Farewell

Story written by MissDartit on Tuesday 30, May 2017

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Description
Since it has been a while since I have written anything I decided to try a Fiction writing exercise called story to a song to warm up. The idea as you might have guessed is to pick a song and write what ever story that comes to mind. The Song I used for this exercise is called "Farewell Life" by Arn Andersson & Nights Amore (instrumental) Can be found here if you want to listen to it at the same time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWZd8LN21nM . Not my best but its been a while so apologies in advance for the terrible plot and spelling mistakes. :P

Overall Rating: 76.15%

This writing has been rated by 4 members, resulting in a rating of 76.15% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:76.75%
Imagery:77.75%
Spelling & Grammar:73.25%
Flow/Rhythm:75.75%
Vocabulary:77.25%
It was a beautiful day, rays of sunshine crept through the cracks in the curtain slowly waking the occupants in the bed. Brown eyes starred into blue. He smiled, how he loved those eyes. They belonged to the most incredible creature he had ever met and lucky for him she was his and his alone. “Sir?” He tilted his head to the left. He saw nothing. He stayed quiet and listen but the male voice did not appear again. He must have imagined it. Mentally shaking his head, he followed his creature into the bathroom and into the shower. How he loved mornings like these. He quickly finished his shower and jumped into a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms and a white t-shirt which probably had seen better days, but it was his favourite. It had not been easy convincing his better half the value and comfort of the faded t-shirt. Over the years a few wholes had appeared in the seams and technically it was no longer white. He was not sure if it had a particular colour, after to many washes it had taken in colours from so many different clothes. However, he did not care, it was his favourite. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the hallway towards the kitchen. He took an extra deep breath, inhaling every bit if that aroma. Dark roasted beans from Colombia no doubt, he guessed as he exhaled. His favourite. Suddenly those blue eyes appeared in the kitchen entrance, drawing him in. He smiled. He continued down the hallway towards the kitchen. The sound of the radio and the coffeemaker filled the room as he entered. In front of the cooker stood a slender figure, his beloved, the owner of his favourite blue eyes, dressed in one of his oversized t-shirt, her long brown hair almost reaching the end of her back. She turned, smiled. Her blue eyes sparkling. How he loved those eyes. “Sir?” He quickly looked up in the direction of where the voice had come from. The same voice from before. Where had it come from? There was nobody else but them in the room. He must still be imagining things he though shaking his head gently. He looked back at his beloved, however something was not right. The rays of sunshine lighting up the room was gone. It was cold. The blue eyes staring back at him was not how he remembered. They were sad. It grew colder. Confused he reached out for her she shook her head. Was he having a nightmare? Surely, he thought. He pinched the side of his arm. He felt nothing, so he must be dreaming. He looked back at his beloved, she was crying. Why was she crying? He wanted to reach for her, hold her. Comfort her but every time he took a step towards her she shook her head harder. “Sir?” the male voice, a little louder this time. “Sir, I need you to open your eyes.” He looked up again towards the ceiling, why was he hearing this voice? Suddenly he noticed that the kitchen he once had stood in was gone, only darkness remained. He shook his head, surly he was having a nightmare. He fixed his eyes on his beloved. What is going on? Why are you crying? He wanted to shout but nothing came out as he opened his mouth. Suddenly panic struck him. She was fading. He was going to lose her. Desperately he tried to reach her but his body would not move. Goddamn it, move you idiot, he mentally shouted at himself but nothing happened. He looked back at his beloved who only smiled at him. No, no, no he shook his head as she slowly faded into nothing. Shit. He was alone, surrounded in nothing but darkness. In desperation, he had punched himself in the face hoping it would wake him up from whatever nightmare he was having, but nothing. The inevitably pain that would follow such a punch was not even present. He was numbed. The image of his beloved played again and again in his mind. She had said something but her voice had been inaudible. Suddenly, the room filled with light and the ability to feel pain reemerged and hit him like a ton of bricks. “Joe” Suddenly the voice knew his name. “Can you look at me?” The bright light slowly stared to dim as his eyes got accustomed revelling a white ceiling that was not his own. He slowly tried to turn his head in the direction of the voice. “Hi Joe” The voice belonged to a tall man dressed in blue scrubs and a white coat. His mind struggled to process the image before him. “Joe, there have been an accident.” the man continued “you are in the hospital.” Not able to fully understand he desperately tried to lift his arm. He needed to find his beloved, his other half. Instinctively the man beside him placed a gentle hand on his arm, already knowing what he wanted to do. To ask. “I’m sorry Joe.” The man squeezed his arm gently before continuing. “Jane did not make it.” Once the last word had reached his brain a sharp pain, far greater than the one he had experienced before hit him in the chest. The image of his beloved fading away reappeared and those words he could not hear suddenly became loud and clear. “Live … for me …”
   

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Comments

    Man! This is good. Been a long time sense I got to read any of your work. Well done. Only noticed 2 spelling errors.
    He wanted to reach for [hear], hold her. Comfort her but every time he took a step towards her she shook her head harder. [her]

    Suddenly he noticed that the kitchen he [ones] had stood in was gone, only darkness remained. [once]
    Cheers Pirate Smile, Well spotted on those spelling errors. Corrected them Smile
    Well, this was a fascinating concept and the Music really completed the work.

    It was sad I'd like to see what you could do with a happier song, maybe like video game music if you're into that.
    Wholes in the curtain- holes.

    Glad to have an old-timer write something here. Excellent work. I didn't suspect the ending.

    Odd thing: I;' writing a short story called "Goodtime Charlie's Got The Blues."
    The story was probably much better than I perceived, but the grammar and spelling mistakes kept taking me out of it. I know you said it was a draft, but I rated what I read,
    Good to have you back. And a good story after taking a long period away.

    You could really expand this and make it detailed if you so desire.