Breeze

Story written by kt6550 on Wednesday 10, June 2015

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Description
A reposting. The original was lost when the server crashed.

Overall Rating: 83.2%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 83.2% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:60%
Imagery:85%
Spelling & Grammar:95%
Flow/Rhythm:86%
Vocabulary:90%
This is a reposting of an expanded Dash that was lost when the server crashed.
BREEZE
[left]The breeze. It started its day in the cool morning, riding the tops of the waves of the sea. It accepted a gentle nudge from the water, and began its journey. It moved to the beach, over the sand, and up the gentle rise to the top of the outcropping. It was still cool. Next it would drop down the sheer cliff to the sands of the desert below. It would move across the desert, and, as the sun rose higher and higher in the sky, the breeze would warm. And the warmth would cause it to rise high in the sky. Then, with another gentle nudge, it would head back toward the sea, where it would start to cool. It would drop to the sea, as the sun dropped below the horizon in the west. It would converse with the waves of the sea until the next morning, when the sea would nudge it again. The cycle was never-ending. **** Osiris stood atop the rock outcropping, watching the waves dance on top of the sea. Their tops glistened as of fine silver as the light of the morning sun hit them. Osiris felt the cool, morning ocean air, and then he turned to look out over the sands of the desert. He watched the grains of sand swirl as the morning air moved, agitating them. Osiris loved the mornings. "You spend too much time here," Isis, his wife, stated, smiling and approaching. "It will soon be time." "I think," Isis said, with a frown, "that some morning I will not find you, and I will be alone." "I will not leave without you," Osiris answered, taking her hands in his. "Even though I am ready, I will wait for you. I will never leave you alone." "Even if it is a thousand years?" "Even ten thousand," Osiris answered. And then he embraced and kissed her. But it did not take one thousand years. It took roughly half that. And on that morning, Isis and Osiris stood on the outcropping, facing the desert, and holding hands. "The one god drives out the many," Osiris stated. "But humanity will turn away from him, as well," Isis responded. And she looked at her husband and kissed him. He kissed her back. "And that will be their doom as a race." "It is time," he said. The couple looked out over the hot morning sands. Then they embraced. The morning breeze turned into a morning wind. And the pair slowly dissolved into motes, and became one with the relentless breeze, and part of the never-ending cycle. [/left]
   

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Comments

    I like this. You might think about the ISIS usage if you go anyplace else with this.
    Whoa i loved this! I like that has to do with gods in their literal form. One sentence could use a touch up, where you relate the wind to silver. Maybe use l"ike" instead of "as of"? Might just be the way I'm reading it though. Great piece.
    Most interesting,
    It's so sweet, short and so romantic, leaving a smile for a while after I read itSmile
    Good read. Beautiful descriptors leading to the dialogue between god and goddess. The philosophical point felt too blunt for the briefness it was given but perhaps that was the point. Thanks for sharing!

    @don
    : lol. I didn't make that connection until I read you comment
    Short and sweet.... very lovely.
    Like this a lot more than the traditional stories from the Pyramid & later texts.