Sitting Bull, Crazy Horse and Sgt. Preston of the Yukon Palaver

Story written by Don Roble on Friday 10, April 2015

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After the Little Big Horn, ht e Souix went on the lam.

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A few days after the battle at the Little Big Horn, Crazy Horse, Sitting Bull and some of the boys were sitting around the tepee smoking loco weed and swapping lies. Crazy Horse needed some fresh air and a minute away from Sitting Bull. Sitting Bull hadn"t bathed since the last rain. Crazy Horse hadn"t either but they say you can"t smell your own stink. As Crazy Horse was standing in the opening, swaying to whatever music he was hearing, or thought he was hearing, he spotted someone riding towards the camp. By squinting he could see it was a Mountie. One. He thought, "They call me crazy?." "Uh, oh", he said. He told the boys about the Mountie. Sitting Bull heard it. He thought it was nothing. Crazy Horse was called Crazy Horse for a reason. If Crazy Horse thought Sitting Bull was going over there and look he was really crazy. Sitting Bull was called Sitting Bull for a reason too. "Redcoat coming", Crazy horse said. "You think he heard about Custer?" "Hmm, news travels fast with the white eyes. Maybe. Okay, here"s what we do. We speak with forked tongues and sign language. Hey, no whipping him the finger, hear me?", Sitting Bull said. The Mountie dismounted and handed the reins to a brave standing there. The brave couldn"t believe his luck! Easiest steal he"d ever had. After entering the teepee, the Mountie spoke. "I"m Sgt. Preston of the Yukon. I was on my way back from leave when I smelled the smoke. You boys smoking anything funny?" The Indians gave him their most innocent look. It was exactly the same as the look they gave Custer. They only had one look for a white eye. "It was a misunderstanding down on the -", Sitting Bull started to say. "Hold it! I have to read your rights to you first," Sgt. Preston of the Yukon told them. He then read them their rights. The various Commanches, Sioux, Cheyennes and others didn"t know rights from buffalo dung. You catch someone, you kill him. The man had a right to remain silent but he wasn"t going to. He was going to be screaming, especially those soft white eyes. They didn"t know what an attorney was. If they had, they would have had more sympathy for white eyes. They would have found Jesus. "Now, we have rules here in Canada. This isn"t like the US. You leave it like you found it. No trash, no bottles and, say, is that an open fire? That"s a big no-no", Preston told them. Sitting Bull gave Preston a line of bull in Sioux. Crazy Horse thought about roasting Preston over the fire. Preston was wondering if his horse was alright. Sitting Bull indicated that the fire was inside the teepee. Preston agreed that would be okay. Sitting Bull agreed not to leave any bones, human or animal, behind when they left. Preston agreed that the horse manure would be environmentally helpful. He questioned them about latrines. Sitting Bull slid past that one by telling Preston there wouldn"t be any wild parties. Preston left the camp satisfied that he"d done a good job with the tribes gathered here. He"d had no experience with these kind. Teepees instead of igloos. Wait until the Eskimos hear about this.
   

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Comments

    lmao. Really good, Don.
    Need to expand on this one for sure Don. lol
    I read your pieces knowing i'm in for a good laugh. Well done.