Angels That Surround Us
Description
I was inspired by the kindness a stranger showed towards my family and myself.| This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 21.8% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results: | |
| Concept/Plot: | 100% |
| Imagery: | 0% |
| Spelling & Grammar: | 9% |
| Flow/Rhythm: | 0% |
| Vocabulary: | 0% |
The sweetest thing is knowing, that I'am not alone
When faith and hope are teetering...
an Angel comes along
In different forms and sizes
they surround us every day
To give support and kindness
to all who might just stray
So when you're out there wondering
in this great world of ours
Regretting life and feeling lonely
cause nothing turns out right
Remember, there are Angels still watching over you
You'll see their acts of clemency
in all good deeds we do
written: April 2017
The only thing that disturbed me is that you started with " an Angel comes along" than you switched into plural. But since I'm not a native English speaker I might be wrong.
This read well except for a couple of places:
The first line seems as if it should be split into 2 to fit the rest.
'Remember, there are Angels still watching over you' doesn't read smoothly.
'... I'am...' either "I am" or "I'm" ("I am" flows better to me)
the word 'clemency' doesn't fit well
The shift from specific to general (singular to plural) didn't bother me until I read Eye's comment. Eye has a point. The words don't need to change but I think it would be better if there was some separation between the first 3 lines (4 lines if you heed my suggestion above) & the next, maybe by making stanzas or using punctuation.
Don't know how this got a 22% rating: it's much better than that. Hell, I could write poetry that deserves better than 22%! After the first few writings I commented on here I stopped using the rating system because I don't think it helps.
Write on.