The Chi Warrior Saga- Book 1

Story written by chancematthews01 on Tuesday 27, February 2018

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Chance Matthews 17 year old Martial Artist finds out that there is more to him then meets the eye

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Chapter 5 - Influence and The Fire Within
When Chance woke up the next morning, something inside of him told him that today is going to be a really bad day. No sooner then when he opened his eyes, Michelle was standing by his bedside. "Chance, you need to get up, there is a problem and we have been compromised. "We need to get you, and your parents out of here, like now." Michelle said. "Compromised how?" Chance asked. "Someone in the DiShuw is also a Shadow-Walker. There is someone working for them on the inside of us." Michelle said "I need to make sure that my parents are awake." Chance said and he looked over and his parents beds are empty. "Where are my parents?" He asked.  "They are already downstairs waiting on us.  We need to hurry!" Michelle said Chance hopped out of bed and began to throw the clothes that we was wearing last night back on. When he was dressed, he grabbed his things, and Michelle and Chance bolted downstairs. When they are all together, Chance looked at his frightened mom and said. "Don't worry Mom, we will get through this."  "I know son, but this is all to scary." His Mom said. "I know Mom." Chance said. Then he turned to Michelle. "Do we know who this person is?" Chance asked "Yes, we do after we ended last night, we got a report of a call being made to China, from this office.  As luck should have it, the call was made right from this very room." Michelle said and she turned on the monitor as it showed Chances father talking on the phone. "Dad? Why were you calling China?" "I'm sorry son, when they roughed me up, they threatened that if, I didn't turn you in to them, that they would find us and get rid of us. I was doing what I could to keep us safe." Chance's father said. "Dad, we are the good guys. Michelle and I can keep us safe." Chance said. "I'm sorry." Chances father said. A voice comes on the intercom. "Michelle, we have intruders in the building." "Great they found us. Mr. and Ms. Matthews, stay in this room and do not come out until we come and get you. No matter what you hear. Chance come with me, its time to put your skills to the test. We will meet them head on. What better way to start your training then a real live battle." Michelle said "There are coming through the back rooms. They have already taken out Paul and Seth. They are on their way to the control room." The voice on the intercom said. "Commence lock and shut down code red!" Michelle said and the intercom went silent. She turned to Chance, "Chance, we need to get to the control room and fast!" Chance and Michelle run out of the room and sped off towards the inner part of the field office. "We need to split up. We will cover more ground that way." Michelle said "I don't want to lose you again." Chance said "Don't worry. I'll be fine. You have your Chi use it!" Michelle said "But how? I know my Chi is Heart, but what can I do with it?" Chance asked. "Chi of Heart, is the Chi of influence. You can change a person  from evil to good, just by pushing yourself in to their mind. Take the battle to them internally, but you have to be at close range, practically touching them.  Only use it, if there is no other way out. Just breath and center yourself. The skill will come to you, if you listen to yourself and block out what is going on around you. Its better in a one on one fight. Shadow-Walkers are not originally evil. It takes years, there is some drop of good still left. Now we have to split up. Here, let me see your watch." Michelle said Michelle grabs Chances arm and presses both of the watches together.  A small beep sounds. "Now we will know where each other is. The button on the left is the tracker. Do not press it, because the small radar will turn off and we will lose each other.  Now you go right and I will go left.  Be safe Chance. The Chi will protect you." "And to you Michelle." Chance said and he took off down the right set of stairs and Michelle went down the left.   Chance's P.O.V As Chance gets to the bottom of the stairs and rounds the corner and there is Patrick standing by the elevator. "How did I know that I was going to run into you." Chance said "Well, well, well, if it isn't Chi Boy." Patrick mocked " You got away from me twice, that is a mistake that will not be repeated a third time." "Patrick, I have a feeling that this isn't you. You don't have to do this." Chance said "Don't go trying your Jedi mind trick on me. It's not going to work. My boss made sure of that." Patrick said. "I don't have to Patrick, because I know something about you that you will remember that will break your bosses hold on you." Chance said walking towards Patrick with arms up and hands open. "What is that?" Patrick said "We have met before. Years before you became the angry man that you are today.  You had loving fans. Loving parents. You had it all." Chance said, as he pulled out his wallet and there inside is a picture of Patrick shaking the hand of a then, 10 year old Chance, outside a movie theater.  You signed the back of it, "My young friend, greatness comes through hardships. You will be tested everyday, but inside you is a power that will overcome everything and will give you what you most desire. Patrick Bolton Ryder."  I was 10 when I met you the first time, it was the day before the fire that took your parents life. I am the same age now that you were then when your parents were taken from you. I know your angry, that you couldn't save them. You left to go shoot your next movie. It couldn't be helped. I looked up to you as a hero, because even though you going through that trauma, you still stood tall, always had a smile on your face. Interview after interview  you spoke of how loving and supportive your parents were, but when the deals and the movies stopped coming, you retreated, you begin using and drinking, and it turned you in to this. Your boss is using you Patrick, can't you see that? Using the anger and the negative emotions inside you. Yea, your money maybe back, but will it ever be enough? You need a friend again and I want to be that friend." Chance said "Nice try Chance, but my boss said that you would try this. First rule of the Light Chi, talk your way out." Patrick said "I am not going to stop till my hero is back. Even if I have to drive this evil out myself.  You came here to take me out, so come at me Patrick, do your worst. I won't try to fight you." Chance said "Your mine Chance Matthews!" Patrick exclaims as he came running forward, leaving the post that he was supposed to be guarding. Patrick's attacks were swift, but Chance was on auto-pilot. He stared blocking and guarding. Patrick was driving him back. The battle was taking it's toll on Patrick, he was getting tired.  His attacks were getting sloppy.  "You said that you won't going to try to fight me!" Patrick said breathing heavily. "I'm not, but I didn't say that I wasn't going to allow myself to be hit did I?" Chance questioned.  At one point in the battle Patrick was in close range, so Chance closed off his mind and focused on his breathing. He started feeling something strange happening to him.  All he did was touch  1 finger to Patrick's chest and Patrick froze.  Chance saw his way in and he took it. Letting the feeling guide him, he entered Patrick's mind. There he saw the 17 year old Patrick covering his parents casket on the day of the funeral, but he not the only one there. The evil that was inside Patrick has manifested itself into a shadow creature, something the likes that Chance has never seen before. Chance called out to the young Patrick. "Patrick look out behind you!", but it was too late, the evil entered into Patrick over taking him. Consuming the light in his eyes and making them dark as coals.  "Let him go!" Chance commanded "Chance, finally we meet. I know it was going to be time for us to meet face to face, but I didn't think that it was going to be this soon." The evil spoke. "I said let him go!" Chance commanded again. "Why would I want to do that? This young man is so full of rage and anger that it fills me up. I need to live." The evil said " I will drive you out of him, if it is the last thing that I can do." Chance said "Oh Chance, Chance, Chance. Can't you see that you cannot be here without me? There is a balance, an order about things. Good and Light has reigned for far to long and it is time for Evil and Dark to finally take control." The evil replied "I wont let that happen." Chance got into his attacking stance. "You don't have a choice. " The evil presence mocked "Oh yes I do." Chance said and he went on the attack. There was this glow about Chance, that each time his attacks hit the creature possessing Patrick, the creature yelled in pain.  At one point he was able to reach inside the young Patrick and grab the evil presence by the head and pulled the spirit out of him. "Patrick, This was in you. You and I need to take it down." Chance said "Who are you?" the young Patrick questioned "I'm a friend.  You will come to know me later, but for now we need to use everything that we have to drive this evil being back.  Will you help me?" Chance questioned. "Yes, I will." the young Patrick said So the young Patrick and Chance battled the creature inside the confines of Patrick's heart and mind. It was a long and grueling battle, with each side not giving ground. When suddenly Chance saw something about the young Patrick that wasn't there before. There was this fire that was inside of him, just below the surface. Chance suddenly knew what he had to do. "Patrick, I don't know how I know, but you are the Chi Warrior of Fire, the Scorpion.  Reach deep inside yourself, find the fire inside you bring it forth and take that monster down." Chance said "Whatever you say." the young Patrick said and the young Patrick closed eyes and fiound that fire inside him. When he has found it, he grabed it and it starts to take over him.  Patrick opens his eyes and they are back to normal color, but there is a spark behind them. Patrick rears back and releases, a fiery blast from his hands.  The blast hits the creature right in the chest and it starts to walk over all over him.  "What are you doing to me?" the creature screams. "You need me Patrick, don't destroy me." the creature pleads " I don't need you. I am more powerful without you then I am with you." the young Patrick says  "Patrick, grab my hand." Chance said Patrick grabs Chances hand and they both do a running jump kick and at the same time they hit the creature with such force and power that it disappears.  "Thank you, whoever you are." Patrick said "You are welcome. Now I must go. You have done well Patrick and you will now continue to do well." Chance said and he turns and walks away leaving the young Patrick feeling empowered and strong.  The young Patrick calls out," Will I ever see you again?" "Yes, you will." Chance says and he is gone out of Patrick's mind and memories. All the while in the world around them, a battle for survival is going on. Instinctively, Chance removes the finger from Patricks  chest and Patrick collapses in a heap on the floor, but there is something new about this Patrick, something braver and stronger, and brighter, also a lot younger. Chance slides down the wall next to Patrick, exhausted.  When Patrick can find his voice, he asked, "What did you do to me in there?" "I just helped you find yourself again." Chance said, the rest was all you. "But look at me, I'm 17 again.  I was 24 a few minutes ago. What happened?" Patrick asked "I guess Chi changes people. The evil inside you, sought you out and found you when you at your lowest. It aged you rapidly. I guess faster then normal, but with my help, the Chi reversed the clock and returned you back to your age , when you first were taken over, by the Shadow-Walkers. " Chance said "But why are you not ten?" Patrick asked "Because I was not influenced by them.  I could of been so many times in my life, but I always knew that I was stronger then world around me. I guess it comes from having people who love me and that would do  everything in their power to see me flourish."  Chance said "But my parents are they still alive?" Patrick asked "That, I do not know Patrick, but for now, you have a team around you that will be your family, but we will search and find out." Chance said "OK, I can live with that for now." Patrick said "Speaking of parents, mine are in danger from the same evil that took you over. Will you fight with me?" Chance asked "You helped drive out the evil that is inside me and returned me to normal. So, I will fight with you." Patrick said "Good, because it will take all of together to beat the Shadow-Walkers. Can you stand?" Chance said getting up and holding out his hand to Patrick. "I think so." Patrick said, but for safety sake, grabbed onto Chances arm for support. Chance pulled his new friend up and they went in search of Michelle.  They are one step closer to completing their team. Michelle, The Chi Warrior of Wind, The Eagle, Chance The Chi Warrior of Heart, The Dragon and Patrick, the newly found Chi Warrior of Fire, The Scorpion, will have a long road ahead as they search for the remaining two Warriors of Chi.  All while battling the Shadow-Walkers and whatever evil is out there.

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    Welcome, Chance. MA stories aren't usually on my list, but here are a few typos I picked up. You need to proofread this and probably have somebody else do so also -- I'm much better at finding errors in the writings of others than in my own. If your intended audience is MA enthusiasts, OK, but if you want a more general readership this beginning may be far too long -- it is for me.
    '... more to him (then) [than] meets the eye' then refers to time
    '... have gone [on] to do great things,...'
    '... Sensei, Mr. Yomata [some punctuation needed here] even some of the kids...'
    '... Normally [,] Chance (, no comma here) hates to compete.' (As an aside, this doesn't make sense to me: if he doesn't like to compete, what does he like about MA - kicking air? Maybe you meant in contests or organized matches, but I didn't get that.)
    '... "(Your) [You're] studying way to hard [,] Chance.'

    Edit and proofread. Write on.
    Okay, chance, you do need a good edit on his story.

    Now, you have a good plot, but here is the issue. You use a lot of passive verbs. You want to use active verbs; it is, after all, an action story. I would go back thru this writing and make those changes.

    Also, I would trim this and rewrite it as two chapters. Chapter one; the competition.

    Chapter two, the attack at home.

    Chapter three, the conversion of Patrick and the meeting with evil.