Angels That Surround Us
Description
I was inspired by the kindness a stranger showed towards my family and myself.| This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 21.8% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results: | |
| Concept/Plot: | 100% |
| Imagery: | 0% |
| Spelling & Grammar: | 9% |
| Flow/Rhythm: | 0% |
| Vocabulary: | 0% |
The sweetest thing is knowing,
that I am not alone.
When faith and high hopes teeter...
The Angels comes along.
In diverse shapes and sizes,
they surround us every day.
They provide supportive kindness,
to whom might feel dismay.
So when you're out exploring
in this great land of ours.
Regretting life, just feeling lonely,
cause plans don't turn out right.
Stay calm and Just remember,
There are Angels watching over you;
You'll find their acts of clemency,
When a stranger helps you through.
written: April 2017
The only thing that disturbed me is that you started with " an Angel comes along" than you switched into plural. But since I'm not a native English speaker I might be wrong.
This read well except for a couple of places:
The first line seems as if it should be split into 2 to fit the rest.
'Remember, there are Angels still watching over you' doesn't read smoothly.
'... I'am...' either "I am" or "I'm" ("I am" flows better to me)
the word 'clemency' doesn't fit well
The shift from specific to general (singular to plural) didn't bother me until I read Eye's comment. Eye has a point. The words don't need to change but I think it would be better if there was some separation between the first 3 lines (4 lines if you heed my suggestion above) & the next, maybe by making stanzas or using punctuation.
Don't know how this got a 22% rating: it's much better than that. Hell, I could write poetry that deserves better than 22%! After the first few writings I commented on here I stopped using the rating system because I don't think it helps.
Write on.