The Depot Darling.

Romance Story written by Rob Kosy on Sunday 17, October 2010

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Description
Not really a romance, but something along the lines of a women's magazine.

Overall Rating: 92%

This writing has been rated by 5 members, resulting in a rating of 92% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:94.2%
Imagery:92.4%
Spelling & Grammar:88.4%
Flow/Rhythm:91.8%
Vocabulary:93.2%
"I just don't believe it!" "Believe what?" "Gerald is gay!" Just one week since Carl's advice the rumour fairy has turned Gerald from crown prince to crown mince. "No way!" I exclaim, "I mean, he can't be." Sam checks left and right before leaning forward, exposing that awful, flabby cleavage, "Well" she begins, "apparently, and this is just what I've heard mind you, Gerald the ladies man is just a front for Gerald the man's man." She pauses for effect and my mouth belatedly remembers to form an exaggerated "O", "You're kidding?" "I just wish I was" she says, theatrically, "what a waste, eh?" I nod, stifling a giggle, and gesture for the new, self appointed office "sexpert" to continue, "They found some flyers for "Camp David" in his desk drawer during a security check-" "Is that a gay club or something?" I interrupt, still relishing the feel of the five flyers in my hand as I accepted them from the not-so-gay bouncer last Monday night. Sam nods, catching a breath, "Unbelievable isn't it? Anyway, when they checked his company phone records they found all these numbers to gay chat lines 'n stuff. I heard he ran up £100 in a week." "So what's going to happen to him?" I ask, knowing, despite his protestations of innocence, that he'll pay the bill and accept the inevitable caution. As for being "gay", well, that's just a crime against his ego isn't it? Sam shrugs, "Dunno, but he hasn't turned up for work today; phoned in sick. There'll be a lot of disappointed ladies at the summer bash on Saturday, I'll bet." "Suppose so." I agree, knowing that I won't be one of them. I must admit, I'd forgotten about the company do. I might even turn up this year, assuming I can convince Carl to come; though I doubt that will pose any problems the way we're going. "I can't believe he phoned in sick," I say, "must be some truth in it then?" Or is his ego more fragile than I thought? Sam shrugs and turns back to her keyboard, an indication that she's squeezed the last drop from the gossip lemon. Donning a furtive victory smile, I do the same. Who's having the last laugh now, Gerald?
   

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Comments

    Wow, quite a story. You know you have some grammar mistakes but the story is really terrific.
    Rob, my freind,

    I am soooo impressed by this. Is there something you're not telling us, hmmm?

    Seriously, a totally engrossing piece, and the twist is inspired.

    Incredible. Smile
    Thank you very much Gentlemen.

    I actually wrote this for a competition after a friend urged me to.

    There weren't many rules other than submissions had to be a max of 2500 words and targeted at a women's magazine.

    I thought, "Aye, why not. its something different."

    I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. It was also the first time I've ever written anything in the present tense.

    I didn't win, by the way. But then again, it seems like no-one did. the competition has just vanished off the face of the earth.

    Don, would you mind letting me know what the errors were? I know that's a weakness of mine and I have been working on it. Its never been a strong point but I'm trying to make it, at least, respectable.

    Thanks, guys.
    "Guess so, Gerald." I reply,

    "Creep." I mutter, taking my station next to Sam.

    "Oh you should see him, Sam" I say


    You need commas after the dialogue here.(Unless the rules are different in England, and they may be)
    Thanks, Don. I think the rules are different, but I'm not 100% sure. I will check, though.

    Cheers, Don.
    Some punctuation errors.

    Great story. Nicely done. The gold thong on both men was a great touch!
    Wow; very very good Rob! This thoroughly entertained me all the way through!! Smile
    desiccated cat turd crumbling in my throat - best line ever!!!
    VERY funny and utterly wonderful! Crown Prince to Crown Mince: A classic!Grin