The Stone Sentinel

Sonnet written by AP_Gregory on Thursday 3, February %22

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Description
A sonnet about a returning soldier

Overall Rating: 90%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 90% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:90%
Imagery:90%
Spelling & Grammar:90%
Flow/Rhythm:90%
Vocabulary:90%
Author's Note: I use the term "sonnet" lightly because I had some trouble getting the syllable stresses right. So if I were you I would read this as a free verse. As he sits below the stone sentinel, A pale proxy for men lost eons past, Where tears of friends do solemnly dwell, He thinks on graves left behind, candles cast It seemed so simple all of those years past, As they paraded through streets like heroes. But it took not long for grief to amass Along with the circles of clawing crows Out on fear's front he fought full iron clad, Every day he fought and did not roam, Trying to save the things he still had; His life, dignity and the dream of home Yet now he sits by the stone sentinel, Thinking of graves and the ghosts he can't quell
   

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4 comments

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  • Very melancholy. Nicely done.
    - February 04 2011 01:44:49
    • I really enjoyed this. It has all the makings of a great sonnet.

      I recommend the following changes to correct the sonnet syllable stresses:

      First Verse:

      As he sits below the stone sentinel,
      A pale proxy for men lost eons past,
      Where tears of friends do solemnly settle,
      He thinks on graves left behind, candles cast.

      Third Verse:

      Hmmm.. stuck on this for the moment but I'll give it more thought. for the moment I can give you this alternative first line to work with. I just haven't figured out the third line yet.

      "Out on fear's front he fought iron suited"
      - February 04 2011 04:32:39
      • It's so tragic. I really liked it. Well done.
        - February 04 2011 07:29:23
        • Thank you everyone for your comments.

          @Routh: Thank You and I think you're right. It does need some work. I'll make the changes to the first verse. Smile
          - February 04 2011 12:23:24