The rant of a drunk first time amateur writer-comments welcome

Critical Review written by Camarostylin on Wednesday 23, March 2011

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How we've become...

Overall Rating: 88.7%

This writing has been rated by 4 members, resulting in a rating of 88.7% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:88.25%
Imagery:88.25%
Spelling & Grammar:86.75%
Flow/Rhythm:90.25%
Vocabulary:90%
Who wrote "The Book?" Can anyone really answer that? To be clear, I don't mean "The Book" as in the Bible, the Koran or any other religious knowledge base printed on gold-edged paper and seemingly developed with a scent of age beyond it's years to introduce the experience of beliefs being passed on through "credible" stories for centuries. I mean who wrote the book on how things are supposed to be? Who decided what's normal. Is it the corporate life that we all joke about, or the Starbucks cliche that we pretend not to indulge in? At what point do you not fit in the "norm?" In a society where we preach individuality and self expression, we still have a contradictory streak of oppression and fear of other cultures that we don't understand. The idea of world peace is one that most of us can enjoy, and it seems nothing short of painful to experience a global phenomenon where the hate of the few can outweigh the harmony of the many. And who are we to decide? To judge the worth of someone else, especially those in need. I feel that in such a hazed, loss of perspective in each of our own realities that we have become disconnected from each other. We no longer have neighbors. There are no friendly greetings from strangers. We love those close to us but lose sight of the community. We've become an ungrateful species that values status and wealth over the experience of learning about new people and exposing ourselves to new things. I say brave the unknown! Find the places you never thought you'd see! Remember the smiles along the way-they'll be what you appreciate the most once you're gone. Take the best from everything. It's not all going to be great but looking back, it can be wonderful. Consider yourself lucky if you have someone to share these experiences with. Don't regret a thing -Noah H.
   

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Comments

    Well; drunk or not - it's not bad, not bad at all.

    The piece could do with a minor clean-up, regarding punctuation, but, the sentiment is clear and well presented.

    Welcome to the Den, Camarostylin
    You could break the first paragraph into two. A bit jumpy on the subjects, try to stay with one theme for better clarity.
    Welcome to the Den, hope to see more of your writings soon.
    Oh, the things we find on our desktops the next morning :-)
    Perhaps spiced rum has finally contributed something of value via the mind of a bewildered man trying to make sense of it all while racing to be heard before the oncoming sunlight forces the shameful realization of another "all nighter."
    And I agree, could be broken up and gone through with a comb before the final print ;-)
    Thanks for the encouragement, and the welcome!
    I fully agree with the guys above, Camarostylin.

    Welcome to the Den. Smile
    I won't touch the errors; everyone else did.

    Pretty good writing for a drunk guy. Smile
    Hey there, nice drunken rant.

    Seriously, nicely written (comments on the technical stuff from the wise ones aside).

    I would class myself as a 'tipsy typer', so I can appreciate this.

    Good stuff.
    Thanks, Kerri, KT and Rob.
    It's been a while since my post. I guess I haven't really been in the proper, or rather improper, state of mind to allow me to conjure up and spew out such detailed observations and personal opinions in quite some time. The time of night is correct, and the self loathing is deep, but I have yet to watch my favorite TV show that puts me in such a state to record my thoughts and share them without the fear of rejection or extreme criticism. When the time comes, I assure you you'll all be the first to know :-)
    I appreciate the support! Without it I wouldn't consider posting again.

    Rob-I'll be sure to look through your posts when I've got a little more free time. I'd be interested to see the comparison. I've NEVER claimed to be a professional writer (I don't even read recreationally-ever), or flawless in my punctuation and grammar, so the criticism is viewed as nothing but productive. As long as the point is crossed and the reader's mind is left with a curious aftertaste that results in personal reflection and potential action, then my work is done.