One Mind

Story written by Pritrostell on Wednesday 22, September 2010

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Description
Suck at titles, rough draft

Overall Rating: 90.28%

This writing has been rated by 5 members, resulting in a rating of 90.28% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:92%
Imagery:88.2%
Spelling & Grammar:93%
Flow/Rhythm:87.8%
Vocabulary:90.4%
Never done anything along these lines before, and this is a ROUGH draft, but I was curious on opinions before i went any farther. Am I doing well enough to continue in this genre or should I stick more with fantasy and cheesy poems? Let me know guys Smile hope you enjoy! _______________________________________________________________________________________________
One Mind
November 15, 2011. New York, NY. Snow falls lightly onto my shoulders as I stand and stare at the NYSE building. The once bustling and hectic stock exchange is now nothing more than an old abandoned building. Not just the stock exchange, but the surrounding businesses and city streets are also abandoned; no sounds of sirens or people, just silence. I chuckle to myself and climb back into my car. A quick glance at the passenger seat reveals folders filled with detailed plans and pictures of important figures and buildings. I open the folder and pull out a list, checking off "Step 5" as completed. I sit back in my chair and close my eyes, envisioning the path of destruction I had created. August 15, 2010. Washington, DC. 'Reports of widespread panic throughout the state have been confirmed as police desperately try to clear the gates of the Whitehouse and put an end to the daily riots. Swat teams in crowd control gear have been dispersed throughout the major cities although the effects of their presence are unclear at this time.' I flick off the television and look out my apartment window. A huge grin covers my face as I watch people burning cars and robbing stores. A scream nearby signals the beginning of a rape, and not two feet from the door to my apartment someone is shot. I close the window and blinds, leaving myself in darkness. It's begun. December 25, 2010. Ottawa, ON. "There he is! He's in a blue Mazda!" I sped along the road and cut across a field once the RCMP were out of sight. After ten minutes of driving full speed, swerving around trees and ditches, I stopped and got out of the car, looking at the orange glow coming from the now burning parliament building. Step two had been completed. I looked at the folder I kept in the passenger seat. Step 1; force the thought of 2012 into as many 'followers' as possible. Cause widespread panic and destruction at the US capital. Step 2; after causing nationwide panic, head into Canada and repeat step one. Step 3; corrupt the citizens of Europe and Russia in one swift movement. This step should be easy with two of the greatest nations requesting military assistance. Step 4; bring down the wealthy. If they fall, the rest of the world will follow into the belief of death and the end of the world. I read and reread the steps in front of me, each one followed by page after page of careful planning. Pictures of people to kill, bribe, corrupt, and pictures of places to burn, destroy, collapse. Everything I needed was there. I felt an odd sensation come over me, like I used to get when I tried lying to my mother. I hear my mother speaking to me in my head. 'Those psychology courses are a waste of your time and money. You should be doing something useful with your life, like helping your father run the restaurant.' "I have a good reason mom, trust me." February 1, 2012. Toronto, ON. The last of the fires have burnt out. Cars and bodies line the streets, the occasional person weaving between them in hopes of finding food or shelter. I sit on my motorcycle and revel in the chaos that now consumes the once famous city. The few people still alive fight for survival, much like the governments and order itself had done in the months prior to January 1st. I had achieved my goal. I collapsed the corrupt governments and freed the people of this earth from the necessities of wealth. Almost all technology had been destroyed already, and the lack of working men had led to failures in every power grid and dam across the world. Electricity was gone. The world had gone back to basics, a clean slate. No electricity, no ruling power, and most importantly, no hope. I crushed the hopes and dreams of everyone, and soon it would be time to give it back. October 5, 2016. Location unknown. A cold wind cur through the air like a knife, sending chills down my spine. I opened my eyes and shifted. The ground was beginning to turn cold, and the trees were starting to lose their leaves. I got up and grabbed the freshly skinned bear pelt out of the tree, wrapping it over my shoulders and tying the threaded string around my neck. Surprisingly it held much of the warmth from its previous owner, despite being washed an icy river not twenty minutes ago. I crested the nearby hill at the same time as the sun and revealed the largest PAT I'd ever seen. Most Post Apocalyptic Towns were small, holding only twenty or thirty people, but this one looked as if it might have well over 200. I slowly began to make my way towards the PAT keeping my old folder in the back of my mind. This is where I would begin the most important part of the entire plan. Step 6; become god.
   

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Comments

    Yep; by all means, keep this going. It has an edgy, antsy feel, that suits the theme.
    It's different. I'd certainly like to see more of this.
    A quite gripping piece. I'm curious; with what, this mad-genius comes up next. Smile
    Maybe with a little more details?
    more please! This is great, a really clever idea, i loved the ending. i wanna see where this is going to go.
    This is good. You could really expand each section and add a lot of color and detail. I would really put some effort into this; you've got a sound plot here.
    Hmm...I don't like the jumping around the time line (you went back, then forward), but I suppose it's for the best. I have a good sense that Mr. God will die in the end.