Fight Scene 1

Sci-Fi Story written by aussj4link on Tuesday 24, August 2010

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Description
Beta fight scene between Alex and Satan for my story.

Overall Rating: 89.266666666667%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 89.266666666667% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:88.666666666667%
Imagery:90%
Spelling & Grammar:89.666666666667%
Flow/Rhythm:90%
Vocabulary:88%
I have been still writing quite a bit lately, however it has been with pen and paper instead of computer screen. I have a lot of stuff for my story I've just been a little lazy getting it from paper to screen. This is something I imagined up one day at work and thought to write it down thinking it could be a good reference to have and to better create ideas off of. It's a short fight scene toward the very end of the entire story. Probably very little will survive from this when I reach the end of my story. There are several terms in this scene which normally by this point in the story you will understand all of them well. I have created a short Glossary of the terms to help with confusion in this scene, hope you like!
Glossary
Letholdus: The name of Alex's sword. The sword has its own conciseness which has aided him throughout his journey in many ways. Alex and Letholdus can speak to each other telepathically. Blood Barrier: A shell of dark energy forms around the caster. Difficult to see directly and transparent, the shell can absorb any type of magic. Magic consumed only empowers the barrier. The barrier requires a constant amount of blood to power it. The source of the blood makes no difference, however should the caster lose concentration, move, or take a hit from any physical attack the barrier will fail. Magic that hits the barrier can be used to power it in place of blood. After Image: Darkness surrounds the caster and forces light into the exact shape of the caster, creating a perfect image of the caster. The dark energy controls the light and manipulates it to give the illusion of animation. Dark Form: The casters body enters the void (a realm between the physical realm and the ethereal realm). The body loses all physical attributes and the conciseness' perception of time place and thought becomes extremely distorted. The caster can move in this form however nothing but magical energy can be seen. The physical and ethereal realms are completely unaware of the action of someone in Dark Form. Rend Wave: The caster is able to literally cut air creating an extremely thin wave of energy that extends from one point of dark energy to another. The energy can cut through anything and gives off a very small amount of light making it almost but not entirely invisible. The Rend Wave will fail if either ends of the energy where dark magic holds it stable should be disrupted. Soul Tremor: The caster must chant a moderately long verse of runic words and absorb dark energy into whatever he plans to use this spell in. It can be used to imbue anything. Anything that is damaged by something with the Soul Tremor if flooded with dark energy at the base of the injury. Those injured by the Soul Tremor cannot regenerate and are extremely disoriented. If the dark energy is not flushed out soon after, it will consume the victims life. _____________________________________________________________________
Fight Scene
I slammed into the ground with great force sending asphalt, rock, the bloody rain, and mud into the air around me. He wasted no time and prepared his next attack taking advantage of my short balance recovery. Before the debris four orbs as black as the void and as big as basketballs formed in front of the Lord of Terror. Being unfamiliar with this attack I decided to bring up the Blood Barrier. With the near endless amount of fuel surrounding me I needed no sacrifice from myself. The Blood Barrier formed immediately as did my own armors regeneration. Satan must have realized his attack would fail as the orbs faded. His Glare intensified; I knew that should I lower my guard at any moment that attack would most likely be his crippling, if not finishing blow. Giving him no time to think I lowered the Blood Barrier and charged. "Head on attack won't work!" said Letholdus. "I know..." I said. I leapt into the rain directly at my hovering target. He smiled in anticipation of my attack and stood his ground unflinchingly of my incoming assault. At the last second before contact I created an After Image and assumed the Dark Form. The form was no more pleasant than the first time I had used it. Letholdus knew what my plan was and guided my ethereal form to a more advantages position behind and above my enemy. Coming out of the form it felt like many hours had passed but I knew that not even an instant of time had progressed. Facing my opponent I saw my illusion about to attack Satan. He made no movement whatsoever as the image of Letholdus passed through him and then dissipate into the rain. I made no hesitation as I sent two Rend Waves at him. As with other demons I knew this attack wouldn't damage him hardly at all as they would merely regenerate with little effort. In this case however it would give me ample time to deliver a blow he could not recover from so easily. The two Rend Waves giving off their own light and as thin as a stream of atoms proceeded toward its target with near lightning speed; one vertical the other horizontal. I began chanting the runic words that would imbue Letholdus with the Soul Tremor. I watched the Rend Waves make contact with the devil. Passing through and causing no damage. I realized then he had done the same as me. He must have used an After Image at the same time I left Dark Form, otherwise I would have seen the energy burst in the void. "Behind!" Letholdus warned. I had no time to call the spell break command. I spun around with barely enough time to stop the soul consuming blade wielded by its frenzied master. When the two blades connected dark energy exploded everywhere. _____________________________________________________________________ Hope you liked that, I'm more of a action nut and I have a pretty wild imagination which might end up making me a bad writer, I haven't read any books that had extensive action scenes in them, I hope its not a bad thing. Smile
   

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Comments

    Not bad. Not bad at all. I'm surprised you haven't read an extended fight scene in a book before. Maybe reading one would improve this one. Have you ever read Eragon? Paolini does a really good job with individual fights and all-out battles. Your descriptions of magic and the unique attacks remind me of him.
    I found it hard to remember what the different weapons and powers were & had to keep refering to your glossary.

    However, I know this is an idea you're kicking around and when it appears in your story you shouldn't need the glossary since we will be familiar with the weapons through the course of the story.

    A great fight scene, though.

    Good stuff.
    Before the debris four orbs as black as the void and as big as basketballs formed in front of the Lord of Terror. - Do you really want to use basketballs in this type of fantasy story?

    Not bad. When you write the story that leads to this, you can delete this posting.
    I think something go lost in translation here lol. I didn't say they were basketballs I said they were the size of them. Not sure, should I have said they were exactly 36 inches in diameter? There is really no way I can put that that would be adequate for this story. I can tell you don't like action much, that's cool I have a feeling I will have very few people that actually like this story. Perhaps I will just write it for myself, gives me a hobby lol.
    Well, here is a suggestion that I like to use. You've got a bit of an exotic, medieval fantasy, right? Okay, no basketballs.

    Describe something in the setting, say a boulder, or a window on a house, or a small shield, or something as part of your imagery. Then you can use that as a reference when describing the size of the orbs. Get the idea?

    Now, as to action, on that you are dead wrong. I do like action. All of my stories have some action. And I do realize this is just an idea for a scene that you have. But I suspect you want to make it part of something larger. So you will have to fit it into the context of your expansion. I would have said something like: "The orbs were roughly the size of the small granite boulders that dotted the hillsides of Tarnath."

    Get the idea? Of course, earlier in the story, people would have become somewhat acquainted with Tarnath.

    Remember, writing is a brain exercise. You are imagining, and then creating. Words are your medium of creation, like a composer uses musical instrument.

    Please keep working on this. I love fantasy; Tolkien is my favorite. I would like very much to see where this goes.
    I also like action scenes; but, I have little patience for anime. I have the feeling that you are quite influenced by this genre, as you say that yuo have not read much action literature.

    Writing an action scene is a fairly strict discipline; trying to walk a fine line between keeping the flow natural yet exciting, and going overboard.

    For me; it's difficult to determine yet, upon which side of the line this work lies. I like detail; the more, the better. I do like this; but, as an introduction, it's somewhat lacking in definition.

    The one thing I will say is; listen to Kt. He knows exactly what he's talking about, and says it like it is. He will help,and sowill Don, Myelf, and many others here in the Den.

    This is good work; it will get better, if you give it the chance.
    I was just wondering, why do you say you have little patience for anime? I love a lot of the action scenes in anime and yes that is what this is somewhat based on but I had no idea it would be any sort of bad thing...
    The above comments are very valid. I'd point out this:

    wouldn't damage him hardly at all - a very ackward phrase.It's almost a double negative. Perhaps this would sound better: Would hardly damage him.

    The action doesn't flow well. It's more of a cartoon than a story. You have one action followed by another with no breathing room in between. I'd expand the actions that happen a little. What kt daid about describing the setting would make this flow better.

    This can be a good story. What threw me off was I got the sense of a lot of action but no clear picture of it.
    This is actually over the course of a short period of time, I tried to make sure to was slow... Umm, of course previous to this scene the surrounding would hopefully be well detailed so you can picture this better. Its just something that popped up in my head one day at work and figured I should write it down because I liked the way it looked in my head heh.