Rhapsody in the Second Person

Thriller written by AlexScribe on Wednesday 28, June %8

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Description
A Writing Experiment: a story entirely in the second person

Overall Rating: 43.6%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 43.6% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:63%
Imagery:11%
Spelling & Grammar:100%
Flow/Rhythm:18%
Vocabulary:26%
“You were probably surprised to find the doors unlocked, and you’ll be more surprised to find they’ve now been locked electronically. You all have been used to breaking in this and other homes out here whenever you please, knowing the police are so far away you can rob and beat and rape to your heart’s content and still be long gone before any help arrives for your victims. “You believe the laws that make it difficult for your victims to obtain weapons to defend themselves don’t apply to you, and it seems you are right. You might as well stop looking for the source of this voice: it’s a tape recorder very well hidden. You can rip out some speakers if you want. You won’t get them all; there are quite a lot of them. “You should have discovered by now that the windows are all barred and the doors have all been reinforced, making it much harder to break out than break in. You may even have resigned yourselves to being arrested, under the mistaken impression that the cops have been called. “You will notice an odor about now if you pay attention, and may even recognize it as gas which is escaping from the supply line that broke when the doors locked. You may even briefly hear the old electric drill, the one that sparks so badly you didn’t even bother to take it last time, as it starts in five seconds. Four… Three… Two… One… Zer...” The End
   

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  • Writing this way is hard to do. You did a good job. It is a bit off the wall, but I liked it.
    - August 12 2017 00:04:53