No Borders Between Space

Sci-Fi Story written by ericShaneB on Thursday 19, July 2018

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I am really challenged with this story because it is told in the first person. The main character's perspective changes from a person using the normal amount of his brain to using all of his brain. [about the story] An ordinary person is chosen by a group of alien races to captain a ship. They are given the responsibility to safeguard technology while building a crew from all the nations of Earth. He is faced with the challenge of new capabilities, new knowledge and the politics of having technology everyone wants.

Overall Rating: 48%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 48% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Spelling & Grammar:45%
NO BORDER BETWEEN SPACE Prologue to Day One 12-15-2018 Ships Log spaceship, (no name) - Charley Brigg; acting Captain. I was called upon to represent Earth and oversee an alien spaceship as ‘Guardian’. Who the aliens are and from where they come, I do not know. It is odd that they would want an Earthling and a common person at that, to have autonomy over the ship and its technology. Regardless of the decision, the fact is, I am entrusted with that authority. The timeframe for which I am to perform this role has yet to be determined. During my control, I have been partnered with an alien to guide me. Although it was my actions that brought me to the ship, the technology I was subjected to was not my choice. It is important to note; one could not have happened without the other. Nevertheless, I chose. There were two prominent moments to my arrival on the spaceship; the point in which I had become the most aware and the implementation of knowledge, which initiated my physical and mental changes. Again, one would not have happened without the other. The most perplexing of my changes happened over the last 24 hours. I feel it is best, to start my log, where I had become fully aware. I became aware. I became more aware of myself every minute since it happened— ‘life’ was no longer happening to me. My decision to be here meant ‘life’ was happening because of me. I could sense everything in my body and around me; I could actually see ‘life’ happening in me. The connection I had with the spaceship allowed ‘life’ to happen for me in the decisions I made as Guardian. The frequencies I controlled on the ship enabled me to recognize ‘life’ was happening through me. Such a distinction between positive and negative energy was never clearer. In space, the building blocks of life collected together in micro-pockets of twirling rainbows of light. They mimicked large galaxies far away. Large or small, I realized I was ‘life’. Yes, I was aware. Optimism filled me parked in space on the dark side of the moon. Behind me, watching me stood Jemma-we, my Guide. My hands moved in front of me through the controls as someone conducting an orchestra. I squeezed them together between operations. In my movements in and out, bright shaded hues followed my hands. Collapsing them together; colored frequencies rained down in lines, pulsating on the bridge around me, and out in space. It was actual magic in my hands, mind, and what I could see. The life-altering changes were from alien technology coalescing with me. “You are seeing frequencies clearly,” Jemma-we asked. “Yes, I never knew science like this existed. I just never saw it. Who would have thought frequencies were ubiquitous and always around, even as I grew up in Dayton?” “I don’t understand it, she said” I could sense her walking up from behind getting closer. “You are not wearing an Ocular and shouldn’t be seeing unassisted. It is quite amazing, I mean, you are human.” “I looked at her over my shoulder and smiled. She really kept me thinking as my Guide. I felt like a yo-yo at times from her words. They didn’t always instill confidence. “There are color frequencies everywhere in everything. You can’t see them?” “Yes,” she gawked at me, eyes glazed over in scrutiny. “Not to the extinct you can.” You should not have been able to fly the ship here without the Ocular. I turned back to the controls. The stale smell on the large ship lingered because we were the only two on it. “I am just glad I decided to come, I replied. “I’ve always wanted to do something unequivocal." Her hand softly landed on the small of my back, it was cold. I shivered. “We should go to the infirmary Guardian.” The cold and excitement left me aquiver. She must ice them up in space first? “Calling me Guardian seems strange. Call me by name, Charley Brigg,” I said looking back at her. Her eyelashes batted heavily down on her large eyes. She stared at me for a long moment “Charley Brigg is that what they call you on Earth Guardian.” “Yes, just Charley Jemma-we,” I’m no Rock or Prince I smirked. She didn’t get my humor, why would she? She was alien. “We really should go to the infirmary.” She was singularly motivated. I hardly knew her though, we just met hours earlier. The alien delegation of 9 races said I was ‘Guardian’ of the ship. Why me, I wondered? Genetically chosen or not, the selection felt more random. Moreover, it came with vicissitudes. It’s too bad no one knew their extent in how it affected me or would affect me. Maybe going to the infirmary was actually a good idea. “Give me a moment,” I said. My movements in the controls created solids around my fingers from frequency I manipulated. I felt good, not ill; stronger, faster, and more focused. The increased physical and mental changes made me think I could again be a warrior on the ice. I was feeling ten years younger. Unfortunately, the alien changes weren’t initiated so I could be a hockey player. My heart was big on the ice, but it didn’t translate into being the best player. The effort got me into the NHL though. “The heart can accomplish amazing things,” I mumbled. Maybe that’s why I was here. Outside my viewing screen, the building blocks of life floated by in space, the Stardust made up 90% of the human body. Micro clouds of ionized hydrogen pockets highlighted them. The free protons and electrons would help power the ship. My building blocks came in the form of; courage, kindness, respect, appreciation, and love— a foundation built in me by my parents and grandparents as I started to crawl. “It’s an acronym,” my dad used to say. A tear appeared and disappeared as quickly as it came. My emotion came and went. Was I losing my humanity? The more I thought about my foundation, the more human I felt. The solids I created with my fingers from frequency came and went in front of me. I took the alien reactions in stride like everything else since waking up in change. I heard the words ‘Now Charley’ in my brain, words embedded there from course correction growing up. I am aware today because of my family’s critical guidance. “It is an opportunity to be here Jemma-we. My parents taught me that opportunity and love are sometimes the same. Sometimes we’re not looking for it, and sometimes it finds us and most the time, it’s what we really need.” I glanced over at her, smiled, and, pushed the short black hair back off my eyes with my fingers. “I never thought I’d actually be on a ship in space let alone meet an alien. I love it here,” I said. “That is a good thing I understand,” Jemma-we responded. “The concept of human love is foreign to me.” Taken aback, I examined her face vividly from her aura to physical attributes. She was quite striking with enormously dark green eyes and distinguished brow. She was more human looking than alien. “You must know love well, she said.” “I know love, I replied. It is quite simple; ‘you know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.’ She watched me attentively absorbing the meaning, “says Dr. Seuss,” I assured her. In a long pause, she dissected my response and seemed to soak in the understanding in a stare. “Obviously this Dr. Seuss is a great human.” “Yes, yes I guess he is.” I grunted a smile. The colors on the bridge flickered and danced in frequencies around us. Acquiring the ability to see them and captain the ship put human potential into perspective. The aliens through Jemma-we provided me the knowledge to operate the ship but I still had questions. My lack of knowledge, made me think, was it protocol, appreciating this opportunity at first contact? My eyes bulged, excited by the potential on the bridge. No human has ever been here. Some people lack the ability to see potential. These same people will interpret my arrival with the ship as an alien invasion. They also think humans are destined for war and driven only by money and power. Fortunately, my alien contact revealed a destiny for friendly growth into space, and It’s love— that drives us, not war. I saw both sides, and am no fool. I didn’t look forward to the limelight as Guardian and Captain. “Hmm,” I exhaled and bit into my lower lip. I wonder how people will react to aliens being real, their technology way above ours, and me, as Guardian of it?” My glances at Jemma-we assured me of her fixation on our kind. The controls on each station were small crystalline apertures. Like buttons, they lined out on a table with small holes in parallel. They were the same on the smaller ship I flew here. My fingers tapped on the holes activating different instructions into the appearance of solid particles. My role as Guardian included ensuring periodic maintenance of all fifty-five stations on the bridge. I verified what I already saw in my mind clearly, tuning in multiple operations. The maintenance and changes were part of a partial plan. I paused, sat back and looked again into space. Satellites traveled by 28,000 kilometers an hour between me and Earth but I could still see them. They were mostly large rainbow trails of dust particles. "Are you sure you are okay, Jemma-we asked." "I arrived here this morning from change, in what I’d best describe as a memory-wave. What happened in my mind, is still affecting me now but I'm okay. My changes had opened access to recall lost and forgotten memories. It began with an influx of positive feelings. My memories highlighted the foundation my family built in me. There were things my grandfather used to say." “The only thing we truly own is our integrity. Once lost, we have nothing— just a dark hole, and soullessness.” "This Grandfather guided you, she asked? "Yes, he was dramatic. He often shared his wisdom when he thought I was heading in the wrong direction. I can see his quotes from the exact day, date, minute, and second, he shared them in my mind. In the corner of my eye Jemma-we stood listening and monitoring me, she actually shared more knowledge in the last twenty-four hours than he did my whole life. The technical knowledge she implanted enabled me to engage these apertures. I turned to see her appealingly watching me. Deeply focusing, revealed streaking frequency fall in lines of color into her aura as thick dust falls through bright sunlight. She was waiting for me to follow her to the infirmary. Her observation of me was like how a lab technician looked at a specimen. I was new in space, and she was my hope. The knowledge she and the aliens shared demonstrated their belief in me. I’m not sure what that specifically is. What I could see clearly was Jemma-we’s concern. “Is something wrong?” I asked. “I have to get you to the infirmary soon,” Jemma-we replied again. “I can see you change. Don’t you feel debilitated from the increased stimulation you are having? ” “No, I feel fine, a bit preoccupied. The modifications are important and I’ll need some time,” I replied eyes falling back to the console. She nodded her approval. I wonder how she or any alien can have faith in humans with the media broadcasting such negativity. News has gone from reporting events to shock value and ratings. My grandfather used to say, “Integrity is important and based on what we do rather than what we say.” My job— is to introduce the ship to Earth, build a crew, and finish a plan that can accomplish all that while guarding its technology. I exhaled loudly, emanating my frustration to the task. With a half-smile, I took a deep breath again and remained hopeful. My plan included modifications. On the nearest science station, I sat to capture frequency codes from the satellites of Earth. I pressed the apertures to sequence the capture over the next few hours when the different satellites would come close in orbit. I made the settings while pondering why Jemma-we and the other alien races chose me. There are two types of people: those who act because they want awareness and those who are aware so they act. My character told me to act. How does making me Guardian of an alien spaceship solve their dilemma? I was on Earth yesterday. Now I’m in space, more aware. I moved to another station eying Jemma-we. As interesting as I was to her, so was she to me. Her long dark hair bounced off her back between her tight curls as she moved her head watching me closely. My hope relied on her ability to guide me through the transition. I moved to another science station to the far right of the oval-shaped bridge perched atop the large ship. The station controlled ship integrity. I began to shield us from potential space junk, not that the self-restorative tubules on the ship’s exterior needed it. Surely, the space agencies of Earth will appreciate the absorption of 2,600 non-working satellites and junk though. The ship could use the molecules from the waste materials anyway. The modifications were needed knowing the finesse it will take to fly the two-mile long ship through the 1,100 remaining and working satellites. I prepared the ship for closer proximity to Earth knowing the reflective skin of the ship could easily make us visible to the naked eye as a new star in the sky. “It is perplexing how you are processing all the frequencies, their meanings and purpose so easily,” she said watching me. She had picked up the Ocular and now wore it over her right eye to view what I was doing in the frequencies in front of me. “I wonder myself,” I said continuing to work on the control console communicating the frequencies. The epiphany I had at that moment made me realize my manipulation of them, into and out of solids meant I was more than human. Are people human using ninety percent more of their brain? My mind raced. Lost memories and forgotten feelings were accessible. They made me connect emotionally to the person I’ve learned to be, and the beliefs I’ve always had. The foundation my parents built held my humanity in place. With each new epiphany and experience, I paused. I was evolving as a human, physically changing from the alien experience. Chosen, for a role in which I was not fully prepared. Even though I’m more aware, I had reservations about my ability to perform because things don’t always go as planned. Sometimes being aware makes people less likely to act. It made me more mindful of the challenges I faced. In using more of my brain l was learning to understand things more clearly. From it, I had newfound perspectives: In being Guardian, was I going outside myself; I was learning who I was? I closed my eyes in deep thought absolutely knowing the brain uses twenty percent of the body’s energy; I sensed unlimited power. The pendant I wore had something to do with that. I squeezed it through my shirt like I’ve done thousands of times before in the past 15 years. It was different now. I was adapting to the needs that would serve me as Guardian and Captain. With my eyes closed, I quickly surmised that I was using forty percent of my brain, 10% more than six hours ago. “What are you modifying now,” she said trying to keep up with the frequency modifications I was making. “I masked certain technologies we have from authorities reaching up from Earth below,” I said. “They will make the ship more invisible. The ship is an unknown. For some people, what they can’t control, they fear. Reactions to fear can be dangerous, and I need to keep the ship safe.” “Earth people can’t be trusted?” “Like frequency, there is positive and negative energy,” I replied to good and evil. “Like those we are at war with,” she said. I looked at her. She appeared naïve but what she said out loud was self-convincing dialog she was having with herself. “I’m concerned about— government intent. “Some people seek only power.” A big part of being human is courage, and fear seemed less of an obstacle for me. I was making decisions on common sense as I saw it. “I’m laying down a foundation in the modification to introduce the ship, but I have to be cautious.” She just watched me with no response. My confidence meant I could do anything. In growing up, fear was a risk— opportunity to do something exciting. "The last twenty-four hours have been a realization because I am doing the extraordinary on the ship and feeling passionate. Passion turns into love and that’s human, I said." There is no risk in what I was doing because beyond risk is evolution and I knew only in love is their real risk. “To communicate to Earth why I have a ship will be an extraordinary challenge, from new people— in aliens, a new language— and technology,” I assured her. I understood science in a way in which I could not have ever fathomed before. “People using only 10 percent of their brain will not understand the technology to even use it. I realize I am Guarding the technology against those you are at war with Jemma-we but that can include some people from Earth.” I literally saw things differently. The crew’s roles, which required recruitment was clear in my mind. “Fortunately, there are scientifically minded people on Earth who have capabilities the ship needs. They’ll be invited to join us. How I will make the selections is another question.” I moved to the communications station, sat down and tuned it to recognize many of the orbiting satellites. “Getting close to the satellites will enable us to create further connectivity to the ship.” “This will help us from those who want only power, how?” Common sense or not my mind guided me and her questions helped me focus. “Not everyone on Earth can be trusted. We need information from Earth. I also need a communication specialist to help further my plan.” Paul could be that person, I thought. “I can trust my friends and one comes to mind as a crew member.” I floated concern across the bridge in another deep breath. I wondered if the government knew who I was by what happened in the park earlier. Knowing the existence of alien technology meant my friends weren’t safe. “The people with power seek to control. Fantastic technology motivates these people.” My experience gave me hope in the opportunity before me. With positive energy, I was not afraid to stand up for what I believe. I felt safe in the technology and what I knew now. What I saw and could do with frequencies was more amazing than the technology itself. I was humbled by my experience. Yesterday before my experiences began, I believed then, and recognized now, more than ever our human potential.

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    Eric you have a story here that frankly I find difficult to read. You have grammar and structure errors, and some spelling mistakes. I understand that the main character has woken up from some accident? and is being surrounded by the police and military - and you've told us that something has changed in them, but what exactly?
    What purpose was having the prologue set after the main story? If anything it's more of an epilogue just put before everything else. It sets up questions that need to be answered why does he need to assemble an international crew? How did the aliens get here? What is the guide? - these things are not addressed in the main part of the story.
    You're vocabulary was pretty good.
    You need to proofread - in the second sentence "I was floundering because [of] the extraordinary role they have tasked me with [which?] is daunting and really beyond my skill set."
    "I was feeling a bit uneasy— unabashedly lying on the ground."
    What is a "base feeling"?
    "I could only guess that some maxim to exit my ordinary and explore the extraordinary brought me to this place." doesn't make sense 'I could only guess that some (general truth) [was telling me] to exit my ordinary..."
    "Breathing was irregular and a luxury I didn’t have." Is breathing not a necessity? Are you trying to make the main character sound alien? Also worded poorly - "[My] breathing was irregular and [was] a luxury I couldn't afford.
    "The scene hemorrhaged the kind of internal emotion I felt in the sudden sound of a police siren coming up from behind." Is this meant to be two separate sentences? "The scene hemorrhaged [with some] kind of internal emotion I felt. Sudden sound[s] of police siren[s] coming up from behind."?
    "The scene sparked a flood of emotion in past memories." What past memories? Whose memories?
    "I withdrew from his snarky request as his tone was an attack." Is someone speaking to the main character?
    "At a crossroad like this, these tough decisions not only define our life but can be a definition of who we are." What tough decisions are they making?
    "I was in a predicament. The multiple people engulfed in yellow biohazard suits circled around me— muffled was their voice, hollowed in the echoing of their conversation. The closest one of them continued to pressure me into a decision." again what decision is he making?
    "The granite stone mound was deeply cut into halves embracing rigid steps. It was literally a stair to heaven I did not know. At the top, the spaceship sat. Everything around me and the changes I was going through made me contemplate, where was my special insight and intuition yesterday?" How did he activate the spaceship? Was is the guide? Was it a feeling? Was it a button?

    Throughout the story you mention that he is not concerned "unabashed, contrite". So does that mean he knows what happened to him? And if so why doesn't the audience know?

    What is the inciting incident?
    What is the complication?
    Where is the rising tension?
    How is it resolved?
    Where is the conclusion? Other than 'oh I have a spaceship now.'

    Maybe I'm having one of those moments where I just can't see what is so clearly in front of me and I need someone else to point it out to me. But if not you need some serious editing/rewriting to do.
    Also your title has a typo.
    “No borders between me an space”
    Eric, I found your story too confusing and tedious to read after a few paragraphs. It seemed at times as if you were trying to use cumbersome phrases and unusual words: that seldom works in this genre and didn't here. Oddly, the second sentence Spring mentioned appeared grammatically and logically correct to me, although in the version above (which I presume you edited after Spring's comment) perhaps choosing "I'd been tasked..." rather than "I've been tasked..." would be more compatible with the other tenses in that sentence.
    You have a good vocabulary but trying to use it all can make your work stilted unless you're writing a scholarly treatise. Here, I believe you'll be more effective if you find the most straightforward way to say what you mean. I have the same problem and realize how difficult it can be to rein in your words. Write on.
    Eric, the terms 'writer' and 'work in progress' are synonymous -- only exceptions are dead writers. Nobody is too good a writer to be criticized, and nobody is unqualified to criticize. The problem with the story beginning after word one of paragraph one of page one is that many readers won't persevere to get to that delayed beginning. We all have that problem: 'How do I give the reader enough info to understand without losing shem in the process. I certainly struggle with it in all my longer works.
    Those two guys are right. This is a tough read. But it's not all bad. You can make it work. Now, consider this. "They all contributed to my two most base feelings— fear and anxiety."

    This is a bad sentence, composed of what we call "weedy words." Just as real weeds clog a garden, weedy words clog a story and make it tough to read. When a writer uses weedy words, they are usually trying to hard to get their idea across. Then the writing just gets confusion.

    Consider that sentence. Fear is an emotion every human has. It keeps us alive. It triggers the fight or flight survival instinct. It is really quite basic. Anxiety, on the other hand, is far more complex, and can be caused by a variety of emotions.

    So you have poor usage of fear and anxiety. You may want to rephrase it.

    Also, your story line is disjointed. Since you are writing in first person, you want to keep the story linear. Go from Point A to Point B, with nothing in between. I would outline this story, put the plot elements in proper order, and rewrite from there. See how it comes out.

    Let me leave you with a quote from Einstein: "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration."
    Hey, KT: I have the 99% perspiration part down pat -- so I'm only 1% away from genius!