There is often a collision between the heart and mind with regards to what is right from what is wrong. Things will happen in life that are meant to, and at the end of it all its up to you to either move on from it or let it govern the rest of your life.
|This writing has not yet been rated and therefore this information is not yet available.|
He lifted her up in his arms and pushed her up against the wall, she wrapped her legs around him pulling him closer into her, she loved the way he handled her body during these moments.
Every inch of her being loved this man, the way he smelled, the way he smiled, the way he knew exactly how to get her riled up and wanted nothing more than to please her.
She allowed her fingers to run along his back as his lips continued to explore the upper half of her body. Every inch of her burned with the sweltering heat of desire, she gently pulled at his soft locks, as he made his was from her collar bone to her neck. She knew he would take his time here as it was one of her most sensitive areas. She let out a soft sigh and pulled him in closer, she felt his tongue licking her neck, his teeth gently nibbling all the while making her heart pound with more adrenaline than she thought she could handle. Then finally he made it to her lips, she looked him in the eyes while she ran her fingers through his hair again. He closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip as she did this, resulting in her legs wrapping tighter around him and she not being able to control herself any longer. With some force she pulled him into her, she parted his lips with her tongue and allowed herself to taste him in every way she could.
He gently let her legs down to the floor, allowing him more leeway to her being. She adored kissing this man, she could do it for days on end. The clothing which lay on their bodies, forming a most unwanted barrier from his skin annoyed her and she quickly grasped the edge of his grey vest and yanked on it to pull it off. As the cotton moved from his torso to his neck to over his head she couldn't help but smile to herself. And just like that, it was all over.
Amelia slowly turned to her side in her bed, the sheets now lay knotted and wet from sweat. This was the fourth time in three weeks she had had this dream and every time was the same theme, she was entangled with a man she couldn't help but adore, faceless in the dream yet she knew exactly who he was. She adored him in every form and fashion, yet when it came down to her truly being happy it always resulted in the same way, she woke up, rolled over in her bed and stared at the ceiling until she fell back asleep.
It had been four years since Amelia's last interaction with someone of the opposite sex, and since then she had truly tried her best to stay off the grid and away from any interactions with men. She had always for some strange reason found herself attracted to those men who were extremely easy to fall for, yet all the more unavailable. Every guy she had met over the past few years and allowed herself to grow a bit close to had ended up being extremely married, taken or just not into her. It didn't bother her that much initially for she knew most women in the world complained about the very same fact, however recently she had found herself yearning for the companionship everyone wanted and thus she figured the reason for her dreams.
She also knew that the dreams were a representation of her last so-called relationship she had. Everyone has that one relationship that defines a part of their lives. This was one such relationship, it was the first time Amelia had ever fallen in love and it was also one of most social unacceptable relationships, for that person was very much married while they were together. On the nights she had this dream, she would allow her mind to go back to how things were back then, how naive she was yet how absolutely happy he made her.
His name was Marcus; tall, dark, fairly well toned body with a little chub on him. They had been friends for six years prior to their affair and Amelia had never even looked at this man in any other form. She had known from the very beginning that he was married and she respected that fact. She was never one of those girls to actively go looking for the ones who were taken as she always put herself in the shoes of the other woman, and she did not want to be the reason another person's faith and trust in their relationship was broken. She had also met his wife and knew that this man had to be a complete idiot to ever cheat on her, she was gorgeous. The type of woman girl's would look at and comment on as she walked by. She was intelligent, kind, and and all round sweetheart, yes there was never a doubt in her mind that she and Marcus would ever cross any boundaries. As time progressed however, she realized that some things just can't be avoided and sometimes faith has other plans.
It all happened so fast. One night while out with mutual friends the two ended up dancing together, the music was pumping and the rhythmic sounds just vibrated through her body. This plus the five shots of tequila she had before had her in one of the best moods she had been in a very long while. Marcus danced along with his friends and looked at her and smiled every so often, she honestly took nothing of it, but at one glance she saw him look at her, truly look at her and she just felt something in her change. She couldn't tell what but as she looked at him she realized he felt it too. He stopped dancing and walked over to her, shoving fellow gyrating bodies out of the way. Soon his face was directly in-front of hers, all she remembered was his fingers intertwining with hers and him leading her to the back wall.
The lights at the bar flicked different colors and the music blared over the speakers to the point that bass of the song vibrated her insides. Marcus took her hand and placed it close to his face, he kissed her fingers, and before she realized, her back was up against the wall. The two were face to face and while her insides screamed at her to move or do something for this was wrong, her body was immobilized, she did not want to move, she wanted to see what he would do. Slowly he leaned into her, his cheek brushing hers, he kissed her there. He moved back to watch her dead in her eyes and all the while Amelia stood their with her mind blank and her heart pounding. He ran his finger across her jawline and smiled, "you don't realize how beautiful you are do you?" she remembered him asking. Everything else after that was a blur, she just remembered tasting his lips, the sweet taste of vodka and cranberry lingered on his tongue. She remembered grabbing his hair and pulling him in closer to her, chest against chest they kissed for what seemed like an eternity yet was only a few minutes. As the song came to an end so did their interaction, he kissed her cheek again, squeezed her hand and made his was back to his friends.
Initially, Amelia found it strange how easy it was for her to accept this, him not staying with her in the corner for the rest of the night did not bother her as she had already known this would happen, he was married and would not want his friends to see him kissing someone who was not his wife. This was the first time Amelia had ever done something like this, she was always the good girl, did everything she was supposed to without any objections, but tonight she could not deny the fact that she wanted this more than anything. She never understood how much she was truly attracted to Marcus until tonight, and the fact that he was the one to approach her and instigate the whole thing made her insides tingle a bit from excitement. Never had she done such and thing and never again did she think she ever would. Wrong again she was.
A month following the kissing incident as she had started referring to it, she ended up meeting Marcus at a food cart just outside her office. They ended up talking, and not just about work and what happened, but they actually talked. She realized they had a lot more in common than most. And what truly surprised her was the fact that he actually truly listened and wanted to know more about her. yes they had been friends for six years but it was like they were now truly allowing themselves to be seen by the other. Needless to say she allowed her walls to fall again and she and Marcus went for an early dinner that day. The dinner led to daily talks on the phone, which then grew to daily Skype calls.
Marcus's job called for him to make business trips several times for the year, which resulted in the daily Skype calls turning into numerous calls throughout the day and night. She particularly remembered one call in which he was stranded at an airport in Toronto. They stayed up chatting for the entire five hours he was there, to the point she had to call in sick the next day due to lack of sleep. She had never done these things before, and her heart soared with emotions she never thought she would ever feel.
Their relationship was a most peculiar one she had to admit, although she was in love with him and he told her the same daily, she always made mention of his wife, always asked how she was and not because she was being the overly jealous and possessive mistress, but because she knew that Marcus was never going to truly be her's and she accepted that. She never asked for him to leave his wife, never expected anything from him. Even when they would go out she would never let him pay for her or buy her things. No she was not like a normal mistress, in-fact she did not see herself as a mistress at all, for one must have intimate relations to be deemed that, and although the two did bare their souls to each other in their talks and did share many kisses, they had yet to bare their bodies, and this was something Amelia did not want, for she knew once she crossed that line there would be no going back.
Seven months had flown past and she didn't even notice it, she guessed this is what people meant when they said time flies when you are having fun, and she was, she had never been more in love and happy than she had been in the past few months with Marcus. This put her a bit on edge for she new that happiness could only last so long until a dark cloud came around. Her feelings were quickly brought to reality a few days later. Marcus had come over to her apartment for one of their weekly movie dates, he had brought over the chinese food they had loved and set the couch up exactly as she knew he liked it. She lit candles to allow the mood of the room to be set and waited for him to lay down on the floor while she would go to the kitchen to spoon out the food.
This day however was a bit different. When Marcus came into the apartment, he rest the Chinese down on the counter like he normally did and made his way to the couch, this time however, he took Amelia with him. The two quickly became intertwined in each other, lost in their love and adoration for the next. Amelia's mind had always lost control in these situations for she truly did adore this man. She loved him with her entire soul. The girl who never said the word love to anyone other than her immediate family members would easily profess this to him and she loved that he was the one who made her feel this way.
She remembered him lifting her up off the couch and laying her down on the floor, all she could think was how thankful she was that she vacuumed the rug as her sinuses would have truly ruined this moment had she not. His lips molded into hers, her hands caressed every inch of his body that she could feel. Slowly she would find herself running her fingers under his clothing and pulling off his shirt, he would follow suit and undo her clothing. The two lay naked on the floor, eyes locked on each other, he heart filled with joy and passion as this was the only place she wanted to be, in his arms, smiling and feeling more love than she could ever imagine.
"Amelia, I love you" he whispered, "I know we don't share a typical relationship but I truly do love you and I want you to know this, my heart feels alive with you". Amelia stroked his hair while looking into those eyes she had grown to love over the past few months, "I love you more than you could ever imagine Marcus, you have become the reason I smile now, the reason I want to improve, the reason I want to do anything now", she professed, "You have shown me so much love in the past few months than I have ever felt in years, and for that I can't even begin to thank you. I don't understand why you fell in love me or how, but I am truly thankful that you did." Marcus's smile disappeared, she saw the emotions on his face, he felt the same way but he did not want to express it in words anymore. He leaned in and kissed her, unlike any other kiss they had shared. This was raw passion, his hands moved from her face to her chest and quickly made its way down.
Amelia's heart coursed with heat, she wanted him in every form and fashion. She kissed him as hard and rugged as she could, she bit his lower lip and let her hands move to his bottom. She squeezed and pulled him more into her. She wanted to devour him and wanted him to do the same to her. The two spent the night lost in each other's bodies and souls.
The next morning, as Amelia awoke alone in her apartment, she smiled to herself as she replayed the events of the night over and over again in her mind. She adored the markings left on her sensitive skin and the way her body seemed to glow from the love they shared. She found herself smiling at the smallest and most insignificant things throughout the day, as everything seemed to remind her of how lucky she was to have a man that loved her so and made her feel so many things. She remembered going out to the same food truck that started it all and getting the same order she had that faithful day. As she turned to walk back to her office however, her heart dropped and reality came swimming back to life in her mind as there standing across the way from the truck was Marcus's wife.
Dressed in an ever so smart grey tunic top and tight black leggings, she looked even more beautiful than Amelia had remembered. The bile slowly started making its way up into her throat, she ran and threw away the food as soon as she could. She quickly found herself in an alley not too far from her office and slumped to the ground there, out of sight from most and extremely embarrassed by the truth which had swiftly come back to her mind. She had just slept with a married man. A man who, while laying with her on the floor of her apartment, had a wife patiently waiting for him to come home from working 'late' at the office. The tears openly flowed from her eyes, she could not believe she had been so stupid. How could she have allowed herself to get so caught up in such a huge illusion? She had known it from the beginning that he would never be her's, had reminded herself daily that what they shared was different, but now after last night she had to come to terms with the truth. There relationship was no different from other affairs and she, just like most women, got lost in the beauty of a lie.
The very next day, Amelia called Marcus and told him they could not continue as they were. Her heart ached with every fiber of her being to leave him, but she knew she had to. He had asked if they could remain friends and still share the simplest of bonds, but she knew better. The way she felt for him, although she knew she could love him from afar and never have a repeat of what they shared, she would not put herself in that position where there could be potential of past mistakes reoccurring. "I'm sorry that I hurt you Amelia" he had said, "But I would always love you, I don't know what force led us together and allowed us to do what we did, but i'm happy you allowed me to love you and that for even the shortest of moments you loved me to". With that, Marcus hung up the phone and Amelia lay on the floor of her apartment crying for the next hour.
As she snapped back to the reality of now and tried to undo her knotted sheets to fall back to sleep again she couldn't help but think to herself of something Marcus had once told her. He had said that falling in love with her was the easiest thing for him. And truth be told, of the few men she had seen since him had also reiterated the same fact. They had all said that she was so easy to fall in love with and she made it easy for them to be happy. She didn't know if this was true, as clearly she had not found anyone who truly sparked anything in her since Marcus, but she couldn't help but smile at this. This statement gave her hope, maybe one day she would find someone who truly did love her and whom she could call her own. Maybe she would find her happiness in real as apposed to the ever too real dreams that left her dripping with sweat every so often. At this point in her life she truly did not know if their was someone out there for her, but for now she would hold on to hope that love was out there for her and one day she would find it.
Until then however, she would continue to do as she did everytime following having this dream; she rolled over onto her back and stared at the ceiling praying for a dream less sleep to come. This time however, she allowed the tears to flow openly down her cheeks. Each warm tear a gentle reminder of how much she yearned for that which lay out of her reach and just how badly she wanted love to find its way back to her.