The Chi Warrior Saga- Book 1

Story written by chancematthews01 on Tuesday 27, February %0

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Chance Matthews 17 year old Martial Artist finds out that there is more to him then meets the eye

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Chapter 3 - The Invitation
After the tournament is over and the crowds and the interviewers have left, Chance is sitting alone in the stands, with his phone in his hands.  He is going through his Facebook page, noticing that ever since the win, that he has had requests from kids from school that he never thought that he knew, that they knew, that he was alive. However, he was not interested in the requests, he was searching for Michelle Xi, the brave young woman, who gave him the test that he needed. "Who was she?" Chance thought to himself. "She has no Facebook or Twitter, or Instagram. No Social Media what so ever."  "I just have to find her again."  He said to himself. "It's not like, I'm in love with her or something, but I want to get the chance to make a new friend." Chance said scratching his head of blond hair.  "Oh, well, I'm beat and I need to get be getting home." Chance said. So he packed up his bag and then went out to his car. On the windshield of his car, there was a note with a just 1 line on it. "I will contact you soon.", signed MX. "MX? It's from her. I knew I'd made an impression on her." Chance said to no one around. He punched the air and had a smile on his face. So he got into the car and pulled out of the parking lot, a champion and 50,000 dollars richer. He beat his parents home, because he didn't stop for dinner like they did. So he pulled in to the driveway and got out of the car, and went into the house and up to his room.  When he entered his room, he went over to his computer and booted it up.  As soon as it booted up and got connected to the internet, his emails came flooding through.  Facebook friend requests, which he put on hold, but there was an email address from a newsgroup that he belonged to. So he opened up the email and it read, From: Xi.Lee@blackbeltteen.ch To: chance.matthews@blackbeltteen.com         Congratulations on winning the tournament today Chance.  The accolades and awards are just.  You did a very good job.  The honor that you have shown today, not only for the sportsmanlike conduct, but for the art form is a value, that myself and my team great appreciate.  So, what I would like to do is, is to invite you to China, to come study with me and the Monks at the DiShuw Monastery.  With your prize package, it did include an all expenses paid trip ticket. Please look at the date on the ticket, it should say November 1st.  That is when you should be here. I know that this is sudden, but your studies and your training need to start right away, On the 31st, a car will be picking you up and taking you to the airport.  Where you will depart for your trip.  When you arrive in Beijing, another car and driver, will be picking you up and will bring you here to the monastery.  Due to the utmost priority of this matter, there will be devices arriving to you tomorrow. Please bring them with you. You will be needing those things for your training.  We are a up-to-date monastery, that believes that contact with the outside world should be encouraged.  I know that by reading this email, you are scratching your head, trying to figure this out.  There will be more details to come.  Also, you have been removed from school physically, but you will still be attending virtually. So you will be completing your schooling here.  You will have 4 days to say your goodbyes and pack up everything you have, because you will not be returning anytime soon. Leave no loose ends, that will draw your focus away from the undertaking you are about to partake in. In closing, Thank you for reading this email from me and I hope that I will get to shake the hand of an extraordinary young man. Your Friend in the Arts, Xi Lee - Head Abbot and Technology and Talent Procurement "How did this guy, I assume that this a guy, knew that I won the competition. As well as, this must be the unknown donor of the ticket." Chance said to himself, trying to put the pieces together of the email. There was a sound coming from downstairs. "Mom, Dad, Are you home? I'm upstairs. Come up here and see this email." Chance says thinking that his Mom and Dad just come home. When there is no response, Chance gets up and goes downstairs, but there is something that is amiss. He looks out the window and doesn't see his parents car, which is odd, because tomorrow is a workday for them and they need to get home so they can rest.  Chance is starting to get worried.  They were only 15 minutes behind him, but they stopped to get something to eat. However something, like a sixth sense, is telling him that there is someone in the house with him and they do not belong there.  So Chance goes back up to his room to wait.  When he enters the room he is grabbed from behind, and picked up off his feet.  A muffled voice whispers something in his ear. "I told you that I was going to get you for the way that I got disqualified at the tournament. Now I have you all alone and there is nothing you can do about it." The voice says. "You wanna bet?" Chance says The hold is starting to take Chances breath away.  The person is literally squeezing the life out of him.  He has to escape, but how? Then an idea pops into his mind. "You can squeeze me all you want, but you are not going to be the winner Patrick. You cheated so your disqualified." Chance said and he takes a free leg and kicks over his his head and hits Patrick in the nose. That loosens Patrick's hold on him, but it doesn't break him free of Patrick's grasp.  So with his free hand he goes to punch over his shoulder. Patrick has to block the hit, which drops Chance on the floor.  Chance rolls away from Patrick and gets into a defensive position.  Patrick lunges at Chance and he dodges out of the way, doing a football spin maneuver and runs out the door of his bedroom and flies down the stairs and to the basement, where there is a safe way out of the house in case of intruders.  "You think your funny Chance, trying to hid from me? I am going to take you, out of this world." Patrick said. Patrick continues the taunting,"Just like a scared little rabbit, vs. the hungry wolf. I can smell your fear, so why don't you come out of hiding and make it easier for yourself, because of if I find you, your going to get much worse. " "Just stay low and quiet." Chance reminds himself. Looking over at the basement door and see that it is open, he says to himself,  "Mistake Number 1: Never leave a door open." By this time, Patrick is lumbering down the stairs all the way to the basement.  Chance is hidden in a dark corner over by an old grandfather clock. From his vantage point, he can see Patrick clearly, but Patrick can't see him.  "Thank goodness there is a lot of space down here, because if it is going to come down to a fight, I really don't want any of this stuff broken." Chance thinks.  Just then a honking sound is coming from outside.  Chance knows this honk, because it is his dad's honk to run. His dad uses that honk, when he was kid and he needed to keep his endurance up.  "Your safe for now Chance, but next time you wont be so lucky. I'm out of here." Patrick says a s he scrambles up the basement steps out of the backdoor of the house.   "Thank the stars, that my parents come home." Chance says, but he waits just a bit longer until he hears two things. One his dad's voice or two the voice of someone he knows. As the front door opens, a not so familiar voice rings out, but Chance knows this voice, he just can't place it.   "Chance? Are you alright?" The voice asked.  Still a little bit shaken from his previous engagement with Patrick, he is very leery to come out of hiding just yet.  "It's Michelle, I followed you home, but I heard some fighting and the front door was ajar, I thought I caught a glimpse of the intruder. You can come out, it's safe." Michelle says Chance creeps out of his hiding spot, still unsure that he should trust Michelle, she could be working with Patrick. "If you are Michelle Xi, then you know the kick I used to knock you back to the ropes mid way through to take back the match.?" Chance questioned. "I do Chance, it was the Butterfly Kick with a full twist." Michelle says Chance comes running up the steps, very thankful that there is someone here that is not out to get him, but stops at the top step, still very unsure of the person that in the room above.  "One more question Michelle, if that is really you?  What was the quote that you gave me, when you didn't want to do the interview?" Chance questioned "The Eagle, however majestic, will fight for survival." Michelle answers "Thank goodness, it is you." Chance says as he comes out of the basement. "Chance, you have to come with me. You are in danger. They are coming for you." Michelle says. "What's going on? Who is after me? Do you know about the email that I got? What about my parents?" Chance questions "Whoa slow down Chance!  Yes, I know about the email. My Grandfather sent it. Your parents are safe, and you will see them soon.  As for who is coming after you,  there is a group that we are fighting against.  We call them the Shadow-Walkers. They are an evil organization that was built to counter act the balance, that we at the DiShuw are fighting so hard to protect." Michelle said "Who are you Michelle?" Chance asked "I am with a secret organization within the DiShuw that protects the balance of good vs. evil.  We deal with the Mystic Arts within Martial Arts. Some say its magic, but we call it Chi." Michelle said. "This is all to strange Michelle, I don't think I want to be involved." Chance said "It's to late for that.  Now we have to get going, the Shadow-Walkers will be here any moment.  Don't worry about your parents. We need to get you packed and on that plane.  You are the chosen one, even if you do not know it yet." Michelle said "No, I am not going anywhere without seeing my parents." Chance says "We do not have time, but if you pack quickly, once we get on the road, we will call them. Trust me Chance, I fight with honor." Michelle said Chance knew with that statement, that Michelle is telling the truth. So Michelle and Chance ran upstairs to pack, what can be carried between them. Once they are finished, Chance takes one last look at his childhood home and he says goodbye and walks out carrying his bag.  He locks the front door and walks over to Michelle's waiting vehicle. Chance tosses his bag in the back and gets into the front seat passenger side seat.  Michelle gets in the drivers side and says, "Chance meet P.A.T." "Who's P.A.T?" Chance questioned Then a voice comes from the speaker next to him," I am P.A.T. Personal Advantage Transportation."  Michelle said, "P.A.T was created by my Grandfather. She will make sure that we get you to the plane and get you into the air before anything happens to you." "So your Grandfather, is the Head Abbot and the Technology and Talent Procurement of the DiShuw, and he is also the inventor of P.A.T?" Chance asked. "So much more Chance. So much more." Michelle said then she questioned, "All settled in?" Chance sits back.  "OK P.A.T, seat-belts and engine start up please."  "Right away Michelle." P.A.T. says and they are buckled in and the engine roars to life. "Chi Field full Michelle. Engaging cloak." P.A.T. says "Thank you P.A.T" Michelle said "What is your destination?" P.A.T inquires "DiShuw Field Office, Dallas Branch." Michelle instructs "Getting coordinates now. Destination imputed. Rolling out." P.A.T says As the vehicle pulls out of the drive way, Michelle takes her hands off the steering wheel.  She turns to Chance.  Now we have time for questions. "I have so many questions. First start at the beginning and tell me what is really going on." Chance said
   

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  • Welcome, Chance. MA stories aren't usually on my list, but here are a few typos I picked up. You need to proofread this and probably have somebody else do so also -- I'm much better at finding errors in the writings of others than in my own. If your intended audience is MA enthusiasts, OK, but if you want a more general readership this beginning may be far too long -- it is for me.
    '... more to him (then) [than] meets the eye' then refers to time
    '... have gone [on] to do great things,...'
    '... Sensei, Mr. Yomata [some punctuation needed here] even some of the kids...'
    '... Normally [,] Chance (, no comma here) hates to compete.' (As an aside, this doesn't make sense to me: if he doesn't like to compete, what does he like about MA - kicking air? Maybe you meant in contests or organized matches, but I didn't get that.)
    '... "(Your) [You're] studying way to hard [,] Chance.'

    Edit and proofread. Write on.
    - March 02 2018 21:30:31
    • Okay, chance, you do need a good edit on his story.

      Now, you have a good plot, but here is the issue. You use a lot of passive verbs. You want to use active verbs; it is, after all, an action story. I would go back thru this writing and make those changes.

      Also, I would trim this and rewrite it as two chapters. Chapter one; the competition.

      Chapter two, the attack at home.

      Chapter three, the conversion of Patrick and the meeting with evil.
      - April 14 2018 03:26:16