Spirit Guide - 3

Fantasy written by Vermithrax on Sunday 7, November 2010

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MacKenzie

Overall Rating: 93.4%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 93.4% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:92%
Imagery:94.333333333333%
Spelling & Grammar:91.333333333333%
Flow/Rhythm:94.333333333333%
Vocabulary:95%
CHAPTER THREE
'Hey, MacKenzie.' Lukas rose, and turned towards the trim, conservatively dressed woman standing behind him, smiling warmly. 'You're early.' He embraced his agent. 'The meeting finished early.' Despite spending most of her adult years far south of Hadrian's Wall, MacKenzie had never lost her soft burr, the legacy of her Dundee upbringing. 'Thought I'd come and spend some quality time with my biggest star.' Her dark-eyed gaze swept past him to the young woman opposite. 'I hope I'm not interrupting anything.' Her tone was carefully neutral. 'No; not at all.' Lukas was oblivious to both her tone, and the cautious looks that each woman sent towards the other. 'In fact, this concerns you as much as me.' He bent, and spoke softly, next to her ear. 'Looks like the Outrunners may be back.' MacKenzie stiffened slightly, but that was her only reaction. She disengaged herself gracefully from Lukas' arms, and moved around him, until she was standing next to Jenna. 'You would be the young lassie that has bombarded my secretary with calls, these past few days. I am MacKenzie Church.' Jenna blushed deeply. 'I am so sorry, Mrs. Church,' she all but stammered, in her nervousness. 'I really am. It's just, I really needed to speak to Lukas; Mister Madson, I mean. I was so desperate, and..,' 'Hush, lassie.' MacKenzie slid into the empty space next to Jenna and smiled, 'there's no harm done, and I admire your persistence and determination. I gather, you have a problem?' 'Well..,' Jenna glanced across at Lukas, who had resumed his seat. He looked up, and smiled. 'Don't worry,' He reassured her. 'MacKenzie is my best friend and partner, as well as my agent. This concerns her, as much as it does me, so please, tell her everything.' 'While she does,' MacKenzie cut in, 'does this place sell food? I am absolutely famished.' She smiled sweetly. 'Would you be a sweet laddie, and get me something to eat?' 'It would be my pleasure, dear lady.' He rose, and looked across at Jenna. 'And for you? You can't have eaten much, waiting outside MacKenzie's office the last few days.' 'I am a little hungry,' Jenna admitted. 'But I don't have a lot of money on me, at the moment.' 'Don't you worry yourself over that, lassie.' MacKenzie patted her arm. 'Lukas has plenty enough to go round.' She smiled sweetly at her partner. 'He doesn't mind buying a pretty girl a meal. Do you, Lukas?' Lukas sighed theatrically. 'Helen's been a really bad influence on you, Mac.' He shook his head, and smiled. 'No, Jenna; of course I don't mind. What would you like?' The women looked across at the large menu over the counter, and, with MacKenzie prompting a clearly reticent Jenna, both made their choices, before dismissing Lukas. With another audible sigh that was completely ignored by MacKenzie, the medium crossed to the rear of the small queue, and leant against the rails. As he waited, his attention drifted back automatically to the two women. It was incredible, he thought, watching the pair chatting animatedly together, how MacKenzie could appear so tough and forbidding one moment, and then, the next, be able to put a person completely at their ease. It was just one facet of the many things he loved about her. He studied his soulmate; admiring the way the sunlight played catch with itself amongst the coppery tresses of her tied back hair. In many ways he thought, the two women were quite similar. Apart from hair color, MacKenzie could have easily passed as Jenna's slightly older sister. Both were about the same height and stature, and shared the same flawless complexion. In contrast to Jenna's cerulean eyes, however, MacKenzie's raptor gaze was of the darkest brown, almost black, and delineated with sharp intelligence. As was usual on a working day, she was dressed in her usual uniform of navy slacks and jacket, over a crisp white blouse; the almost stereotypical image of the successful businesswoman she was.
   

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    'Don't you worry yourself over that, lassie.' MacKenzie patted her arm. - I can't speak for England, but, in America, lassie, used in this manner, would be upper case.

    He studied his soulmate; admiring the way the sunlight played catch with itself amongst the coppery tresses of her tied back hair. In many ways he thought, the two women were quite similar. - Superb imagery here. Nicely done.
    Very good imagery and pacing. We are really getting to know your characters well.

    kt- change lassie to honey and see if it should be uppercase.
    Thanks guys; lassie, is a scots colloquialism, meaning young, or bonnie girl.

    Lowercase is fine, as far as I'm aware
    However, scots should be uppercase.

    Cool
    Damn Don; ya gots me!

    Angry
    'lassie' is used in lower case in Canada as well Verm, so I'll second your belief.

    But now, just because I feel like ribbing KT, I must point out that (while I cannot speak for the US) in Canada and Mexico and pretty much every country but the US over here, 'America' refers to the entire land mass spanning from Ellesmere island in Canada to Aguila Islet in Chile... Wink

    It has always been a pet peeve that the US is so often referred to as America.
    We do it just to irritate you. We're an arrogant bunch. Want pissed off? We think of Canada as the 51st state.

    Smile
    Fantastic, Verm. Looking forward to the next installment.