Soliloquy upon dead of night

Poem written by Greg on Thursday 28, December 2017

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Death cannot truly separate love

Overall Rating: Not Rated

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From restless sleep, upon waking I scarcely recall Last night's state of stupor induced me to slumber at all. As heavy hearts go, mine was thy ship's anchor tow. Tides waxed and waned, still affection between us did grow. A brisk morning stroll lead me down to Wabash River bend. 'Twas upon frozen banks where I saw my love fall to her end. There was no relief from my sorrow, though much did I seek. No drink nor wild root, nor a kind word can still the heart's grief. Now evenings pass, while ever more restless nights seen, Where I dream of my lover, our hands entwined 'neath white oak tree. Such fanciful visions fill the mind, I long to return. So nightshade's foul berries upon my tongue... carried to her.
   

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Comments

    To rhyme or not to rhyme, that is the poet's question. However, if you start to rhyme you should stick with it, in my opinion. Consider my standard poetry disclaimer: I'm rather old fashioned when it comes to poetry: I actually favor Poe, Marvel, Coleridge, and the Roberts Frost and Service, to give you some idea. To me, even free verse should have a flow and rhythm when read aloud to distinguish it from spoken prose. Read aloud this was rough in places. The word choice seemed a bit stilted, although that is not uncommon in verse. Unless you are e. e. cummings incognito, the pronoun 'I' should be capitalized and punctuation utilized, prose or poetry.
    A sad thought reasonably expressed. Condolences to the narrator.
    Thank you for the feedback. I don't know how i missed those obvious capitalization and punctuation errors. I would assume i can edit them somehow on here.
    Thanks again.
    This is a rather sad and dark poem. I don't like to rate poetry, because my poetry is, as a rule, pretty bad. I do think, however, you could detail this more.

    "last night's state of stupor induced me to slumber or sloom" - What, exactly, is sloom?