A Bit of a Ramble.

Critical Review written by Rob Kosy on Thursday 31, August 2017

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This load of utter s*it contains profanity (that's swear words) and probably a load of other stuff that shouldn't be on here. Unfortunately I can't remember most of it so I'll give it an age classification of 44. Though,if you're 16 or over you probably won't suffer any lasting damage.

Overall Rating: Not Rated

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Hello, Denizens. Great Scott, That felt GOOD! How long I’ve yearned to utter that marvellous - almost erotic - pairing of words. Though, as I’m sure the pragmatic, Mr Roble will point out, I haven’t uttered them. What I’ve actually done here is write them, which is kind of the point in this palace of prose, isn’t it? But you get the gist, yes? (…….you do, don’t you? Otherwise I’m pretty much in the fcuk mire from the beginning). Bollocks! I spelled fuck wrong. How the fcuk does anyone do that? But speaking of the French and FCUK (French Connection United Kingdom) I’m not particularly enamoured with them since Brexit. I read in the papers that they hope our economy gets fcuked. Which is a bit stupid since they’re clothing brand and any other UK interests will go exactly the same way. But Brexit Schmexit, I say. They’re just pissed off because they can’t send their illegal immigrants down the Chunnel anymore. Anyway, whether you ensnared the ‘gist’ or just couldn’t be arsed, my name is Rob Kosy and I used to be somebody around here. Oh, yea, back in the day people used to bang on my every word. (BOLLOCKS! I meant to say HANG, not BANG). Okay, okay, I give up. It’s pretty obvious that I can’t edit anything without a delete button so I’d better come clean. The other day Malcolm weed all over my keyboard and, consequently, the delete button is fcuked. Malcolm is my muse y’see and usually he’s quite content to just sit there eating the lettuce from my kebab whilst his comedic countenance inspires the shite you’re reading now. Content, that is, until the salad runs out. Then he pisses himself. In a little jocular aside, Malcolm also has the hair style of Donald trump, which is, perhaps, why he inspires me so. Hey, maybe he saw his own reflection in my computer monitor and pissed himself laughing. I mean, come on, if that ludicrous, flapping rug can’t do it what can? At this point, Denizens, I reckon I should point out that Malcolm is a guinea pig and that any laughter generated by his resemblance to America’s commander and chief is inspired entirely by Malcolm himself. Not - as some Americans have confided from their new homes in Canada - by the fact that ‘president’ precedes the name Trump. So, given our closeness, I’m sure you can appreciate my quandary. I can’t abandon Malcolm after one little accident, can I? (The mishap being my inability to phone for another kebab fast enough, not the fact that he weed himself). Come on, have a gwar! (I meant to say heart.)
   

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    Reading the above exchange, I can only say: What the hell have I stumbled into? And why didn't I so stumble years ago?

    PS As I recall, Shakespear(e) spelled his name both ways at different times: one of the reasons many people believe he didn't really write those plays himself.

    PPS Somebody please start a 'gofundme' account to buy Rob a new fcuking keybroad.
    Hey, thank's, Don. Coming from you that is high praise indeed. However that post you made years ago about TV commercials still resonates as the singular, funniest thing I've read on the Den.

    I knew I'd catch you out with the 'Shakespear (E or not the E) spelling. And well done, Al for pointing it out. I knew that all along, you know.

    I did, you know.

    No, really........
    I'm sure you did, Rob (it's required knowledge for kindergartners in the UK, I understand). By the way, since pointing out possible errors is kind of the point here, 'they're' is a contraction of 'they are' and 'their' is the possessive of 'they' -- of course, your use could be some twisted reference I missed. A Brit talking about the French, so...

    And another thing: what's with telling us about the funniest thing you've read on the den and then not providing info so others can find it. Don has written about a billion pieces, so now I have to read all of them to get my humor fix! What a task!

    PS Glad the 'gofundme' worked & you got a new keybroad.
    Fcuk!

    I never spell their wrong. My spelling isn't to the standard of some on this site but it's usually better than that. Thanks for spotting it, Alex. I'm going to leave it in to shame myself.
    It must have been a small laps in consecration.

    The reason I didn't supply a title to go with Don's work is because I can't remember what it was called. Sorry, Don. But like you said, Al, Mr Roble has posted so much. I'm sure it was an article or a blog; not a story.

    Oh, and the 'gofundme' didn't 'gofindme. So I'm still fcuked.

    But they're you go.
    AlexScribe: What do you mean "task"? Pleasure is the accepted word here.
    Actually, I don't have that up now. i think it got lost during the Great Breakdown. Oh, Hell, I don't remember it. I do remember it was hilarious.
    Ah yes, the big one of 2015, if I remember correctly, Don (though I probably got the year wrong coz I've been drinking the hand sanitizer again....hic).

    Yea, Al, pleasure not task. I mean......come on!
    Damn, two prolific writers and neither can recognize sarcasm. Incidentally, when I click on Don's name (or any other writer's name) to see their work, the system shows a list of no-names each submitted on some 'Bad date' -- so even if Don's possibly funny story didn't get lost I can't find it. (I presume it would have 'TV' or 'television' in the title.) This has now become the number 1 frustrating thing on this site, deposing trying to interpret Rob's pieces.
    Yea, I saw that too, Al. Maybe Chris is trying to tell us we're all crap; 'no names?' 'bad dates'. Or, mayhap, he's just experienced a really bad date and is trying to forget that person's name. Or, more likely, he's fallen asleep with his finger on the wrong button again. WAKE UP, CHRIS!

    Don't recognize sarcasm? Away with you, Scribester. I recognized it just fine & dandy & responded with some of my own which you yourself didn't appear to see. (unless you were being counter-sarcastic, then we could be at this forever.)
    Can't recognize sarcasm? Me? I damn near invented it. My serious writing sometimes pisses people off when I didn't intend to.
    It's got now't to do with your writing, Don. It's just you, my friend.

    What you just said about inventing sarcasm made me think of the movie The Waterboy, starring Adam Sandler. It was the part when Bobby remembers asking his momma when Ben Franklin invented electricity. She turned on him angrily and said, "I invented electricity. Ben Franklin is the DEVIL!"

    Anyway, I'm British and we're a very sarcastic nation; and proud of it. So, I invented sarcasm. Don Roble is........

    ........you get the idea.

    I also invented crudity.