Moonlight Shadows

Fantasy written by artemis on Monday 13, September 2010

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vampire story

Overall Rating: 87.933333333333%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 87.933333333333% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Spelling & Grammar:85.333333333333%
"Roxy! Wake up!" I opened my eyes to see a dark figure leaning over me and screamed once more. "Hey! Calm down. It's me," a girl voice said and it took me some seconds to realize that she was not a werewolf but my best friend, Meredith. "God! You scared the crap outta me!" I said and sat up straight. Meredith arched an eyebrow. "I scared you? You were screaming your lungs out like there was an army of cockroaches walking all over you, girl!" She was sitting at the edge of my bed and was staring at me with concerned eyes. I was still short breathed and kinda freaked out by what I've seen. It just seemed so real. I could even feel the pain all over my body. Stupid dreams! One moment you're dreaming about finding a lost kitten behind a trash can and the next moment you're being chased by a werewolf and run for your life! But it was just a dream, nothing more, I kept telling myself. The lights were still off and the heavy dark drapes on the windows weren't letting any sunlight to pass through. But even in the dark I could see my surroundings very clearly. Being a vampire has its privileges. Yep, I was a vampire. So no, I didn't have that nightmare cause I was watching "Underworld" or something (even though these movies are definitely on the top ten list of my favorite movies). After all, werewolves weren't some kind of fiction creatures, like humans thought. They were very real and also our greatest enemies. They really hated our guts. Not that we felt any different towards them. They were just disgusting beasts with absolutely no manners or bathing habits, as Meredith was always saying. At least we were getting some education. And when I said education, I meant we were really attending schools. Well, totally awesome and cool, hidden from humans and other creatures, vampire schools. Humans would so freak out if they knew about the secret vampire society that co-existed with their own. Meredith was my roommate from our first day here in this boarding school where we were spending the biggest part of the year since the age of six. It was built in a remote area away from any big cities and surrounded by woods as far as the eye could see. It was just one of the many vampire schools that existed all over the world. I've never borrowed that huge volume about its history from the library, but I've heard enough about it in class to know that it has been here for centuries. And that was what explained its castle-like appearance. Seriously, that place looked like something that came out of a fairytale. Sleeping beauty could have been asleep in its highest tower waiting for her true love's kiss, for all I knew. It was kinda ironic hearing someone like me talking about fairytales, considering my species was in many human myths and legends. They, however, always made us look bad in these legends. Well, to clarify some stuff, no, we weren't the heartless bloodsucking monsters they believed. We surely needed blood to be strong and survive but we also needed regular food. So it wasn't like we were hunting humans down and draining every last drop of their blood. Besides, there were actually vampire blood banks that provided us with everything we needed so no harm done.

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    The beast was crawled against a brick wall. - This should be 'The beast had crawled against a brick wall.'

    You've got a number of small errors in your writing like this; you may want to correct them.

    There is some nice dialog here; you capture teen banter pretty well. Is it because you are a teen yourself?

    All in all, not too bad. Please continue on with the next chapter.
    Yeah, of course I will correct them. Thanks. It's just that english isn't my native language so sorry about those mistakes.

    I'm not a teen but I'm 22 so I'm not so far from it.

    Thanks for the review! I'll try to do better in the next chapter! Wink
    You're close enough to a teen for us, Smile

    This is a nice story; sort of Harry Potter meets Underworld, and Twilight. You have a talent for dialog; you just need to take a little care with with your narration.

    The English used here, is well above average, and will only get better, with practice.

    Looking forwards to the next segment; well done!
    As all my comments have been addressed, I will happily offer the one I look forward to the most: EXCELLENT WORK!