The Passage: S1E4

Fantasy written by Pritrostell on Friday 16, July 2010

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Season 1, Episode 4: Techno-what

Overall Rating: 89.466666666667%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 89.466666666667% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:91.333333333333%
Imagery:88%
Spelling & Grammar:87%
Flow/Rhythm:91.666666666667%
Vocabulary:89.333333333333%
Techno-what
Previously on "The Passage". Klark, Leon, and Sherry find themselves in Cimarron, a western town. They were sent on their first mission: To track a fugitive trying to sell technology to older ages and signal professional Chronomagi to capture and return the target. To Last Episode --> [spoiler2]http://amateurwriting.net/infusions/w...g&wid=3513[/spoiler2]
***
Sherry head towards the saloon and Leon went to look around town. I decided to hit up the sheriff's department; I was hoping the sheriff might have gotten into a fight with the guy we were looking for, or maybe a wanted poster was up. I was careful not to attract attention to myself, only casting the occasional glance towards Leon. I didn't really have a hold on Sherry yet, and I figured she could hold her own, so I left her to her business. When I got to the sheriffs office there was nobody there. I browsed through the various wanted posters that were up on the bulletin board. I pulled a picture of the guy we were looking for out of my pocket and started comparing the faces amongst the posters. No matches. "What are you doing?" I jumped backwards and looked towards the voice. It was the sheriff. I remembered that color photos weren't invented yet so I quickly hid the picture. "I'm looking fer someone. They been trying to scam my friends and family. You seen anyone that might fit the description?" The sheriff sat down in a rocking chair, pulled out some wood and a small knife, and began to whittle away. "Thats a mighty vague description, but I might a seen a guy like that a couple of times. He comes back every week trying to sell some odd looking box." A small ray of hope hit me. Maybe I could actually do something without Sherry doing it first. "Do you know when he might be back around these parts?" "I reckon he's over at the saloon right about now." I thanked the sheriff and started heading towards Leon. "Don't cause no trouble you hear." The sheriffs voice trailed off behind me.
***
Sherry entered the saloon and walked right up to the bar; no one noticed, no one made a single peep. She was doing good so far. "Can I help you miss?" The bartender was looking at Sherry while washing a mug. "Gimme a beer, any kind." She slipped the bartender some coin. "I was wonderin, you see anyone tryin ta sell some new lookin technology?" The bartender looked confused. "Techno-what?" Sherry blushed; she had forgotten they were in western times. "It's a... um... an odd looking box with a bunch of buttons." "Ah yes, I know a guy like that." The bartender took the money and leaned over the counter. "That's him right there, sitting by the door." He nodded his head in the direction of the man then went to get her beer. Sherry took her fresh mug of beer and sat at a table across the room from her new target, boots kicked up on the table. While pretending to drink her beer she put her mouth close to her wrist and began talking quietly. "Leon, Klark, can you hear me? I need you guys to come to the saloon, I think I found him." Nothing. She tried a few more times and got the same empty response back each time. Finally getting fed up, she got off her chair and went to find them. Just before she reached the doors her target got up and went through the doors as well. Not wanting to loose him Sherry decided to follow him into a back alley. I know Klark said to wait for everyone to confirm but I can't risk losing him. She pulled a tracker out of her pocket and turned it on. Without making so much as a peep she quickly attached the tracker to the inside of her targets cloak and hid behind a barrel. She peeked out at him and found him still walking. Good, she didn't get noticed. Now all she had to do was find the boys and follow the tracker.
***
"Leon!" I ran up behind him and almost knocked him over. "What? What!" He steadied himself and turned to face me. "I talked to the sheriff and he said that our guy comes in to town once a week and hangs around the saloon trying to sell the stuff he brought back." I bent down and grabbed my knees. I was out of breath from running. Sure I probably looked like a fool but I was to excited to care. "Alright, so what do we do?" Leon looked a little flustered. "Well Sherry was headed to the saloon anyways so we should be able to find her there and then we can all get the guy together." We quickly made our way over to the saloon trying not to make fools of ourselves. We went into the saloon and looked around for Sherry. Nothing. We walked up to the bar and I cleared my throat to get the bartenders' attention. "Excuse me, but you wouldn't happen to have seen a girl about ye high wearing a cowboy outfit would ya?" "Look around you nitwit, they're everywhere." I turned and looked around; not a single girl was wearing a dress. "Yes well... you see, she might have asked you for information about a man selling some funny looking things." "Ah yes, she left not that long ago just behind the very man you speak of." "OK, thanks a lot." A scream shot through the saloon doors and Leon shot me a worried look. "I'm almost positive that's Sherry, I'd recognize her voice any day." Leon ran out of the saloon, me right on his heels. A small crowd of people were standing around a single person who seemed to be holding something. We squeezed our way through the crowd and found a man holding one of the ear pieces we used to communicate with each other. "Excuse me sir, but could I see that for a moment?" I stretched out my hand to take the ear piece and the man recoiled. "No, it's mine, I found it. Whatever it is you can't have it." I couldn't risk letting it stay in the hands of anyone but a Chronomage. "Sir, I really need that thing you're holding." The man became more agitated and soon the sheriff showed up. "What's all the ruckus down here?" The man showed the sheriff his new found treasure. "I found this here thingy and these people are trying to take it from me." The sheriff placed his hand on his gun and started towards Leon and I. "I thought you said this guy you were lookin for was scammin you and yer folks. Sounds more like you're the one scammin people." I had no other options. I drew my gun, which wasn't loaded, and aimed it at the man with the ear piece. "Now I don't want no more trouble you hear. I just want that item over there. Just hand it over, and no one gets hurt." Not wanting to start anything with a crowd that big the sheriff handed over the ear piece and backed away. I ordered them all away and Leon and I got on a couple of horses. I quickly holstered my gun and we took off down a back alley and out of sight. We stopped after a couple of minutes and I pulled out the ear piece. "How did that man get this? Did he attack Sherry?" Leon checked his ear and found he didn't have one. "I think I might have dropped it, I don't have one." I checked my ear and noticed mine was missing as well "We left them in the room, which means..." We quickly and quietly made our way to our room. When we got there we found Sherry with a gun pointed to her head. It was the man we were looking for. Leon stepped towards them but stopped when our target began pulling the trigger. "If you step any closer I'll kill her, right here, right now. Now you listen and you listen good. I don't want you following me, 'cause if I find out you do, I'll kill the girl." The man began chanting and Leon ran towards them. Just before he could reach them they disappeared into the time line. "Dammit, dammit, dammit!" Leon was stomping around furiously. "What are we going to do? What about Sherry? What about the mission?" Leon was breaking down. I tried calming him down as best I could, and finally got him to focus. "Listen, this is out of our hands now. We don't know where he's gone, and he has a hostage now. The best thing we can do is return to the academy and report to Harold immediately." The sheriffs voice started getting louder and I realized he was coming up the stairs to our room. "The sheriff is coming! Quick, grab our stuff!" We quickly gathered all our belonging and ported out of the room just before the sheriff entered. We were missing Sherry, our mission had failed, and Leon was out of control. I wasn't sure how I would explain my failure to Harold but I was just glad to be out of Cimarron.
   

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Comments

    I know Klark said to wait for everyone to confirm but I can't risk losing him. - That section is in third person, but with this sentence you flip into first person. You may want to change this for the sake of consistency. Keep a section of you story in the same viewpoint throughout.

    On the plus; a pretty good plot so far.
    Some grammar mistakes but a good story. It moves right along.
    Yep; cool - keep it going.