Uhhh...It kind of still needs a title...^^;

Sci-Fi Story written by Troubled Flux on Saturday 28, October %11

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Don't read this.Seriously, don't.You don't want to.Go away.Find something else to read.Even if you read this,you wouldn't be able to understand it.Your puny feeble human mind prevents you.Don't read this.

Overall Rating: 92.4%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 92.4% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:91%
Imagery:92.5%
Spelling & Grammar:95%
Flow/Rhythm:91%
Vocabulary:92.5%
He sniffed experimentally at the rank-smelling puddle in the alley behind the restaurant, keeping one ear tuned to the sounds floating through the brick wall through the backdoor and another to the sounds of traffic coming from the street out front. He put his nose down closer to the water--too close. Water leapt up his wet, cold black nose, and he jerked back violently, sneezing and shaking his furry head back and forth. He backed away from the puddle at the same time, and ended up with his rear sticking unceremoniously up in the air and his snout buried in the flat, unforgiving black tar, pawing at his tender nose, which currently felt as if it was retaining all the fury of a raging forest fire in dry season. Not that he'd ever seen a forest. He'd seen the news about them on store window TVs, so he knew what a forest fire was and looked like, and he'd heard talk about them in the local bars. Though why the region's local dregs of society would be interested in holding conversation on the subject of nature's natural disasters, he had no idea. His days were consumed mainly with getting enough to eat and drink, and finding a good place to sleep. Bad weather often complicated things, as he knew it was about to. The air was heavy and thick with water and that tension that came before a storm. That much he could smell and feel in his very bones. What he could hear was that traffic was busier than usual--people that were rushing to get home from work or school or somewhere, or going somewhere, before the storm hit. Along with the increase in traffic noises was the decrease in natural sound. Sounds like the cawing of ravens and the purrs of pigeons dying down to silence as the city's few animals took cover and fell silent in anticipation. What he could see through his black-and-white canine vision was the clouds overhead darkening and thickening, moving rapidly across the sky. He also saw what wasn't there--he didn't see people, meaning they were going inside, along with any other life on the streets- stray cats, stray dogs like himself, birds, squirrels, etc. He himself should be getting along and finding a place to sleep out of the rain. Warmth was too much to ask for--but decent cover was a requirement. Yes, this was his life. Admittedly, it was a bit more complicated than your average pet, but he was his own. He could take care of himself. The last thing he needed was some human or humans complicating things. Well, his life was also a bit more complicated than your average stray. Basically, all a stray had to worry about was find food, water, shelter. A day in his life was find food, water, decent shelter, and- Crash! Whhooooooo-oop-woop-woop-woop-woop-whoooooooooo-oop!!... the echoes of a car alarm loudly blaring its flat indignation at an unrighteous intruder suddenly blasted in his ears, though in truth it was a decent ways away--about a block's distance from where he was. The alsation-like canine (ref pic for alsation found at-copy&paste- dropped his head and gave a low whine of annoyance and resignation. Then, forgetting the sour water puddle behind him that had previously been inspected, the half-grown dog broke into a steady, rapid lope that possessed an almost easygoing quality, though he was far from at ease, and he seemed to be sailing lightly over the concrete of the city sidewalk. Only moments later, he was nearing the corner at the end of the sidewalk where the city street branched off into an intersection when a dark gold and cream blur came racing around the corner, heading in his direction. The stray sat where he was and waited until the blur reached him, then lurched for it and caught in firmly by the scruff, softening his mouth just enough that he didn't cause harm. The blur was suddenly a furiously squirming pup, very similar in colour to the older dog, except lighter. Growling his disapproval, the older dog roughly dragged the younger off the sidewalk and into a nearby alley. He pulled the now sulking pup behind a dumpster and released her, planting a paw on her back and forcing her down so she couldn't escape. Are you insane?! he snarled, glaring at his younger fellow stray. She glared back up at him with all the impudence of foolish youth. Before responding, the pup dropped from her mouth the brown paper bag that had been tightly clutched in her teeth, the bottom darkening with grease and the top tearing from being jerked around in the sharp-toothed jaw as she ran. A most tantalizing, tempting aroma, or aromas, rose from it, and the older dog had struggle to keep his stern, reprimanding poise, rather than relenting to diving into the parcel to rip it open and devour the contents as his canine mind-set demanded him to. He hadn't had a decent, stomach-filling meal in weeks. No, she shot back in response with equal snarl. Just hungry enough to actually do something. And what's that supposed to mean? he demanded indignantly, rearing his head back. What do you think? she shot back. He lowered his head again to glare, face-to-face. They held at a standoff for a long moment, until he couldn't stand the ravenous claws ripping at his shrunken stomach any longer. Don't break into a car again...he told her, his voice tired. You're lucky you didn't get any glass in you. Then, turning from her and releasing her, he pawed the bag open and began to investigate the contents.
   

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  • Very good well thought out and a clear structure Grin
    - April 05 2010 10:22:35