IO

Fantasy written by Nexeus on Tuesday 8, February 2011

Member Avatar
Description
A story about an alternate version of Jupiters moon IO (Background)

Overall Rating: 82%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 82% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:90%
Imagery:85%
Spelling & Grammar:70%
Flow/Rhythm:80%
Vocabulary:85%
==Part 1== Xerlus the tyrant god Long ago a system of two stars endlessly circling each other toward inevitable collision. And yet separated by the power of the gods. One such god known by many names. Sits high above in rule of this galactic cluster of stars and planets. Many name him "king of the gods" many call him tyrant or overlord. He dosnt mind of course for he knows it is less out of hate or despise but out of fear as it should be, in his opinion. And many of the other gods. They existing with control over elements, some of life or death, some of even the fabric of time and space. But none as powerful as he. None as feared as he. Worshipers, such lowly creatures. So easily broken. So easily lifeless fragile beings. Even if they must know the name of their deity to worship why should they use it. If they didnt need to know his name to burn offerings to it. To kill for it. To know who they serve, who they belong to. They would not have the slightest knowledge. Yet still even if they do his bidding some of the must be punished for using it flippantly. Or maybe ..just for fun. Xerlus king of the gods rules with little mercy, Little care for his followers. Only enough to keep followers. After all they are worth little more than an ant farm, A pet, live stock. Yet still a creation of the gods themselves. Many different versions. Many created mostly in the image of the god who created them with some variations. As many other creations made by the gods they can be beautiful. Even with a beauty to stand on level with the radiance of a godlike being. If they let them live long enough. Often bringing the envy of a god meant bringing also your death with it. One such woman had grown with such beauty even to surpass some of them. If any of the other gods had seen her he did not know. But Xerlus most definately had noticed her. Beautiful, Radiant, A face like a goddess. But he could never make her so. She was not a demigod. And it was an abomination. Giving divine power to a mortal merely for beauty or at the fancy of a god. Demigods of proven worthy can obtain the status of god or goddess. And rarely mortals. For a mortal to obtain such power or status. They have to through their own power and influence accomplish an immortal feat. And even then there is disputation among the gods. This rule of course,this law, was set in place by Xerlus himself. No doubt still supported by the gods in their extreme vanity. Xerlus being most powerful of all could change this maybe. But it would cause an uprising a revolt. Many of the gods punished for eons for giving such power to a mortal. Sure he could kill most of them. But maybe not all of them. Not all at once. As Xerlus watched the woman grow and become more beautiful each day. He coveted her. He wanted her more than any other being. Often he would take the form of a mortal and blend with the others as painful as it was to his pride. And watch her. Struggling within himself to leave her. Fighting with thoughts of interacting with her. Of seducing her. Yet he knew this was not unheard of. Gods taking mortal form and playing with them. Enforcing their will upon them, Charming them, but could he stop? Could he leave her as he did the many others to mourn the loss of the "love" they had cherished for one day or if they were lucky and the gods were bored or liked them. Maybe a week or two. But often a jealous god or goddess would soon end them. As many as he had charmed and entranced in his radiance. He wondered if this is how he made them feel. If he was in fact charmed by this mortal. Xerlus could not resist her any longer. He had decided he was going to have her. He was a god after all. And not just any the king of the gods. He could have whatever, or whoever, He wanted. And he was going to. But not forever he would not make her immortal. Even if he could his vanity and pride of him being a god and such a lowly creature could even poses such beauty almost sickened him. Yet he fell to it. At least allowed himself to fall to it. He took mortal form. As he had in the past. Making himself more attractive then that of any living mortal. Yet he could suppress it and he did. Not everyone would notice. Just her. And she did. He met her in one of her errands. And worked power on her. Charming her. Swaying her mind. Even if his radiance didnt capture her. She would take him. The woman was not just beautiful. But pure of heart. She loved people and would give anything to help someone in need. She would give all but necessity and sometimes even that if someone else was of need. He knew this of course and used it against her. As even the very nature of her wonderful virtue sometimes sickened him. That one person could love and care for so many it was noble, it was unmatched. Yet another trait this mortal should not posses such a capacity for. For weeks he stayed with her, even months, he was nearly addicted. And had to stop. He knew he had already been in mortal form for too long. Gods may notice this. May be jealous. Even though he is nearly without mercy. No one would touch his little caged dove. He had no worry of any mortal for she was so fair that no man touched her. They feared her and many said she was even a goddess in mortal form. Trying to trick them, trying to snare them. But his worry was the gods. He had to leave before too many of them took notice of his absence. Upon his departing in the night when she slept. He gave decided to leave her with a parting gift. He had struck her dumb. After all he had show her too much of himself. He knew she began to suspect he was more than mortal. No longer will words come to her beckon. No longer will she be able to convey her thoughts and feelings with vocal cords. For the rest of her days she would remain in silence. And when despair had left her and she finally would continue human interaction. She would know why she has no speach. Why she cannot muster a coherent sound. She was not to tell. When Xerlus returned to his throne an unexpected visit. Everus god of combat and strategy. A mind almost matching his own. Brilliant beyond measure. Except for his own of course. "ohho! my king! You have returned. We were beginning to worry. That maybe someone else had attempted to usurp the throne". " What are you playing at everus? Do not waste my time brother!". " oh of course not my king. We were simply beginning to worry that maybe we would have to...appoint someone to take your place. Perhaps you were just stuck in 'play time' a bit too long? No matter we have our king back". No doubt if anyone knew it was Everus. His smug words stung as the hint of his threat to occupy the throne he so coveted. Of course he would deny it but every denial just confirmed his place in the shadow of his brother. With a knife to his back ready at any moment any sign any slight opening to steal his place as if it had been given to him. "Brother I have no time for your games. As you said I have returned now leave me before I get angry!"."Hahaha always on guard my dear brother. You dissmiss me as if I threaten you. As I said we began to worry. I am simply here to welcome you back to your place on the throne. Next time maybe you'll take care to watch your play time mm. Getting so lost in time you must have some toy. Mind sharing with your dearest brother?" " I will kill you brother"." ohho! arent we feisty! Only a joke. I take my leave of you king"." And none too soon". By that Xerlus knew he had to withdraw. This mortal who drew his infatuation must be ignored. Killing a god was easy enough to make up some reason or another for it. But Everus was a different breed. He would make it known he would somehow turn things against him. Xerlus would not give him that moment. So for now he will turn himself away. And wait for his brothers gaze to bore. But in all his careful tactics. In all his planning Xerlus missed one simple fact. His dove safely within its cage. But within the now silent woman was a growing life. Just a glimmer but there it was within this little toy of his. Lies the beginning of a life that he has now turned from.
   

Post Comment

Please Login to Post a Comment.

Comments

    This is far too difficult to read - as it stands.

    A lack of cohesive punctuation makes this work awkward to read on a computer.

    Please punctuate and split this, and I'll gladly read and rate this.

    If you feel that you'd like some help with this, PM me, and I'll gladly see what we can do. Smile
    Long ago in a system of two stars endlessly circling each other toward inevitable collision. - I suspect that English is not your first language; the opening sentence is incomplete. You have an awful lot of these errors. I think you wrote this much too quickly. I would take Verm up on his offer, were I in your position.

    That said, the plot is good, and has potential. It just needs work. I will assume English is not your first language and be very generous with my rating.