The Crosstown Flood

Story written by Don Roble on Tuesday 17, February 2015

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Description
A story

Overall Rating: 75.5%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 75.5% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:72.5%
Imagery:85%
Spelling & Grammar:77.5%
Flow/Rhythm:67.5%
Vocabulary:75%
Matthew was driving across the flooded Crosstown Expressway when he became concerned for his truck. He wasn't concerned about stalling out since he had jacked the body up so high that the Great Flood wouldn't matter to him. He was concerned about the Bug that was floating aimlessly around. It was upside down like the bug in the toilet right before you flush it. Wasn't going to be any flushing this Bug. Should be a way with this being a new century and all. Maybe a giant pump to suck up all the water and the Bugs and pump them into the ocean. What's a few more gallons of water to an ocean? Heck, the sharks would eat the Bug. Problem. Solution. Ah, here comes the tow boat to try to snare the Bug. Matthew wondered what they were using for bait. Being South Carolina it was either grits or boiled peanuts. No Southerner can resist that. Well, shoot, they're trying to hook it with a cable. Dang, that's no fun. The cable guy tried a bunch of times to catch that rascal. He missed everytime. Finally, the Captain threw the cable guy overboard with a shout of, "Sink or swim!". The Coast Guard cutter came roaring onto the scene. Time for the locals to get out of the way and let a professional take over. The Coastie yelled for the Bug to heave to. The Bug kept right on floating around. The Coastie yelled again for the Bug to heave to. The Bug kept floating, unconcerned at pissing off the United States Coast Guard. Finally the Coastie fired a warning shot across the bow. Well, the hood actually. The Bug kept floating along. The S.W.A.T. helicopter whop-whooped into position. They sent a man down on a rope to attach to the Bug. They were then going to haul it in and charge the driver with aggravated disturbing the peace. It was going well until the Swat guy lost his grip on the rope and fell on top of the bug. The Coast Guard was still firing shots at the Bug, scaring the Swat guy and the cable guy, who had swum to the Bug for safety. They kept missing. The S.W.A.T. commander, seeing this, ordered his team to open fire on the Coast Guard. Have to protect his men although the cable guy was on his own. Well, talk about pissing off the United States Coast Guard. They don't like being shot at. They started returning fire. The S.W.A.T guy started shooting the Bug. The cable guy, seeing the holes opening up and the Bug starting to sink, whacked the S.W.A.T guy with a wrench. Matthew, watching all this from his perch, was being entertained royally. He didn't notice the other Bug. The one that rear-ended him. The one with no insurance. The one that Matthew got out of his truck to confront. Out of his truck and into the flooded road. The flooded road that Matthew couldn't swim in because he couldn't swim.
   

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Comments

    I...don't know what to say. That was hilarious and had me saying "what the hell," the whole way down the page. Well done.
    LOL. As I've been in a few floods before. (the flood of 1993, St. Louis Mo and surrounding river valley) I have seen scenes somewhat like this. Not the coast guard of SWAT teams mind you but many cars floating along. Some not floating. Good one as usual Big Don.
    lol Don't mess with bugs!
    Nice twist in the end.
    The story was strong in content but weak in tempo. Excessive use of periods made the story elements stammer at points where it was unnecessary, giving it a short sharp rhythm in the non-action sequences present between 'movements'.

    The only other item of concern in this text is the description: "A story" - Woefully inadequate.