Snow White: The Evil Queen (Part 4)

Story written by Blood_Black_Rose on Sunday 14, February %11

Member Avatar
A Twist on an old tale. How I think it should have been written.

Overall Rating: Not Rated

This writing has not yet been rated and therefore this information is not yet available.
Part 4 Snow White was wandering around looking for something to take the next little man out with when she stumbled down a huge hole. Looking up from the hole, she knew if she could get some sharp sticks this would be perfect as a pit. Climbing out, she set off to find some large sharp sticks. Once she found ten sticks, she was happy with, she stuck the blunt end in the bottom of the hole and moved onto the next. In no time at all she was done carefully climbing out of her pit, she then gathers thin twigs and vines and loosely bound them all together making a lid for the pit. Putting the lid on the trap, Snow White then put the thinnest layer of dirt and leaves on top. Once she was happy with her trap she set off to see if she could find something to eat. The prince was chewing on a dead rabbit when he heard a loud crash and then shouts of agony. Getting up and dropping the rabbit, he took off to see what was going on and hoping the princess was uninjured. The prince came to a clearing with a large hole in the middle. Strange sound were coming from within in the pit. Although the prince feared the princess was in there, he had to look. Once at the edge, he saw not the princess but one of the little men. The little man was spiked through about ten times all over his body and although he was not yet dead, he soon would be. The prince clapped and in the dirt beside the pit he wrote a huge number one. Bravo he thought as he went in search for his next kill. Snow White had climbed another tree but by the time she reached the top, she could see her trap had been sprung and next to it was a large one in the dirt beside it. The prince must have been close and marked her kill for her. Snow White smiled, how sweet she thought. Still hungry the princess looked around for something to nibble on but found nothing of use and so she swung by vines to the next tree where she found two adult squirrels and caught them both by the tails. She swung them around and banged their heads on the tree trunk until they were dead. She pulled the fur out and began to eat them raw. The prince sat down for a rest as he had walked a long way. Next thing he knew, two of the little men went running by, not even giving him a second look. The prince saw the numbers four and five on their hats and he could not resist a double kill. He strung his bow and shouldered his arrows and followed the little men, this was going to be epic thought the prince, he would win for sure. The little men had stopped not far in front of the prince but the prince couldn't figure out why... until he heard the buzzing up high. Wasps. A huge nest of wasps. The prince almost laughed, this was almost too easy. The prince took aim and fired an arrow and it struck the wasp nest and a large part fell off and landed on the number 4 man and it crushed him. The number 5 man was being stung to death, the little man took off into the forest with the wasps on his tail. The prince followed as a safe distance, before long the wasps overwhelmed the little man and he dropped dead. As the little man dropped several of the wast stings burst open which splattered all over the place. Snow White had gotten bored in her tree and climbed down the tree and found a path through the forest and started to follow it. Snow White followed the path until it came to a tiny house in the forest and she recognized it straight away, it was the house of the seven little men. As luck would have it one of the little men was waiting outside, this little man had the number two on his hat. Snow White burst out of the forest, waving her arms and yelling, "Help me, Help me! The prince is trying to kill me!" The little man startled and waved the princess inside. Just inside the door lay an axe. The little man had run off to make some tea for the princess. The princess picked up the axe and stood behind the man who was watching the water, "Thank you" said the princess as she swung the axe overhead and sliced him in half from head to toe, "For making this so damn easy" finished the princess with a smile. Then the princess watched as the water started to boil, Snow White made herself a cup of tea and waited for the prince to find her as she had become suddenly bored with the hunting game.

Rate This Submission

Please take the time to rate this writing once you have read it. Our ratings system allows people to know both how popular the writing is, and how well the general populous of the site thinks it is written. This also allows the writer to have feedback about their writing, so they know if they need to improve their technique, or if they're on the right track.

The system allows you to vote on several aspects on the writing. Refer to the help text below each aspect for an explanation. Consider the different aspects carefully, and submit your vote using this form. It will be instantly weighted with the other votes given.

Depending on the writing type, give your opinion on the overall plot if it is a story, or the concept of the writing if it is abstract such as a poem. Does it seem to make sense, strike a chord with you or seem a well chosen concept? Did the author stick to the concept or did they change mid-thought?
Did the author use words and descriptions that allowed you to visualize the scenes portrayed in the writing? Did the feelings of the work stir your emotions as you read it?
Were the words spelled correctly? Was proper punctuation and grammar used? Could you easily understand sentences or did you have to re-read lines several times to understand what was meant?
Depending on the writing type, how did the writing flow? If it's a story, did it have a smooth, easy to follow flow? Did the flow of events make sense? If it's poetry, did the author stick with the syllable flow for that writing type? Did the lines rhyme properly if a rhyming device was used?
Did the author use the same words over and over or did they use a broad vocabulary to get their exact point across? Could better wording be chosen then what they have used?

1 comment

Leave a Comment

Please Login to Post a Comment.
  • Once again, you need to do some editing.

    The story is progressing nicely.
    - February 21 2016 19:27:56