Another look at a current news-worthy item, inspired by a moribund fish.
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Throughout this little rant, my herring has diligently attempted to defend both Mr Grey and Mr Keys; and though it has uncovered mitigating circumstances on behalf of the latter, there seems to be no defence for the Scottish former footballer and pundit.
That is until we analyse Miss Massey herself.
Did you know, for example, that if you were to rearrange the letters in her name they would form the statement, 'My ass is an E.' ?
Well, ladies and gentlemen, we all know the effects of that dangerous little pill, don't we? Perhaps Mr Grey's bluster was a careful, though cryptic, warning to the masses about the dangers of drugs, specifically ecstasy? Maybe Andy is not as sexist as we all thought and that he was, in-fact, attempting to warn us of Miss Massey's unconscious patronage of this lethal social scourge.
However, should that not be the case and the declaration is merely intended to point out that Sian's rear is a delight to behold, then I feel I must remark at the statement's arrogance. Yes she is undoubtedly a fit bird, but the sight of her rear does not engender rapture or ecstasy. It does not draw my finger to the rewind button every time she flies down the line in those tight little shorts. I do not quiver at the tautness of her honed physique. It does not inspire covetous thoughts or feelings of...............or perhaps we should just leave the letters where they were?
Well, patient sufferer, that appears to be it. The fish has fallen silent, drifting into the darkest reaches of my mind's polluted waters. All that remains is to pull the question mark, yank the gurgle box into life and conclude this little pondherring. (and spray that air freshener, quick).
Throughout, I have searched diligently for a moral in this unfortunate tale, something from which Messrs Gray and Keys might learn or improve.
Alas there is nought.
Though I would offer some good, though belated, advice.
Big Brother is always watching, boys.