Runaway

Poem written by Invisible Heroine on Sunday 5, September 2010

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Description
a short poem

Overall Rating: 86.56%

This writing has been rated by 5 members, resulting in a rating of 86.56% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:87.6%
Imagery:86.8%
Spelling & Grammar:85.4%
Flow/Rhythm:87.6%
Vocabulary:85.4%
Matress bare Shades pulled shut blankets smelling like piss. jeans ripped Skin bruised and bleeding eyes red and puffy Books strewn across the room mirror shattered make up smashed hair in a ponytail. Cash stuffed in jean pocket shoes on backpack packed door open endless oppetunities and choices. Runaway.
   

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Comments

    Cool, but what is there to run away from. Blankets could be 'improved' if they smelled like cat piss instead. That stuff stays with you in the afterlife. The mess in the room can be improved with a background of OCD. Most of us have messy rooms anyway.Messy lives, messy dreams and relationships.

    "A shot poem" oh I love that sort of stuff Grin
    Not to bad. Good work.

    A few more lines perhaps to put out there the reason behind running away.
    Nice job. I liked it.
    Good piece of writing.
    Thank you all Cool
    This is evocative.

    Well written.