A Bit of a Ramble.

Critical Review written by Rob Kosy on Thursday 31, August 2017

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This load of utter s*it contains profanity (that's swear words) and probably a load of other stuff that shouldn't be on here. Unfortunately I can't remember most of it so I'll give it an age classification of 44. Though,if you're 16 or over you probably won't suffer any lasting damage.

Overall Rating: Not Rated

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Hello, Denizens. Great Scott, That felt GOOD! How long I’ve yearned to utter that marvellous - almost erotic - pairing of words. Though, as I’m sure the pragmatic, Mr Roble will point out, I haven’t uttered them. What I’ve actually done here is write them, which is kind of the point in this palace of prose, isn’t it? But you get the gist, yes? (…….you do, don’t you? Otherwise I’m pretty much in the fcuk mire from the beginning). Bollocks! I spelled fuck wrong. How the fcuk does anyone do that? But speaking of the French and FCUK (French Connection United Kingdom) I’m not particularly enamoured with them since Brexit. I read in the papers that they hope our economy gets fcuked. Which is a bit stupid since they’re clothing brand and any other UK interests will go exactly the same way. But Brexit Schmexit, I say. They’re just pissed off because they can’t send their illegal immigrants down the Chunnel anymore. Anyway, whether you ensnared the ‘gist’ or just couldn’t be arsed, my name is Rob Kosy and I used to be somebody around here. Oh, yea, back in the day people used to bang on my every word. (BOLLOCKS! I meant to say HANG, not BANG). Okay, okay, I give up. It’s pretty obvious that I can’t edit anything without a delete button so I’d better come clean. The other day Malcolm weed all over my keyboard and, consequently, the delete button is fcuked. Malcolm is my muse y’see and usually he’s quite content to just sit there eating the lettuce from my kebab whilst his comedic countenance inspires the shite you’re reading now. Content, that is, until the salad runs out. Then he pisses himself. In a little jocular aside, Malcolm also has the hair style of Donald trump, which is, perhaps, why he inspires me so. Hey, maybe he saw his own reflection in my computer monitor and pissed himself laughing. I mean, come on, if that ludicrous, flapping rug can’t do it what can? At this point, Denizens, I reckon I should point out that Malcolm is a guinea pig and that any laughter generated by his resemblance to America’s commander and chief is inspired entirely by Malcolm himself. Not - as some Americans have confided from their new homes in Canada - by the fact that ‘president’ precedes the name Trump. So, given our closeness, I’m sure you can appreciate my quandary. I can’t abandon Malcolm after one little accident, can I? (The mishap being my inability to phone for another kebab fast enough, not the fact that he weed himself). Come on, have a gwar! (I meant to say heart.)
   

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    Trying to sort through this, Rob. Kind of got stuck at publicly fellating mislabeled sausages. If having Andy get another W title means so much to you and Scotland, maybe you should suggest he declare himself a woman before the next tournament, since now apparently it's personal rather than genetic choice. He's only have to win two sets, which should be easier on his overburdened hip. And the girls don't serve as fast.

    PS A new keyboard would only cost about 10 EU, and would probably save a page and a half in your next rant. Excuse me, Review.
    "... Lloyds of London in the vein hopes " I think this should be vane hopes

    Good to have you back, Mr. Kosy. Very funny! Excellent, in fact! Grin
    Yea, that's true, Alex, but the girls would 'fall in love' with his hip because of it's 'bulginess'. Then there'd be all hell breaking loose, wouldn't there?

    kt, it's great to be back & thank you for 'bringing me home'.
    You're not at home here until kt has awarded you a comment. And wouldn't you believe it, he finds my (only?) spelling mistake. Then again, it's Don & yourself I have to thank for the improvement in that area since I first joined.

    Thank you, chaps.
    Rob, you shouldn't have admitted to the spelling error: I took it as sarcasm or an allusion that went by me. I think the normal expression is 'vain hopes', by the way. Somebody ought to write a poem about the insidiousness of homophones. (No, that's not a reference to telephones' sexual orientation.)
    I know it wasn't, Alex, but nevertheless my phone is camper than Butlins and I love it.

    Yes, English is full of little idiosyncrasies isn't it? and I just love the Anglo/American mix you encounter often in this palace of prose.

    I will always admit to spelling mistakes though. When I first joined I used to think, "Spelling Schmelling". As long as the story is good that's all that matters. But I was wrong. I needed POLISH (that's something to add a little shine to my work, not a person from a neighbouring European country......and there we go again).

    I've learnt loads over the years from the likes of kt, Don, Verm & Kerri. So much that, in that regard, my writing is unrecognisable to some of my early postings. And (not for the first time) Mr 6550 was correct.
    AlexScribe- change your name and then hide. We never give this good advice. It's like telling a woman she has a nice butt. She thinks you mean it's too big and,umm, where was i going with this?
    I'm just now reading this. I was busy at the time it was posted and didn't think I should be bothered by a half-literate Englishman. Rob is, shall we say, a bit off. Oh, Hell, let's say it- Rob is a bit off.

    His ramblings are hard to follow because he doesn't follow normal rules of writing or English. I know I've accused him in the past of making up words but only because he does. When he doesn't make them up he misuses them and then we're all fcuked up.

    As usual, Rob has the attention span of a small child. Small in the sense of being 3 hours old and can’t even see right yet. That’s our Rob for you. Well, not ours. We aren’t as crazy as that.

    “Anywhere But is not a place, Don. I might make up the occasional word, as you’re so fond of telling everyone, but never places. Besides, ‘Anywhere But’ sounds like a rent boy agency.”- I know what a rent boy is. As I understand it you did that until you found a real job. Boy, talk about being fcuked.

    And another thing. If Trump wanted the money he’d send Melania over and then pick his pocket while he was looking the wrong way.

    Nicely done, Rob. I didn’t understand much of it and I probably got it wrong at that.
    I know we aren't supposed to spam here but i think it will go unnoticed unless Rob turns me in. I write and publish short stories. The only novel I've written was inspired by Rob Kosy. As crazy as I am, he's crazier.
    Don, did you just say I have a nice butt? You think it's too big, don't you? You're so insensitive.

    And, by the way, Mr Roble, Shakespear himself made up loads of words. The only reason he wasn't ridiculed was because there were no dictionaries around at the time.

    I won't ask how you know what a rent boy is, though (& you a senior member & admin, no less) But I never visited Texas before 'I found a real job,' so you didn't find out from me.

    ......Ah, I've missed this dhit!

    (Fcuking delete button again!)
    Me? Insensitive? Perish the thought although i have to point out that Shakespear has an e on the end.

    For those who don't Rob, he is this crazy Englishman who explains why they lost their Empire. He is one of the best humor writers I've read. There a subtle genius to his humor. No, hold that. There is a craziness to his humor that can't be explained. many a time I've read his stories and laughed my ass off without being quite sure what he's talking about.

    When he posts you're in for a treat.