The Novelist - Chapter 02

Story written by common on Monday 21, February 2011

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Description
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Overall Rating: 89.4%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 89.4% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:90.333333333333%
Imagery:91.333333333333%
Spelling & Grammar:87.666666666667%
Flow/Rhythm:88%
Vocabulary:89.666666666667%
CHAPTER TWO
I walk over to the far corner of the local cafe, placing my typewriter down on the old wooden table; shifting aside the single white flower that sit in a small vase, while setting myself down on the green padded chair. A young girl approaches the table soon after; she looks no older than twenty-three with natural blonde hair fixed in a ponytail, a tight white top, and black jeans with a knee length apron over them. She places the mug down on the table, filling it with hot black coffee. I take a deep breath, the aroma of coffee filling my nostrils. 'So, how's the new novel coming along?' the waitress asks with a slight nod of her head towards the blank piece of paper that sits reeled into the typewriter. Most of the staff knew me, a regular if you will. My apartment building was next door to the cafe, which allowed me to cart my typewriter down here and cosy up at my favourite corner table, sip at bitter coffee and attempt to write. I raise my eyes, quickly glancing at her name badge then meeting her gaze, her eyes a beautiful emerald green. Something a man could easily lose himself in if not careful. 'Well Emily, slow at the moment, as you can see' I reply with a small laugh. She laughs back before replying. 'You didn't forget my name now did you Mr. Blyte?' her tone seeming almost flirtatious. 'No, I...Uh... didn't forget...not at all' I stammer; an obvious lie. 'You glanced at my name badge; or where you looking at something else, Hm?' She says with a giggle. I feel my face turning red with embarrassment so I reach for the mug of coffee, tipping it back to take a sip - but to also hide a moment. As I place the mug back down on the table, Emily replenishes it before turning on a heel to walk away. 'Emily,' I quickly call out to her. She looks over her shoulder at me with a slight smile crossing her lips. 'The names Macklin by the way'.
***
I glance at my wrist watch, it's now One P.M; the page in front of me is still blank. I catch Emily in the corner of my eye leaning over a table refilling the coffee mugs with a fresh brew for a group of business types. I let my eyes linger a moment, taking in the view of her slender body and shapely behind. She straightens up and swings around in a swift motion and catches my gaze with a smile. I quickly look away, picking up my mug and downing the remainder of the content which is now ice cold. She now stands beside the table offering a re-fill which I decline with a smile. 'Still not a word written,' Emily says while sitting down opposite me, placing the coffee jug on the table before continuing 'So, did you see anything that might offer some inspiration?' I smile to myself before replying in an equally flirtatious manner, 'Well, maybe I did see something that was in some way inspiring'. Then place my fingertips on the typewriter keys, pressing them gently, a rhythmic drumming playing out as I mark the fresh white page with; CHAPTER ONE. 'A good day's work, if I do say so. So how about you let me take you to dinner Emily?' I ask, suddenly feeling somewhat energized. She studies me awhile before reaching into the front pouch of her apron to retrieve a pen and a small notebook. She writes down her phone number; pulling off the piece of paper and sliding it across the table before standing and walking away without a word.
   

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Comments

    This is very well written, but the chapters are rather short.

    After two chapters I should have an idea where the story is headed but I don't.

    You might want to give the reader a bit more to go on in each chapter.

    This is very well written though, with nice imagery. I'm looking forward to more.
    You need to get some punctuation cleaning.

    A good tale so far. You capture the mood nicely.
    Keep it going.

    It's good.