Mirror

Poem written by stmufarrohah on Sunday 27, November 2016

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Description
looking into yourself.

Overall Rating: 54.9%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 54.9% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:62.5%
Imagery:59%
Spelling & Grammar:46%
Flow/Rhythm:54%
Vocabulary:53%
I had a mirror in front of me, It showed to me a beautiful painting inside, In there I saw the edge of a cliff where a girl stood under the twilight, Fetching out her smile and loneliness in between, Her wings seemed broken on the one half. I thought, Probably she had problem with the scars? But it faded too swiftly, Or, she just snagged with the pain? Then it lasted too long, Oh, whatever. How did I know? I should not care. I winked, and a tear fell down the eyes, mine
   

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Comments

    You use nice word choice. It looks like you can write poem better than me. Would you like to share tips on writing a poem to me? Grin
    It is beautiful and so sad. The girl pictured herself in the mirror with beautiful painting and sad situation. I like this idea. The title also reflects the poem itself. "Mirror" reflects her personal life. Good job! Why don't you try to give metaphors in your poem? It would be more interesting, I guess.
    I have to admit that I kind of knew how this poem would end. But still, omg, you are able to deliver it so beautifully,girl! I guess your word choice helps a lot in building the readers' emotions. Super loving it!
    @stmufarrohah
    well, that's good. Most welcome.
    It's okay. You use Longman Dictionary in digital version to search appropriate word, right? I really appreciate your efforts. Grin
    @Meesafiktri

    Tbh, talking about word choices, it is one of my difficulties in writing poems.
    First of all, I should fix the concept of my poem. I should know the situations also the feelings.
    After that, I start to search the word that match with want to express. And this took a long time for me because I'm not the native one. I asked for help from Longman Dictionary in digital version! and It works Grin. Thing that we must have while searching the word is "patience", LOL.
    --
    Writing a poem for me becomes a challenge for me. This is not only about arranging word by word to make it beautiful, but also how that words could speaks towards the readers.
    My first language is Bahasa Indonesia, and that's not easy for me in writing in Bahasa because we know that a word has its own characteristic. So, could you imagine how could I make a masterpiece in English? The answer is I need to learn. As an amateur writer I need a lot to learn and learn and learn Smile
    @AvivKhasanah
    Thank you so much for the suggestion! It is because my vocabularies not that much, LOL. I'll try to be better on the next writing.
    --
    Yep. I tried to take a theme about self reflection, so I used mirror and a self as the objects. The POV is using first person to make the readers feel that it was also about themselves.
    Looking into a mirror is like you are describing what you see. It is a way of assessing yourself, your ways of working and how your feeling.
    Why I chose the sadness situation?
    Because most people do look into a mirror just to them better, I mean they want to look the beautiful and ignoring their hideous. That's why people to look beautiful by do all things, surgery for women for instance. It is one thing that make them have "the scars" even the bad one is "the pain".
    @Palupiskr
    Whoa, thankyou!

    --
    I just wanted to point it out about how the girl actually knows what happened but she pretended to not know about that.
    cited:
    Oh, whatever.
    How did I know?
    I should not care.


    moreover, the ending seems miserable.
    cited:
    I winked,
    and a tear fell down the eyes, mine


    That's my happiness that you still like this poem even you know what would end of this poem at the beginning Smile