Warnings Unheeded

Poem written by flickeringfairy on Sunday 20, February 2011

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Description
Choppy verse

Overall Rating: 91.3%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 91.3% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:95%
Imagery:90%
Spelling & Grammar:92.5%
Flow/Rhythm:91.5%
Vocabulary:87.5%
It was there, For all to see. There on the screen in front of thee. The warnings About the shell, About the insides, About them running out. I'm strong, This you know. But it won't take long With the right knife, The right tool, The right fool. The cancer she's back. She makes you sick. In time you'll see. And if not, Then I'll let it be. For who am I To bind and tie. I will not force Nor will I coerce. I spoke to you. I tried to. It didn't work I've cut the strings, moving on to new things.
   

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Comments

    Lost points on Vocabulary in last two lines. Too cliche. Otherwise very good. Scary.
    Really different.
    Liked this but I have to agree; the last two lines need work. Other than that, the rhythm was very good.
    Not sure if these new last two are an improvement or not. I'm not sold on them, but you tell me.