Ice Cream Pondherrings.

Prose written by Rob Kosy on Sunday 3, April 2011

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Description
I'll bet you didn't know ice cream could be so sexy?

Overall Rating: 92.6%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 92.6% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:94.333333333333%
Imagery:94%
Spelling & Grammar:90.666666666667%
Flow/Rhythm:92.666666666667%
Vocabulary:91.333333333333%
Further into the article, Miss Jones confides, "It really annoys me when people say I'm fat." At last, something I can relate to. There's nothing worse than having your denial barrier breached by these toned, Brad Pit doppelgangers is there? Wait until they're my age. "Listen!" I tell them, "I'm pushing 40, I'm a father and husband and I drive a car that can't do 70mph.........I'm supposed to be fat!" They all laugh, of course, their arms hanging nonchalantly from the open windows of their Vauxhall Corsas, "Why can't your car do 70mph?" they giggle. "Because I'm FAT, you moronic twats!" Though, in comparison to the delectable Miss Jones, I would imagine that my fatness-to-derogatory-comment ratio is pretty......well, slim. The fact that I'm not half naked and coming in my pants with a spoon in my mouth probably helps. Or because I don't stand with one hand on my podgy hip while its sticky, ice cream-covered counterpart shoots out and snatches £10 from the sweaty fingers of a prospective punter. And lets not forget, Gabi puts herself in a far larger viewing gallery than I. My nakedness is displayed in the comparative corner shop window of the changing rooms at the public baths or the communal showers at my local sports centre. Compared to the metaphorical Times Square in which Gabi trades her wares, it's little wonder she generates the odd disparaging remark. But come on, Jonesy; you're well paid for it, luv.
* * * *
And there it is, constant sufferer, my herring appears to have reached its zenith. He's babbling emotionally about his wife now, asking if I'll make sure she's alright after he's.......y'know. Maybe if he'd beaten my own little lady to my credit card I might have considered his dying request. But, alas, he did not and as a result yet another pair of my own footwear is forced from the shoe cabinet. Under the spurious belief that I will indeed provide for his spouse, my herring would like to round off with a few concluding remarks from the article that spawned him; these uttered by Gabi Jones herself. "I don't drink, I don't smoke, I've never done drugs. I am fat, fit and healthy. I won't stop what I do until the world recognises that fat is fabulous." Fat chance, Gabi!
   

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Comments

    Very funny stuff Mr. Kosy.

    I am ashamed to admit that I could not stave off the urge to take a gander at the sugary goddess that is gaininggabi.

    I took the free tour and allowed my eyes to feast upon all of her visual deliciousness. It took four of my burliest friends to hold me down, not allowing me access to my bank card, in effect saving me from myself.

    A quick word of warning for those brave enough to embark upon the free tour; there is a pic of the fair maiden draped in a see-through fabric of some sort, and if you have the stomach to examine it closely, it would appear that her ass has relocated to the front of her body.

    SEXY STUFF!!!
    Exceptional.

    I too had to go and take a quick ganders; just to assure myself that this paragon of excess actually existed - but I ran, gibbering, fron the mainpage.

    Excellently done, mister Kosy - you continue to inspire me.
    Thanks you very much chaps.

    Am I the only one who hasn't visited Gabi's shop window of excess?

    If only I had the combination to 'her indoors'' purse so I could reclaim my credit card........
    Well, I may visit the website, being an ice cream lover myself.

    However, it does not have that effect on me. It is just, as our new-age people over here across the pond say, 'comfort food.'

    Peace!

    Bob