One Mind 2

Story written by Pritrostell on Monday 27, September 2010

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Description
PATs and Traps

Overall Rating: 89%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 89% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:90%
Imagery:85%
Spelling & Grammar:90%
Flow/Rhythm:90%
Vocabulary:90%
PATs and Traps
As I neared the PAT I noticed something I hadn't seen from atop the hill. The outer walls were made of stone and there were more guards manning the gates and walls than I had seen in any PAT before. Most PATs were made of lumber, as it was easier to manipulate and more abundant in the forests and fields many now called home. A glimpse through the gate I was approaching revealed the inner buildings were also made of stone. This took me by surprise only for a brief moment before my mind began to whir and the storm within my head grew larger and larger. "Ho traveller! What brings you to our fortress?" I looked up to see three heavily armed guards - as heavily armed as you can get in these times - approaching me. The one in the front was short and pudgy, the two behind him lean and weak looking. I could easily take them out if the need arose but I would need to be as friendly and discreet for this plan to work. Clearly someone was organizing all of this from the inside and I needed to gain their trust. "I come from a distant PAT that has been attacked and overrun by wildlife. I seek shelter and safety behind your walls." I swiftly hid my weapons and had only my staff shown. "You look well-endowed young traveller, and signs of any type of struggle at all are none existent. I'm afraid we cannot let you into our home." The guards raised their weapons - nothing more than sharp stones tied to long, sturdy branches - and began advancing on my position. This is not good. I can't attack them or my success of entry will surely be destroyed, but if I stand here and do nothing I could end up getting hurt. I don't have time to think this through, I need more time! "Oy, guards, he's OK. I knew him before the incident. I take full responsibility for him." The guards stopped and looked behind them to find a fair sized man in peasant clothes waving from the gate. "You're lucky stranger, go on through. Remember though, we've got our eyes on you." I pushed past the pudgy guard who sneered at me, and in the last moment I flipped him off before following the man who let me in around the bend.
   

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Comments

    Nice to see you active again Prito. A nice continuation.

    One or two misspells, and perhaps wrongly used words; nothing major.

    I like this. A lot
    I like this quite a lot. Like to see where you're headed.
    Head start, Jiraya sama...sorry Prito!
    Nice one indeed.
    Am also a Naruto fan by the way.
    Good so far! Keep it coming.