A Bit of a Ramble.

Critical Review written by Rob Kosy on Thursday 31, August 2017

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This load of utter s*it contains profanity (that's swear words) and probably a load of other stuff that shouldn't be on here. Unfortunately I can't remember most of it so I'll give it an age classification of 44. Though,if you're 16 or over you probably won't suffer any lasting damage.

Overall Rating: Not Rated

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So the reigning champ is defeated, ploughing the road for Switzerland’s Roger Federer to go on and win the most celebrated prize in tennis for a record eighth time. Now that’s an achievement, and he’s 35. Just shows how long you can last if you put your earnings in a bank. Saves all that strain on your hips, doesn’t it? Then again, the banks in Switzerland have an unrivalled reputation for security. Though, by tradition, it’s customers are supposed to be a bit dodgy. Yet, as far as I can see, the only thing dodgy about Roger is the fact that the multi-millionaire owns a cow. Apparently it was a gift from the Swiss government after he won Wimbledon for the first time in 2004. Yes, that twanged my ‘weird’ chord as well, Denizens. But not as much as when they gave him another one in 2013. Still, it’s better than what Andy got, so I heard. Apparently Britain’s first Wimbledon champ for 77 Years received a part in the new Highlander movie remake - playing the role of an Albanian rice cake vendor - and a gate in the Roman wall separating Scotland and England; the latter awarded by Lloyds of London in the vein hopes that Andy might bank with them. ‘Keep it on the hips, laddie,’ was the advice from his fellow Scots. Which Andy obviously heeded, hence the mess he finds himself in today. However, since he wasn’t using it, the Scottish National Party, led by Nicola Sturgeon, promptly commandeered Andy’s gate and used it to launch a full scale invasion of England. And wouldn’t William Wallace have been proud when the SNP pillaged a record 56 seats at the 2015 general election (50 more than they already held) only to lose 21 of them in this year’s election; a vote forced upon us by Britain’s second female prime minister, Theresa May. Of course, the decision to actually hold an entirely unnecessary election was born of undiluted arrogance and the belief that Theresa thought she was Margaret Thatcher (Britain’s first, female, three term-winning and working class-hating prime minister). The fact that Mrs May lost the Conservatives an outright majority in parliament and was forced to lick some Irish arse to maintain a tenuous grip on power just compounds her superciliousness. I wonder what Roger Federer named his two cows? Anyway, enough segueing. Back to Andy’s hips (which, if taken out of context, sounds like something Simon from the Anywhere But agency might say. Oh, erm……not that I would know, of course. Or that I’m close to anyone called Simon. Or that I’ve ever contacted the Anywhere But agency. Or…or. Oh, shite. Bollocks! YOU TWAT, MALCOLM!
   

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    Reading the above exchange, I can only say: What the hell have I stumbled into? And why didn't I so stumble years ago?

    PS As I recall, Shakespear(e) spelled his name both ways at different times: one of the reasons many people believe he didn't really write those plays himself.

    PPS Somebody please start a 'gofundme' account to buy Rob a new fcuking keybroad.
    Hey, thank's, Don. Coming from you that is high praise indeed. However that post you made years ago about TV commercials still resonates as the singular, funniest thing I've read on the Den.

    I knew I'd catch you out with the 'Shakespear (E or not the E) spelling. And well done, Al for pointing it out. I knew that all along, you know.

    I did, you know.

    No, really........
    I'm sure you did, Rob (it's required knowledge for kindergartners in the UK, I understand). By the way, since pointing out possible errors is kind of the point here, 'they're' is a contraction of 'they are' and 'their' is the possessive of 'they' -- of course, your use could be some twisted reference I missed. A Brit talking about the French, so...

    And another thing: what's with telling us about the funniest thing you've read on the den and then not providing info so others can find it. Don has written about a billion pieces, so now I have to read all of them to get my humor fix! What a task!

    PS Glad the 'gofundme' worked & you got a new keybroad.
    Fcuk!

    I never spell their wrong. My spelling isn't to the standard of some on this site but it's usually better than that. Thanks for spotting it, Alex. I'm going to leave it in to shame myself.
    It must have been a small laps in consecration.

    The reason I didn't supply a title to go with Don's work is because I can't remember what it was called. Sorry, Don. But like you said, Al, Mr Roble has posted so much. I'm sure it was an article or a blog; not a story.

    Oh, and the 'gofundme' didn't 'gofindme. So I'm still fcuked.

    But they're you go.
    AlexScribe: What do you mean "task"? Pleasure is the accepted word here.
    Actually, I don't have that up now. i think it got lost during the Great Breakdown. Oh, Hell, I don't remember it. I do remember it was hilarious.
    Ah yes, the big one of 2015, if I remember correctly, Don (though I probably got the year wrong coz I've been drinking the hand sanitizer again....hic).

    Yea, Al, pleasure not task. I mean......come on!
    Damn, two prolific writers and neither can recognize sarcasm. Incidentally, when I click on Don's name (or any other writer's name) to see their work, the system shows a list of no-names each submitted on some 'Bad date' -- so even if Don's possibly funny story didn't get lost I can't find it. (I presume it would have 'TV' or 'television' in the title.) This has now become the number 1 frustrating thing on this site, deposing trying to interpret Rob's pieces.
    Yea, I saw that too, Al. Maybe Chris is trying to tell us we're all crap; 'no names?' 'bad dates'. Or, mayhap, he's just experienced a really bad date and is trying to forget that person's name. Or, more likely, he's fallen asleep with his finger on the wrong button again. WAKE UP, CHRIS!

    Don't recognize sarcasm? Away with you, Scribester. I recognized it just fine & dandy & responded with some of my own which you yourself didn't appear to see. (unless you were being counter-sarcastic, then we could be at this forever.)
    Can't recognize sarcasm? Me? I damn near invented it. My serious writing sometimes pisses people off when I didn't intend to.
    It's got now't to do with your writing, Don. It's just you, my friend.

    What you just said about inventing sarcasm made me think of the movie The Waterboy, starring Adam Sandler. It was the part when Bobby remembers asking his momma when Ben Franklin invented electricity. She turned on him angrily and said, "I invented electricity. Ben Franklin is the DEVIL!"

    Anyway, I'm British and we're a very sarcastic nation; and proud of it. So, I invented sarcasm. Don Roble is........

    ........you get the idea.

    I also invented crudity.