderous spree. written on: August 7, 2018

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    It flowed pretty nicely except line 3. Didn't realize showcase was hyphenated.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Lonely, trying to get used to the ungrammarly grammar of modern 'poetry' so I guess by that standard "she bound" instead of "she's bound" fits in s1/l1 but it still grates on my ears. Pretty smooth out loud, except what Greg commented on & s4/l2. Also, a sinking ship being distressed is kind of redundant. S3/l3 divided at the comma would be more consistent & all stanzas would have 4 lines (if that matters). Last stanza puzzling & not sure of the antecedent of "their" in last line. The message came through loud and clear. As usual, you should take my dinosaur view of poetry into consideration regarding my comments.
    Very sad.