That Night

Story written by aSin on Wednesday 15, July 2015

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Description
The first attraction to someone is something a person never forgets. Young love at its finest, with a dash of humor.

Overall Rating: 88.8%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 88.8% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:100%
Imagery:70%
Spelling & Grammar:96%
Flow/Rhythm:84%
Vocabulary:94%
There they were all alone finally after the long and hectic day... Emme looked at him with adoring eyes glaring at his every movement as he gently circled the pool table looking for a good shot. Her eyes traced every inch of him which she could see and she couldn't help but feel the increase of anxiety in her; she had never realized it before but Damion was quiet good looking she thought to herself quietly. Lost in her revere she started reflecting on just how much of a whirlwind their friendship was. She remembered the first time she saw Damion. Like every other Wednesday afternoon, Emme made her way to the school soccer field for practice. This Wednesday however, Coach Hadler was not the only person setting up. A medium built, dark curly haired guy stood next to him placing the cones in there specific spots for the warm ups. She remembered thinking that if he was this appealing from far away, she could only imagine how he would be up close. That afternoon Coach introduced the team to their new assistant Coach; Mr. Damion Seals. A recent gradate from Pierce College stemming from a Soccer scholarship. He knew what he wanted and he wasn't afraid to work to get it. He had taken this job as he knew it would not only develop his skills but it would also look good on his resume with a dream of eventually making it as a assistant coach to one of the more popular out of state teams. His determination was one of the first aspects about him which Emme could remember falling for. It took more than five months before either of the two would truly open up to the other outside of practice. While on the field it was all business. Damion was very strict about the team keeping on our toes to ensure we performed at the peak of our ability. His new techniques and perseverance infused new life to each member. Each girl was slowly but surely improving in their own way and with it the teams overall performance. After a few months with his coaching we climb up in ranks within the under-20 squads, a feat we thought would take much longer than it did. After practice was always her favorite time with Damion. He was willing to open up about his life in College, his experiences and she soaked it in like a sponge to water. Before long a year and half has passed and they each became fond of the other. Damion now knew her family and vice versa. He mum adored him, and dad enjoyed the fact that he had a little more testosterone around the house. "Your shot!" He said snapping her instantly back to reality, she gave him a quick smile and proceeded to look for a good shot. There at the edge of the table Damion sat on the black wooden chair looking at every move she made; his eyes followed her every movement as if to learn them by heart, the flex of her muscles, the soft thud of the vein just along her neck. He slowly began to realize that Emme wasn't that little girl he had started coaching three years ago. She was now a fully developed woman, he couldn't help but trace the newly discovered curves on her body, he watched slowly and saw how gentle her skin looked and how graceful she looked even while just slowly circling a small pool table. He was surprised to see just how the thought of being with her at this time and place brought such a sense of happiness to him, he realized that he was slowly but surely falling for her. This thought on the other hand brought him an overwhelming sense of sadness and fear, for he knew that this could never happen! Damion had developed a soft spot for Emme over the years as friends. He always kept a special eye out for her on the field and was extra hard on her for he knew the capabilities she possessed. But he never thought he would have fallen for her to such an extent. He found himself smiling about the thought of her, the hair in-front her face. The way she would snort whenever they watched TV with her dad and he would let out the loudest groan when the game show he was watching came to an end. He adored the way she interacted with his little brother and sister. And his mom was forever harassing him about how beautiful she is and she didn't know what he was waiting on. Back then it all seemed so simple. He was her Coach, they were friends yes but there was no blurring of the lines. He stood his ground for he knew that his dreams required this restraint. After two and a half hours of playing pool together they finally decided that it was enough and maybe they should head upstairs to their rooms to try and get some sleep for their early day tomorrow; but the faint call of the waves softly crashing on the sand outside had a different idea for them. "So tell me the truth, are you really sleepy?" Damion asked Emme as she turned to go up the stairs. She looked at him and thought about it for a while, she secretly hoped that in the silence he couldn't hear the sound of her heart hitting her insides. "Oh my GOD! Oh my GOD! ok, ok, breathe Emme, act natural, slow and steady.", "Nope, not really... why do you ask?" Emme breathlessly answered. "Well what do you think of a walk on the beach?" Damion asked. "Sure why not!". Emme couldn't believe this was happening to her, she was just thankful that she didn't make a complete fool herself. Then again as she thought she still had to walk on the beach with him in the night so there was still time for her to do something truly embarrassing! They slowly walked outside, past the brightly colored tables on the deck of the hotel and too her surprise as much as they glowed in the sunlight, there true colors' seemed to come out even more in the moonlight. Finally after a few minutes their bare feet touched the warm, gentle sand, they both walked side by side along the long stretch of beach. She couldn't help but get lost in the sight of the moonlight glistening over the water, her heart was so content with just being this close to him, but this made thing even more wonderful, she couldn't believe how lucky she was to be present at this time and moment! Damion looked over at the girl he had grown very much fond of over the past few years. While she was totally engrossed in the sight of the sea and he was immediately lost in the sight of her. He realized that the soft light given off by the lights in the hotels lobby didn't do her any justice, but THIS. Oh it showed just how much of a Goddess she was in his eyes!. His heart thumped heavily in his chest and his breath increased to a rapid speed, he was now totally engrossed with anger. He turned swiftly on the balls of his feet and ran towards the hotel. Emme turned just in time to see the back of his white T-shirt disappear in the distance... she was overcome with such an overwhelming feeling of sadness that tears flowed freely from her eyes without her even realizing. "This was not supposed to happen!" She thought to herself. Her mind running a million miles a second. "NO! Its not going to end this way!" Anger now raged through her like fire through a arid forest! She immediately sprung to her feet and ran faster than she ever had. She had to know just what had ruined her happiest moment. The wooden stairs stood no chance of keeping her back, she lunged over them and ran straight into the lobby and saw him there leaning face forward over the pool table. She noticed at once that he was no longer in the happy state of mind he was a few minutes ago... she cautiously walked towards him and noticed the veins throbbing under his skin, he was furious; for what reason she couldn't understand. "What's wrong?" She asked, the most worrying and caring look on her face. Damion didn't dare turn his face. He wouldn't dare to look at her for he knew that he had just ruined a most precious moment for her and he couldn't bare the thought of him being the cause of her sadness. " WHAT'S WRONG!" Emme ended up shouting at him out of pure concern. She didn't even realize just how angry she was until she heard the echo of her voice in the silence of the hotel lobby. " I can't do this!" Damion said softly as if he himself didn't want to say it. She looked at him with even more concern. Just what had she done to get him so mad? She really couldn't understand. "You cant do what?" she asked in the most controlled voice she could muster. Damion's muscles, now glistening with sweat began to tremble, this caused Emme to take an unwanted step backwards. "I'm your coach! I cant be having these feelings for you Emme; and for some reason, i cant imagine not being able to have you in my life". Emme now looked at Damion with wild eyes. Shock ran through ever inch of her body, she couldn't believe what he just said. "OH MY GOD!... Is this really happening?" She pinched herself involuntarily. "OUCH!" she yelped. After a few minutes of thinking to herself a small smile broke over Emme`s face.She slowly turned to Damion and broke the intensity of the silence. "You're not my coach! you're only the assistant coach, and I have no problem with us; I`ve been hoping you would notice me in this way for some while now!" Damion slowly turned his head and looked up at Emme, caution shone in his eyes but was slowly driven out by the smile on her face. No matter how hard he tried he could not fight this feeling he had for her. " I want to do this, I really want to but I don't want to put you in any jeopardy!" he said to her. " I want to try this but your going to have to help me, i cant do this on my own", his words warmed her heart even more. Emme slowly turned Damion`s face and stared straight into his golden brown eyes. "We`ll get through anything, once we're together!". Damion couldn't hold back his urge anymore. He took her into his arms and kissed her with all his might. releasing all his feelings into the kiss... Emme fit into Damion perfectly. Her body interlocked into his effortlessly which was quiet an amazing thing as Damion was quite a bit taller than she was... Their lips molded into each other, caution now a thing of the not so distant past they both were able to release their feelings for each other into this kiss. She ran her fingers through Damion's hair, twirling the soft curls on the back of his neck, she was the happiest she had ever been just being in his arms. Damion slowly passed his hands down her side until they reached the small of her back. He held her in such a tight grasp as if he never wanted to let go. They both were lost in each other and had no other care in the world. All that mattered to them was that this night last as long as it possibly could... neither of them wanted to end this kiss. Emme smiled to herself and finally parted from Damion`s lips. She looked at him with those gorgeous eyes which he loved more than himself and said; " Now THAT`s how tonight was supposed to end!"
   

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Comments

    This is a good scene, but needs some work.

    First, it needs a good editing.

    Second, you need to make it longer. You are dealing with difficult and complex emotions between two people. Flesh this out, build some suspense, show the confusion the two characters are feeling.
    Will do.. I have a few ideas to add to these characters, so will do that... Thank You for the help... it is most welcome and greatly appreciated.
    Very good, though yes, it needs editing. Think senses. How does the scene smell, taste, feel,etc.
    Ooo... never thought about it from that perspective (as in the senses part). Thanks!.. will edit and add on as best I can