Energy - Prologue

Fantasy written by Nexeus on Saturday 4, February %19

Member Avatar
After being raised and taught to use the strange power known as energy, Aelians mentor and the only other person he has ever known vanishes. Soon realizing he now has to fend for himself does he assimilate into normal life with others or stay a nomad? Will he ever find his mentor again?

Overall Rating: Not Rated

This writing has not yet been rated and therefore this information is not yet available.
Aelian leaned against the wall, barely able to breathe. He’d been fighting with all he had but it still seemed as though it was nothing. How weak could he be? “You feel nothing! You have to draw on it. You have to use it or you will be no match for me.” Aelian looked up at Septis, would he ever be a match for him? Even if he could use it the right way he was still much smaller, much younger than Septis. After all, he was only a child. “Again!” Immediately Aelian stood again, closed his eyes, and tried to feel it again. It was there, he could feel it inside him, but how did he use it? He reached for the power and just as last time Septis attacked. His large fist sailed for Aelians head and seemed to be nearly the same size. Aelian dodged. “Faster!” shouted Septis. “If you can’t draw on it fast enough it does nothing for you in battle!” Septis’ large fist swung to the side quickly. Everything went almost black. All Aelian could see in the darkness were tiny spots of light. Even with the sharp pain in the side of his head, he knew it was coming before it happened. He knew Septis would not allow him a moment of weakness. The air was thrust out of Aelian’s lungs, and the new pain in his stomach flared. Even the little spots of light seemed to vanish. “You must feel the energy within you. Feel it flow through your body, to every extremity. Feel the power you have, focus on it, feel how it affects you. Feel it push and pulls within you. Feel how you can push and pull it. Push on it, focus and push. Bring it to your hands, to the center of your palms, and passed.” Aelian could feel it, he could feel the warmth pass through his body, through the center of his body and into his arms. Through his forearms and wrists and focus warmly in his palms. He pushed harder and the light shining one the other side of his eyelids grew brighter. He opened his eyes. It wasn’t only Septis’ energy that illuminated the dark room. Aelian gazed at it. The little white light glowing between his palms was like a little life. Even though it was outside of his body he still felt it. “Good,” Septis said. The warmth from the light, the energy, even the warmth that he could remember when he walked in the open with the sun on his face did not compare to what he felt at the simple word of high praise from his mentor. “You’ve lost it! With how quickly you brought it out you should have been able to hold it much longer than that. You have to focus! Stop letting yourself be distracted! FOCUS!” The moment was gone. He was suddenly aware of just how cold it was that night. “Before we fight you must draw on the energy within you. Feel it rushing inside you focus it into your body, feel it mix with your physical form. Focus and bring the energy forth.” Aelian was older now, he had moved passed the stages of small energy draw, now he had to bring out large amounts of energy quickly. His legs instinctively parted, arms bent at his side, fists clenched. He could feel the energy inside him. With an almighty pull, he drew on it. His muscles tightened and he groaned with effort. It was there, he was stronger, he could feel the new power his body had, the speed he could use. But it wasn’t enough he needed more and he needed it faster. The groan turned into a furious shout. He felt the energy rising from him now, blowing his hair like a gust of wind. And he stopped, he was ready. He pushed off and charged at Septis, trying to strike him before he could react. He saw the smile on Septis’ face, smile that he never seemed to show on purpose, the smile that seemed both elation and greed. His blow was parried. Septis other fist was almost in contact with Aelians face before he saw it. He ducked and used the momentum of his parried strike to spin himself attempting to trip his opponent. Septis jumped and spun in the air. Feer flooded Aelian as he knew he had less than a second to respond. He pulled on his energy and thrust himself out of the way as Septis kick crashed to the floor. The wooden floorboards cracked and splintered where he had just rolled away from. He had to get back to his feet but Septis seemed determined to keep him prone. Another attack was already coming. He tried to block the kick to his side as he stood. The immense force should have broken both of his arms as it struck. But the energy made him sturdier. He was flung several feet across the room, smashing painfully into the wall. He heard something crack but it was the wood behind him. Septis fist was already inches from his face. Refusing to not get a blow in Aelian parried the attack, quickly turned his wrist and caught on to Septis. Using the force from his punch he yanked on it pulling Septis off balance. Aelian spun his own body inward and struck Septis in the face with his other elbow. The powerful blow made Septis stumble backward giving Aelian the chance he needed. He swung another hard blow to Septis face with his fist staggering him further then spun and kicked. This time it was Septis that was thrown into a wall. The dust from the old boards he had smashed into filled the room. Aelian knew where he landed, however, and pursued. He readied his right fist. As soon as his left foot planted near enough he twisted his body throwing his whole body into the punch. The force from his bodies movements partially cleared some of the dust obscuring his target and before the blow landed he felt the same fear he did when he was just a kid. The look on Septis’ face was pure elation. A sharp pain shot through his striking arm and almost immediately in his chest. Aelian heard the air rushing in his ears and just as suddenly it had stopped. He was against the opposite wall now and he couldn’t breathe. Everything was blurry and it was so hard to stand. Little lights sparkled in front of his eyes, then all went black. Aelian opened his eyes. How long had he been meditating? Septis had left for periods before but this seemed far longer than any other time. It had at least been days, probably weeks since he had been told to meditate on his past training. Was he supposed to do so for this long? Was this something else he was supposed to learn on his own? Was he supposed to stop when he felt like he had meditated long enough? Aelian stood, and walked to the door. It creaked as he slowly swung it open. He prepared himself for a surprise attack as he stepped into the front room. It was empty. Furthermore, it seemed that nobody had been there for weeks. Septis was, as far as Aelian knew him, very structured. He had never spent more than a few days away. Was he going to come back?

Rate This Submission

Please take the time to rate this writing once you have read it. Our ratings system allows people to know both how popular the writing is, and how well the general populous of the site thinks it is written. This also allows the writer to have feedback about their writing, so they know if they need to improve their technique, or if they're on the right track.

The system allows you to vote on several aspects on the writing. Refer to the help text below each aspect for an explanation. Consider the different aspects carefully, and submit your vote using this form. It will be instantly weighted with the other votes given.

Depending on the writing type, give your opinion on the overall plot if it is a story, or the concept of the writing if it is abstract such as a poem. Does it seem to make sense, strike a chord with you or seem a well chosen concept? Did the author stick to the concept or did they change mid-thought?
Did the author use words and descriptions that allowed you to visualize the scenes portrayed in the writing? Did the feelings of the work stir your emotions as you read it?
Were the words spelled correctly? Was proper punctuation and grammar used? Could you easily understand sentences or did you have to re-read lines several times to understand what was meant?
Depending on the writing type, how did the writing flow? If it's a story, did it have a smooth, easy to follow flow? Did the flow of events make sense? If it's poetry, did the author stick with the syllable flow for that writing type? Did the lines rhyme properly if a rhyming device was used?
Did the author use the same words over and over or did they use a broad vocabulary to get their exact point across? Could better wording be chosen then what they have used?


Leave a Comment

Please Login to Post a Comment.
  • This is an interesting start to your story, Nex. There are a couple of minor spelling mistakes that you'll notice if you read it carefully like "Feer flooded Aelian..." instead of fear or "Septis face" instead of "Septis' face".

    I liked your descriptions, especially in the fight scene, and the flashbacks that show the growth of the character over time but the ending felt a little rushed to me. I think you could elaborate more and give a little more information about the setting of the story and who those two characters are, so that you can introduce us better to the main part.

    I'm looking forward to your next chapter!
    - March 27 2017 07:01:36
    • He pushed harder and the light shining [one] the other side of his eyelids grew brighter. [on]

      [Feer] flooded Aelian as he knew he had less than a second to respond. [Fear]

      Not bad at all Nex. A very good fight scene.
      - April 06 2017 09:59:17
      • Okay, you just need to edit. astarte and Pirate hit the errors.

        That said, a good start. Good imagery. Please continue.
        - June 01 2017 23:13:32