Spirit Guide - 8

Fantasy written by Vermithrax on Sunday 2, January 2010

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Overall Rating: 94.6%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 94.6% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Spelling & Grammar:92.5%
CHAPTER EIGHT Jenna jumped at Roger's offer of showing her the village; especially when he sweetened the offer with the promise of something warming in the village local, once they'd had a look around. 'I'll introduce you as my new girlfriend,' he leaned towards her, and twirled an imaginary moustache, a roguish leer playing across his lips. 'I think you'll be worth oh, at least a week's worth of gossip, on the village grapevine.' Jenna giggled helplessly. 'Is he always like this?' She asked Helen. 'Only until he gets to know you better.' Helen gave the big man's arm an affectionate hug. 'Then he's usually much worse.' 'Ow!' Bennet scowled, 'you wound me to the quick, vile woman, with your wicked tongue. Come, my dear,' He lifted Jenna's coat from the nearby rack, and held it open for her to slip her arms into. 'We will depart this place, and seek the sanctuary of the village, and the local hostelry. By the way,' he added, 'do you read much? We have a bookshop in the village, that really is worth a visit. The owner's a sort of friend of mine; he's more than a tad strange, but a decent enough chap, when you get to know him.' 'I can hardly wait.' Jenna wore a slightly bemused expression. She allowed Roger, still talking, to hustle her out of the door, and towards his Range Rover, that waited outside in the courtyard. 'Poor girl.' Lukas shook his head, as he watched the large black car roll easily over the uneven cobbles towards the road. 'Think she'll ever forgive us?' 'She'll be fine.' Helen assured him. 'Give Roger an hour or so, and she'll be putty in his hands. I know I was,' she whispered softly to MacKenzie, who smothered a giggle behind a hand. Lukas pretended not to hear. 'So, how long do we have?' 'As long as we need, within reason.' Helen told him. 'I said I'd give Roger's mobile a call, when we're done. He's got it set on vibrate, so Jenna won't know.' 'Okay.' Lukas turned away from the window. 'Let's see if Mentor wants to talk to us, shall we?'

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    I never know what to say anymore. Excellent. You set a high standard and meet it as always. Damn, I wish I could write stories this well.
    Great dialog in page 3.
    I enjoyed this. I want to go back and read the beginning please keep it coming.
    Dialogue is excellent, grammar and story structure is nearly flawless. You should be very pleased with this.

    I think the only thing that strikes me immediately about this story is this; it's a tiny bit lackluster. I feel when I'm reading it I need a little more oomph or risk or something.

    However I hope you see what I mean and are not offended in any manner?
    Not at all, Kerri. Just building up, while I decide which way to take these guys. Smile