Sunday

Sci-Fi Story written by Kanchir0b0t on Wednesday 15, November %8

Member Avatar
Description
Chapter 1 ??

Overall Rating: 85%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 85% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:85%
Imagery:85%
Spelling & Grammar:85%
Flow/Rhythm:85%
Vocabulary:85%
WARNING: the following story isn't finished and may not be for a while. Also I had little time to edit, so beware of my mistakes. I never thought my life would change. Day in and day out, the same thing. I'd go to work and sit there in my own comfortable rolling chair. Like a good little monkey I would concentrate on mindless forms and listen to the "personnel manager" tell me the purpose of life. This was my life. Then it ended. I remember when I was twelve my grandpa died in his sleep. I remember the word he wrote on his note pad. The word was burned into my skull. It was the only thing i remembered as the sun crashed into the earth. I rammed my head against it and i bled from my eyes as the word became my only purpose. STARCRADLE My eyes opened. Small talk came from the corner of my mind. "Where did he come from" "I don't know, sir, he just was there wen I turned me head" I was laying down on the floor, which was cold and metallic. A woman was standing to my side. I couldn't see her face, but her hair was short and black. Close to the woman was a small man with gray skin and a face like a turtle. I slowly sat up and spoke. "mmmuuammrrrrggg" For some reason my mouth wasn't working to well. I tried again "Wwwware....mmmmm ay" The woman turned to me, and I could see her face now. She had eyes that were as dark as her hair. While she was fairly attractive, she was also stern and cold. "You are on the Bryer, my unwanted guest, and I am its captain." The captain said as she raised a revolver from her side. "Who might you be, and why you be on my ship" "Ship? You mean like a boat?" I questioned " A boat lad? Ha." She laughed "No, a star ship" I turned his head to the round window. Outside was a black void speckled with white points that were distant yet familure. . I stood up slowly. "What kind of starship?" She briefly remarked with a grin and a glimmer in her eyes, "Why lad we are pirates." "Oh." I said. The Captain turned away from me and headed down the corridor directly in front of me. "Follow me..... um," she turned on her foot and grabbed her chin, "what be yer name lad." "uhh Kane, Kane Differ." I answered. "Right," she said, "and mine is Rose Bridge." "Oh I get it, like Bryer Rose." "Yes you and the ships dog" Rose said with a displeasing tone. The Captain continued, "And down this hall, the first door to the left, is where you be staying" I stopped, "I don't understand" "Excuse me?" "Even where I come from pirates arn't known for their hospitality" "And where do you come from, planet I mean?" she asked glaring me in the eye. "Earth" "Species?" "What?" "What species are ye?" "Human, wait you aren't?" "No lad, I ain't. You see I've been to many worlds, many planets. In fact their is but one whose soil I've not touched with me boots. Earth, lad, the only restricted planet in the universe. The only rock that has not been terra formed." I looked down at the floor, wondering if I had anything to miss from there. "Is...is that where we're going." I muttered. She turned around and continued down the hall. "No, we are heading ExAr, to the State planet." Rose spoke sharply. "You see, my valuable guest, you're quite the wanted individual. Since Earth is the mathematical origin of our universe, they would like to hear more about it, and you happen to be the only person that's been there."
   

Rate This Submission

Please take the time to rate this writing once you have read it. Our ratings system allows people to know both how popular the writing is, and how well the general populous of the site thinks it is written. This also allows the writer to have feedback about their writing, so they know if they need to improve their technique, or if they're on the right track.

The system allows you to vote on several aspects on the writing. Refer to the help text below each aspect for an explanation. Consider the different aspects carefully, and submit your vote using this form. It will be instantly weighted with the other votes given.


Depending on the writing type, give your opinion on the overall plot if it is a story, or the concept of the writing if it is abstract such as a poem. Does it seem to make sense, strike a chord with you or seem a well chosen concept? Did the author stick to the concept or did they change mid-thought?
Did the author use words and descriptions that allowed you to visualize the scenes portrayed in the writing? Did the feelings of the work stir your emotions as you read it?
Were the words spelled correctly? Was proper punctuation and grammar used? Could you easily understand sentences or did you have to re-read lines several times to understand what was meant?
Depending on the writing type, how did the writing flow? If it's a story, did it have a smooth, easy to follow flow? Did the flow of events make sense? If it's poetry, did the author stick with the syllable flow for that writing type? Did the lines rhyme properly if a rhyming device was used?
Did the author use the same words over and over or did they use a broad vocabulary to get their exact point across? Could better wording be chosen then what they have used?

0 comments

Leave a Comment

Please Login to Post a Comment.
  • No Comments have been Posted.