The Depot Darling.

Romance Story written by Rob Kosy on Sunday 17, October 2010

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Description
Not really a romance, but something along the lines of a women's magazine.

Overall Rating: 92%

This writing has been rated by 5 members, resulting in a rating of 92% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:94.2%
Imagery:92.4%
Spelling & Grammar:88.4%
Flow/Rhythm:91.8%
Vocabulary:93.2%
"So" Carl says, "How come a sex-kitten like you finds herself lying next to a despicable fiend like me on a second, successive Sunday night?" My entire body thrums with the after effects of his rampant errection. My thighs ache. My breasts rise and fall in time with my lungs. The air is redolent of magnificent sex. I merely sigh. It seems like answer enough. I've never allowed myself to be so coerced, so....controlled. I hate to admit it, but I could see myself falling for Carl. It scares me. Then Gerald flits into my head, "You're not married are you, Carl?" I blurt. He chuckles, "Hell no!" "Girlfriend?" Carl shakes his head, lightly strokes my cheek with the back of his hand, "No." Bingo! "You want to talk about it?" "Hmmm?" "There's obviously something, or should I say someone on your mind. Why else would you ask me that?" So I tell him all about Gerald. Of course, I can't tell him that the only reason I hate the depot darling is because I know that I could never prise him away from his wife and their "open relationship"; that I'm actually jealous that they can both enjoy that kind of freedom. Instead I stick with my company line; how he misled me, how he used me, how I could never be the other woman. When I get to the part about him "stalking" me Carl's eyes narrow, "Does he get aggressive?" "No, never. Its just......." "You feel uncomfortable?" I don't, just irritated, but I nod anyway. I'm enjoying Carl's chivalry. "So, from what you've told me he's the carnivorous, macho-type?" I nod, "Okay" he says, "start a rumour that he's gay. If its convincing enough the gossip will catch fire and he's history." I smile, considering Carl's proposal, until he gently eases himself on top of me again. I gasp, my thighs holding him tightly, instinctively. And all thoughts of Gerald melt away.
   

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Comments

    Wow, quite a story. You know you have some grammar mistakes but the story is really terrific.
    Rob, my freind,

    I am soooo impressed by this. Is there something you're not telling us, hmmm?

    Seriously, a totally engrossing piece, and the twist is inspired.

    Incredible. Smile
    Thank you very much Gentlemen.

    I actually wrote this for a competition after a friend urged me to.

    There weren't many rules other than submissions had to be a max of 2500 words and targeted at a women's magazine.

    I thought, "Aye, why not. its something different."

    I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. It was also the first time I've ever written anything in the present tense.

    I didn't win, by the way. But then again, it seems like no-one did. the competition has just vanished off the face of the earth.

    Don, would you mind letting me know what the errors were? I know that's a weakness of mine and I have been working on it. Its never been a strong point but I'm trying to make it, at least, respectable.

    Thanks, guys.
    "Guess so, Gerald." I reply,

    "Creep." I mutter, taking my station next to Sam.

    "Oh you should see him, Sam" I say


    You need commas after the dialogue here.(Unless the rules are different in England, and they may be)
    Thanks, Don. I think the rules are different, but I'm not 100% sure. I will check, though.

    Cheers, Don.
    Some punctuation errors.

    Great story. Nicely done. The gold thong on both men was a great touch!
    Wow; very very good Rob! This thoroughly entertained me all the way through!! Smile
    desiccated cat turd crumbling in my throat - best line ever!!!
    VERY funny and utterly wonderful! Crown Prince to Crown Mince: A classic!Grin