Glassweaver

Sci-Fi Story written by Troubled Flux on Sunday 15, October %23

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Takes place in distant future.Things are mostly the same as they are nowadays-meaning society/people/etc,except for technology,which,predictably,has advanced.But there're some not-so-normal differences people don't know about.See inside for better sum

Overall Rating: 79.4%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 79.4% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:73.5%
Imagery:74%
Spelling & Grammar:85%
Flow/Rhythm:87.5%
Vocabulary:77%
Takes place in distant future.Things are mostly the same as they are nowadays-meaning society/people/etc,except for technology,which,predictably,has advanced.But there're some not-so-normal differences people don't know about. And when I say people, I mean just about everyone-the government people, mostly, the average everyday people-like Rachel and her best friend, Rainy-and, you know, just everyone in general. In fact, the only who people who do know about these not-so-normal differences ARE the not-so-normal differences. Like this glass-blower's apprentice Rachel meets... Imagine what's below is in italics. Would you do that for me? The young boy ran as fast as he could, panting and gasping for air, constantly stumbling and nearly falling, but he regained his balance every time and kept running. He rounded a corner into a long alley and dashed down it. Behind him, glass windows on the sides of buildings, car windows, fragments of glass, anything and everything glass, exploded with such ferocity, it sounded as if there was a gun being shot again and again. The trail of explosions was rapidly catching up on him, and the eight-year old was desperate to escape. He dove behind one of the dumpsters in the alley as a nearby beer bottle exploded, struggled to his feet, and kept running. Directly overhead, a window shattered with strange sort of popping crash-like sound. He yelped, ducking and trying to shield his head with his arms as the glass shards rained down on him. His breath was sharp, painful, and ragged in his throat, his side complained of a stitch, his muscles burned from exhaustion, but his fear entirely filled his small body, and it was enough to keep him going. He rounded yet another corner into another alley; it was fenced off. But he ran on, clambering up the chain-link fence, oblivious to the sharp, rusted metal slicing his hands and bare feet open, unaware of his own blood trickling from his hands and feet, ignorant of the large cut he acquired as he scrambled over the top of the fence and gashed his right leg against a jagged stray wire that stuck up. Now there were windows shattering directly overhead of the boy, and the shards peppered his scruffy, unkempt black hair. He shut his coal-black eyes tightly and kept running. Now the danger was not just overhead, but all around him as well as countless fragments of already broken glass, abandoned bottles, and any and every kind of cast-off glass objects or remains of such erupted all round him. He dove for a sheet of tarp in the corner of the alley and huddled underneath it as much as he could, whimpering and trying to stop the tears of terror streaming from his black eyes, bright and pale with fear. His body trembled from fear and exhaustion, and weakness as well as he bled profusely from deep cuts his hands, bare feet, leg, and numerous other wounds on his body he acquired when this disaster began. "Stop," he whimpered, his body shaking from the force of his sobs. "Please, st-stop...I-I d-didn't m-mean to...I didn't mean i-it...I didn't want to h-hurt anyb-body...p-please stop...s-s-sstop..." He shivered there long after the explosions outside the tarp trailed off into heavy, oppressive silence, his body rapidly cooling in the chilled night air. He curled himself up as tight as he could, silent except for small sounds of distress and terror that escaped him when an escpecially violent tremble passed through his body. His baggy black T-shirt was thin and ragged from wear, and the day's ordeal had left it torn in many places. His bare feet were fast becoming numb, and the baggy tan cargo pants failed to prevent his legs from feeling like they were buried in snow. He knew that other people, normal people, didn't even know the temperature dropped close to freezing at night outside. They were inside, safe and warm. They were home. With their families. Where was he? Somewhere on Fifth Street, several dozen blocks from one of the city squares where the whole thing had begun. Who was his family? He couldn't remember having a family. Who was he? He didn't have time to think up a name for himself. The day was spent foraging for food and the night searching for warm shelter. What was he? He had no answer or excuse for that one, except one word that any who even suspected what he could do referred to him as: Freak. xxx Okay, you can stop imagining it's in italics now. Seriously. It's okay. You really can stop. Honest. Like, right now. Okay. I'm shutting up now. "Rachel, you need to get out and do something," the sixteen year old's friend insisted, poking her friend in the head. The redhead scowled, her glasses rising slightly as her nose scrunched up. "No pokey," she snapped, glaring accusingly at the glowing computer screen. "And I am doing something. Now scoo. I busy." The other girl rolled her eyes and poked her friend in the head again. "Scoo? What the heck is scoo?" "Shortened version of scoot. Now kindly do so and leave me to skulk in peace." "You've been skulking for about a week. Isn't that enough?" "Nope." She minimized the window and double-clicked on the Internet icon. Moments later, it appeared on fullscreen. Raiana, Rainy for short, sighed and plopped down heavily on the armrest of the easy chair next to Rachel's computer desk. She leaned forward, her ochre eyes narrowing, and studied her friend for a long moment. Rachel rapidly typed in the Internet address she wanted and tapped the Enter key. For half a second, the screen was blank, then the homepage of an Authors Anonymous website flooded the Internet window. There were several of these sites, and she was part of about six. Rachel wanted to get critique for her works from as many people as possible. "Okay," Rainy suddenly blurted, bouncing forward and grabbing her friend by her arm below the shoulder and gave her a playful shake. "Deal: I find something, at least one thing, in this whole stupid city you're interested in, and then you have to go do it. Okay?" Rachel blinked and looked over at her. "What?" Rainy sighed heavily, dropping her head in mock despair onto her friend's shoulder. "Did you hear a word I just said?" "You said something?" "Argh! Yes!" Rainy then repeated her offer, and added, "And I promise that if I can't find it anywhere, I'll leave you alone, for like, the rest of forever. Okay?" Rachel sat back in the comfy computer chair, her blue eyes narrowing as she regarded the computer screen with hard judgement, weighing her friend's words. On one hand, she could refuse and Rainy would go on bugging her. On the other, she could give in and Rainy would either lose and leave her alone, or Rainy would win and she'd be drafted into doing something-that she liked. Okay, so if she gave, she couldn't lose. "All right. Fine." "Excellent." Rainy leaned in incredibly close to her friend's face, something they did sometimes when they wanted to know something they knew the other was really dying to tell even when they refused. "Now. Tell me one thing. At least one." Again, Rachel sat back in her chair, regarding her computer in the same way as before. Finally, after a long moment, a corner of her mouth quirked up. "Anything at all?" "Yup." "Glass-blowing." Rainy's jaw dropped and she stared at Rachel, who was struggling to maintain a straight face. "Glass-blowing?! What the heck?! But that's like, nonexistant nowadays! No fair!" Rachel shrugged, crossing her arms smugly. "That's my interest. Deal with it." Rainy scowled darkly at her friend and stood up to glare down at her. "Fine. I. Will." She turned on her heel and stalked from the room. xxx Chapter 2 Rachel was instantly wary when she and her friend sat down to dinner that night and Rainy wore a suspiciously triumphant expression. Rainy and Rachel lived together in Rainy's house on Fifth Street of Roko Towa, one of the largest cities of the year 2069, because their parents were both currently on business trips together, and would be gone most of the year. They'd trusted the girls to act responsibly, and threatened them against acting otherwise on pain of death, or worse. It was the "or worse" part that kept them in line. Then again, Rainy and Rachel were surprisingl mature for their age, even though they didn't seem to be until you got to know them well enough that they trusted you with their deep, philosophcial thoughts on life, etc. Rachel might have choked on her spoonful of rice if she hadn't been expecting something similar to what Rainy suddenly blurted out. "Found someone." No, Rachel didn't choke. Merely gagged slightly. "What the heck?! But it's like, nonexistant nowadays! How the heck did you find someone?" she exclaimed, her voice squeaking slightly as she stared at her friend in shock. Rainy grinned broadly, sufficiently satisfied with her friend's reaction. "Easy. There was only one place here, so when I typed it into the Internet, it was like, instant. There are demonstrations from 8:30 am to ten in the morning, one to three in the afternoon, and seven thirty to nine in the evening. And there's a shop on the side where they sell all their stuff. The pic on the web is like, a billion years old, but a lot of the stuff looked like, totally awesome. I might come with you tomorrow." Rachel's jaw dropped. "Tomorrow?" she exclaimed. "Come on! I had something I really wanted to do!" Rainy shrugged, shoveling rice into her mouth and then talking around it. "Wmf," she said, which meant "well", "Fo juft hv fmoo mmk fif fut mf fnt ta doov." Which translates into "You'll just have to make this something you want to do." Rachel moaned and slouched down, glaring at her friend murderously. "Darn you," she muttered darkly while Rainy continued shoveling rice into her mouth and grinning malevolently. xxx Rachel slouched in the front passenger seat, scowling and glaring out at the miles of traffic before them. They were at a complete standstill, and had been for about twenty minutes. "We're gonna die here," she suddenly said matter-of-factly. "And two thousand years from now, they'll dig up the bones of two teenage girls in a car that died of boredom in traffic or killed themselves because they were going stir-crazy." She looked over at her friend. "Wouldn't you agree?" But Rainy didn't say anything. She was busy. Going insane. Her leg rapidly jiggled up and down, her left eye was twitching, and she was gnawing furiously on the fingernails of her right hand. The fingers of her left tapped furiously against the steering wheel. They had already been bitten to the nailbuds. Because they had "connections", the girls' parents had gotten them their driver's licenses early, skipping the driver's permit, or at least, they hadn't had to have it as long as usual. After making absolutely certain, of course, that the girls were responsible enough to handle it. They were, although sometimes, like in traffic, or if they were excited, they would get a little crazy. Because of those reasons, their parents never let them drive when there were more people than just them in the car. "Rainy," Rachel repeated, staring at her friend. "Rainy!" No reaction. "Rainy, the car's on fire." Nothing. "Rainy! Mark just told me yesterday that he wants to profess his love to you!" Rainy didn't say anything, but continued her actions, her eyes rapidly darting back and forth as she studied the road before her. Then again, her eyes had a sort of glaze to them, so perhaps she was seeing something else. Sighing and unbuckling her seatbelt so she could reach, Rachel leaned over to Rainy and yelled in her best friend's ear. "THE TV MORDLES ARE COMING!!!!!!!! OMG RUN RAINY RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!" Rainy yelped and jolted in alarm, jerking away and glaring at Rachel. "Okay, okay, I'm fine!" she snapped, glaring at her. The next moment, she stared. "Seriously? Mark wants to go steady?" Rachel sighed heavily and slumped back in her seat, rebuckling herself in. "No. But it just goes to show how out of it you can get. Now drive. The light just turned green." Grumbling dark curses of promised doom and mutilation pertaining to her friend in the car beside her, Rainy planted her foot on the gas pedal. xxx
   

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  • how com eno 1 saw this writing?!!!Cool....it's great!
    - June 07 2009 07:59:57