Arroba: The Awakening - Chapter Twenty one

Fantasy written by Kerri-Emmitt on Tuesday 2, November 2010

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Chp 21

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This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 91.533333333333% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:93.666666666667%
Imagery:92%
Spelling & Grammar:90.666666666667%
Flow/Rhythm:91%
Vocabulary:90.333333333333%
From possibility to actuality
I awake in the morning wrapped in the scent of Ali, for the first time in what seems like years. I don't move an inch, too frightened to break up the peaceful warmth of the morning. I take my time watching him sleep; the fluttering of his eyes as he dreams; his chest rising and falling lazily with deep sleep; every curve, dimple and rise of his perfect face. I'm trying to savor this, his serenity, before he wakes and it slowly leaks from his eyes. The peacefulness always stays a while after he gets up; well, minutes and then like a tidal wave destroying a whole town, it's taken from him and he becomes tense, agitated and... lost. I've grown to dread that inevitable happening. His hair has grown out quite a lot since he had made that impromptu decision to cut it off all of those months ago and not to mention that it has darkened so much since he hit the peak of his power; so, now it cascades across half of his face like a fall of black silk and I find myself tearing up before I can stop myself. His beauty always moves me and that has not lessened one little bit as the years go on. If you visited the beautiful planes of the Antarctica many times you would not fail to still be awe struck by its beauty, because it is just that wondrous. A lonely, captivating land of desolate ice and snow, a mystery to all - that is Alistair to me. So the more I see of him and the more I explore of his complicated, lonely life the more I find myself drawn in. I can't imagine ever getting numb to him or remotely bored; it's just not possible but it's not only me that feels this way. I had thought so but now, after seeing him interact with the Justice, the Amarian people and Lucile I now know that it's everyone; they're all completely affected by his presence. It makes me wonder what the Numinous really are, or what they were really meant to be? Anyhow, my point is this; I'm still not sure how I feel about that. I guess a part of me is a little threatened by the knowledge that he could quite easily find someone new if he wanted to but then all I have to remember is that he chose me knowing things were going to be so hard and then all of my doubt slips away, sated. Ali moves minutely beside me and I know he's watching me even before my eyes sweep over to his. "Good morning." I whisper, placing a very light kiss on his lips. He doesn't answer me, instead pulling me against his hot body and I press myself to him, as equally hard. Why can't things just stay like this; worry free, easy, loving and warm? That's all I want - not the responsibility of saving everyone or even the burden of my own growing powers - I just want him and that's all. But would I give up everything for him? Would I let the Amara destroy themselves for it? No and that's why I won't let this reality really settle in and comfort me; the hard times are not over yet. Sometime later, over our room served breakfast, Ali finally talks to me. "Did you sleep well?" I look up from my bowl of Metas - an Arrobian version of cornflakes - and frown at him. What has happened to the easiness? "Yes, fine thank you... well more than fine, if I'm honest, you were here so I slept brilliantly." I say smiling. He doesn't return the smile; in fact, his jaw clenches and he continues on with his breakfast, without so much as a grunt in my direction. So, it's going to be one of those days is it? Great and today of all days.
   

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Comments

    Rolling along nicely. Your main character seems a little bit helpless in the face of power. Going to be interesting to see how this can be wrapped up.
    Do you mean she seems out-shone by the characters around her? If so, I hadn't thought of it like that until you mentioned it. A lot happens from this point on which really answers questions and closes things nicely but it's also the part of the story I compromised on due to the growing number of pages. So, naturally this makes me a little unhappy with it and nervous but I also feel I need your opinions on it before I can make a decision - I've been looking at it too long.

    Thanks again for your time Don.
    Yes, that would be a good way to describe it. She seems to be the weak link in the story; I feel she needs to be an equal in some fashion. Not knowing the rest if the story, I may be premature in what I'm seeing. If you can raise her stature somewhat, you will have a better story. Just my opinion.
    Okay, thanks for that Don. You are a little premature Wink and we do hit the build of the crescendo in the next couple of chapters. Looking forward to hearing what you and others think.
    Okay; that was a great chapter.

    I've also read what you and Don have said, and think you both have salient points. I can see the build up coming, and wonder whether Dione, and indeed, Alistair are ready for the onslaught.

    I know where you're coming from Kerri, when you talk about compromise. what to leave out; what to include; where to include the facts you need to make - it's a tricky juggling routine, that I have problems getting right.

    What I think I'm getting at is that, maybe, Dione is pitching just a little low, at the moment. The story arc is perfect; the characterisations are stunningly portrayed, and the dialog is flowing sweetly. Dione herself, however, is, too me, just a little less empowered than you feel she should be, after all she's gone through. Fire tempers iron; makes it stronger.

    It doesn't need much; a little more fire in the soul. after living with these guys for so long now, I want her to serve up the ass-kicking the arrogant rulers so richly deserve.

    Go girl! Smile
    Thank you guys; you've explained this really well and your opinions are invaluable to me, always. I'm not sure I would have looked at it that way on my own; I do get a little wrapped up in this story so the gap between, 'what makes sense in my head' and 'what is believable to the reader' tends to get a little blurred along the way, if that makes sense.

    After thinking on this and why I portray Dione the way I do I can only say that I write her this way because I feel she is slightly weaker and more vulnerable than the others. Perhaps this comes from me reading a lot of books where the main female character can do absolutely everything herself and has minimal flaws; real like just isn't like that in my head. So, when trying to create a strong female character, to make it more real as it were, I felt she needed more weakness than most... lol I hope you see what I mean.

    For most of this story and the previous one I was happy with her being 'less' but as we get to the end of this everything shifts. I just hope it's done in such a way that is enough and that's what my very lovely, very patient friends on here will hopefully tell me. Grin

    Thanks again for your time guys; as you can tell, it means a lot. Smile
    He nods a thank you at me and then continues to rummage through draws. - Do you mean drawers?

    I like the way you tell the story using the ebb, flow, and dynamics of Dione's feelings.