Too Late

Poem written by Pritrostell on Friday 20, August 2010

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Description
Sorry for absence, came up with this during lunch today...

Overall Rating: 90.65%

This writing has been rated by 4 members, resulting in a rating of 90.65% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:89.5%
Imagery:91.75%
Spelling & Grammar:89.75%
Flow/Rhythm:91%
Vocabulary:91.25%
First off, Sorry for dissappearing all of a sudden. Got hired at my mom's work to go in the warehouse and have been busy ever since. Not enough time in the day anymore, so sad. I came up with this during lunch today real quick and it's not refined but i thought i would pop in and say hi to everyone while i had the quick chance. As for "The Passage" i will continue it eventually, leaving my mandatory link to the last episode if people need refreshers, but it won't be for a little while. I have to help my grandpa with fixing a floor this weekend, and next weekend is booked solid so... eventually though Smile ANYWAYS, here's the rough edit of the poem, or whatever you may call it Smile Hope you enjoy. _______________________________________________________________________________________________ A cool breeze brushes over me as I stare down at the canyon below. A sudden crunch of twigs and gravel spins me around to find the barrel of a gun. I draw my own and aim at the opposition; A figure which instills sudden fear within me. Too Late. A bullet pierces my skin before i can fire off my own. I fall to the ground and begin to lose consciousness. A voice in the background echoes through my mind; Stephanie is near by. Too Late. A droning beep rings in my ears as I slowly open my eyes. Stephanie is by my side rejoicing that I am alive. I feel the same, as well as feeling thankful; I ask her for a date. Too Late I leave the hospital and return to my family. I haven't seen them in ages, and a familiar setting would do my heart good. I turn onto the street I used to live on; cops line the roads and are at my mom's house. Too Late I have nothing left to live for and wonder why I survived the attack. I tighten the noose around my neck and wonder about my families killer. The door behind me opens and I hear a familiar scream; Stephanie is crying and i stand on the chair with a blank stare. Too Late She says she loves me and is sorry for waiting so long to tell me. She begs me to come down and hug her, comfort her. I turn and look at her one last time; Blank stare showing no emotion at all. Too Late
   

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Comments

    Wow! This is dark. In my humble opinion, don't change a thing except to capitlize the word "i".
    My pulse actually quickened reading this.

    Great stuff.
    i really liked this- quite a spin.
    I draw my own and aim at the opposition; A figure which instills sudden fear within me.-the A should be lowercase.

    I turn and look at her one last time; Blank stare showing no emotion at all.- the B should be lowercase. A semi-colon is a clause, not a new sentence.

    Hell of a story.
    Hmmm;

    Dark.