Spirit Guide - 3

Fantasy written by Vermithrax on Sunday 7, November 2010

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MacKenzie

Overall Rating: 93.4%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 93.4% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:92%
Imagery:94.333333333333%
Spelling & Grammar:91.333333333333%
Flow/Rhythm:94.333333333333%
Vocabulary:95%
The three spent the next ten minutes in an amiable silence, broken by an occasional comment on the minutae of the quality of the food, and eating in the city. MacKenzie had relocated her business to Manchester from London, some months previously, in order to be closer to Lukas, and to Helen, who lived with her boyfriend in Garstang, some fifty miles to the north. Although currently renting an apartment in the city, MacKenzie and Lukas were negotiating the final details on a cottage in the same town, less than two miles from the house Helen owned. Lukas himself, had sold his London apartment for a decent profit, and was renting a flat on the outskirts of the city, within commuting distance of the television studios, while he waited for the sale of the cottage to go through. More than once, he'd considered suggesting to MacKenzie that she moved in with him, and save the cost of renting two places. But, he suspected that MacKenzie wasn't quite ready yet, to commit to that final, irrevocable move. Fiercely independent since running away from a succession of foster parents as a child, MacKenzie was proud; proud of her self reliant upbringing and education, and proud of what she had, thus far, made of her life. Once an almost terrifyingly ruthless figure in Lukas' eyes, MacKenzie had mellowed to a degree that would have been unthinkable to him, during the events of the Ashton Massacre, when they had first learned their true heritage. Now, she allowed him to see the warm-hearted, passionate woman that existed beneath the shell she had erected for the ruthless business world she existed in to see. But, he suspected, it was going to be a while yet, before she would commit fully, to the blossoming relationship they had begun so tentatively, and longer still, before she moved into the cottage, and a full acceptance of what Lukas had already embraced. But, he could wait. Lukas was content to accept whatever MacKenzie was willing to offer, and allow her whatever leeway she required. 'All good things come; to those who wait.' Lukas smiled inwardly at the ages-old adage. True words, he thought, and none better. MacKenzie would come around, given a little time and they would be all the better together for it. If, that is, he told himself, glancing at Jenna, they weathered whatever crisis seemed to be looming on their horizon. It was probably time he alerted his sister. 'Helen?' Lukas sent his mental summons outwards, towards his twin. 'You have a moment?' 'Always, for you, little brother.' As always, Lukas was amazed at the speed of the response, considering the distance between them. 'What's the problem? Is MacKenzie bullying you again?' There was a fond warmth in Helen's thoughts, that never failed to cheer Lukas. Helen was an Empath, the third part of the Nexus, and the counter to Lukas' control of the group mind and power. Helen was compassion, to Lukas' rage; to temper him, and hopefully, prevent him from destroying the fabric of the Cosmos. Helen had sacrificed much, in her younger years, shielding Lukas for most of his life. She had willingly taken on the role of parent, when their own had passed away, protecting his developing psyche from any harsh realities that might have damaged him irreparably. 'Wish it was that simple, sis.' Lukas passed along the details of the story Jenna had told them. 'I take it, Mackenzie's there with you, at the moment.' 'Yeah;' Lukas remembered not to nod, just in time. 'How'd you know?' 'I can always tell, when she's close to you, little brother. I've known you, and your thoughts, for a long time. Say hi for me; I'm missing her - you too, of course.' 'I will. She's busy at the moment, otherwise I'd pull her in. I think you'll be seeing us; sooner, rather than later.' 'That would be nice. I'll let Roger know; he loves to cook; we'll make an evening of it.' 'I'll bring the beer and wine.' 'Of course. See you soon, little brother. Have to go; work calls.' 'Soon, Helen.' Lukas promised, as he severed the connection. He noticed MacKenzie studying him covertly, and mouthed the word, 'Helen.' at her. MacKenzie nodded her understanding.
   

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    'Don't you worry yourself over that, lassie.' MacKenzie patted her arm. - I can't speak for England, but, in America, lassie, used in this manner, would be upper case.

    He studied his soulmate; admiring the way the sunlight played catch with itself amongst the coppery tresses of her tied back hair. In many ways he thought, the two women were quite similar. - Superb imagery here. Nicely done.
    Very good imagery and pacing. We are really getting to know your characters well.

    kt- change lassie to honey and see if it should be uppercase.
    Thanks guys; lassie, is a scots colloquialism, meaning young, or bonnie girl.

    Lowercase is fine, as far as I'm aware
    However, scots should be uppercase.

    Cool
    Damn Don; ya gots me!

    Angry
    'lassie' is used in lower case in Canada as well Verm, so I'll second your belief.

    But now, just because I feel like ribbing KT, I must point out that (while I cannot speak for the US) in Canada and Mexico and pretty much every country but the US over here, 'America' refers to the entire land mass spanning from Ellesmere island in Canada to Aguila Islet in Chile... Wink

    It has always been a pet peeve that the US is so often referred to as America.
    We do it just to irritate you. We're an arrogant bunch. Want pissed off? We think of Canada as the 51st state.

    Smile
    Fantastic, Verm. Looking forward to the next installment.