Pokemon: New Colors

Fan Fiction written by Dnavarre on Monday 12, July 2010

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Description
Ch 1, 2, and 3

Overall Rating: 93.8%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 93.8% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:92.5%
Imagery:93.5%
Spelling & Grammar:93.5%
Flow/Rhythm:96%
Vocabulary:93.5%
Chapter 2: Flying Fury Route 1 was a dismal and unkempt road that led north from Pallet Town. From time to time the trodden path of dirt would disappear for long periods of time, only to wind up later on. At first I gave it no mind, but when we passed an area where the tall grass had overcome it for nearly an hour's walk, I began to get worried. I voiced my concerns to Kory, who just laughed and patted his messenger bag. "Don't worry, I've got a compass. As long as we go north, we'll reach Viridian City eventually!" I couldn't argue with that logic, and it seemed to suppress my fears for the rest of the way. Charcoal was behind me every step of the way, his head constantly darting side to side to see if anything was coming at us. I didn't feel too safe, though. The Charmander was strong for his type and age, but, as with most weak Pokemon, he was short. His head hardly came over the grass. Another fear I had was that his burning tail would set the tall grass into an inferno. The Pokedex didn't have any information on its tail's flame, but it seemed to only burn things that Charcoal wanted to burn. Finally, after hours of endless walking, Kory stopped and sighed heavily. "Darin, I'm tired of walking." "Well, I am, too," I said, looking at him, searching for a reason for the statement. Kory was looking around the area. He pointed to a nearby tree. "There, we should stop and eat lunch. It's nearly 3." I glanced at my PokeGear, a high-tech watch that was a radio, clock, phone, and map all in one. Kory had one too, but where his was mainly gray with black designs, mine was blue with white. Kory was right; it was well past noon. At word of food, my stomach rumbled, and was quelled by my hand's gently touch. "Yeah, we should stop. I'm pretty hungry, not that you mention it." We sat at the base of the tree; myself positioned on a risen root, and ate some food packed by our parents. My mom made the best PB&J, though the other kids didn't think so. They all debated that their moms made the best sandwiches. The thought of my mom twisted my gut, so that I couldn't eat. Poor mom, I thought, looking at the ground, ashamed. She'll be at home, now, or at a doctor, seeing to the cuts. I closed my eyes tightly and begged for her forgiveness. And here I am, a run-away without even saying goodbye. Im a horrible son. "You okay?" asked Kory, looking up from his own lunch (a red apple). I sighed. "Yeah, I guess." Kory didn't ask any more, shrugged, and took another bite of the apple with a loud crunch. I ate, trying not to taste any of the delicious peanut butter or sweet grape jelly. I stopped, halfway done, and looked around. Charcoal was looking at me expectantly, still as an Ekans preparing to strike. I smiled as best as I could and offered him the half-eaten sandwich. "I didn't forget about you," I lied. Charcoal sniffed the sandwich questioningly, licked it softly, and turned away. "All right," I said, standing up. My stomach instantly began to cry out again, but by then I wasn't about to eat the remains of my lunch. "What do you want, then?" I asked. Kory didn't seem to notice my leaving. Charcoal looked around, sniffed at the air. "Char, Char, Mander, Char," He said, unhelpfully. He did a circle and looked up. A gleaming swelled in his green eyes, "Char!" I glanced up to where he was staring. The tree Kory and I had eaten under was full of a type of blue berries that looked to have had white paint rubbed over them randomly. "Alright, get some, then." I told him. The Charmander ran forward and hopped into the air, attempting to wrap his short arms around the tree=s girth. He fell back to the ground hopelessly. I tried to help, but my arms didn't reach either. "Sorry, looks like we'll have to find another way to bring them down," I said, looking up at the berries again. They looked good, and they probably wouldn't eat at my conscious while I ate at them. I searched the tree, doing a slow circuit, trying to find a way to bring the berries down or to climb to get them. "Char?" inquired Charcoal, attempting to climb the tree again. "I got it!" I announced. I backed up a few steps, braced myself, and charged forward. I slammed into the tree arm first, but it was so thick and I was so small that it didn't even begin to sway. I had woken up something else, however, and it squawked above me. Another joined it, then another, and soon there was a chorus of annoyed birds. I pulled my Pokedex from my pocket and aimed it at them. A second later, a full picture of one appeared on the device and, in an electronic voice, it began to speak. "Spearow, the tiny bird Pokemon. It possesses keen eyes that can see through any weather or opaque obstacle; mist, snow, or sand. If not for its incredibly aggressive and territorial attitude, Spearow would be prime choice for sending messages if modern power would fail. They are often described as the divergent of Pidgey, though Spearow only evolve into Fearow." "Incredibly aggressive?" I repeated stupidly, staring at the bird's picture. It definitely looked the part; angry eyes, a sharp, hooked beak and talons, and unruly hair that gave it an irritated, insane look. Only, and this didn't improve its looks, it had a pale scar across its face. One of the birds leapt out of the tree and flew away for several seconds before taking a wide turn and diving towards us. I ducked, but felt its jagged feet peek into my hair. "Charcoal, help!" I shouted. The Charmander responded quickly, stepping in front of my protectively, watching the Spearow circle back again. This time when it descended towards us, Charcoal lunged forward attempting to capture the bird in his tiny arms. The Spearow cleared us, gliding wide to the right, its eyes glaring at Charcoal with open anger. It opened its sharp beak and cawed its name. I didn't know what it was saying, but I got a good idea when half a dozen more Spearow leaped out of the tree and began to circle us. Charcoal couldn't stop them all. All at once, by one hidden signal, they came at us. Charcoal jumped on one, pinning in to the ground for a moment before leaping at a second and taking it down as well. The other five flew past me, raking their claws against my clothes and skin. My flailing arms entangled with one and a hand managed to wrap around it for a few seconds before I toppled on my back and set it free. Charcoal positioned himself in front of me again, preparing for another strike. The two he had felled had already taken to the air again with little more than a few ruffled feathers and a lot more anger. It occurred to me that Kory hadn't even tried to help us. "Kory!" I shouted and took a chance to glance in his direction. He had fallen asleep against the tree, with a full stomach. I groaned and looked back at the skies. The Spearow were falling again, their eyes sparking fury. "Kory!" I screamed, attempting to wake him. The Spearow hit us. Charcoal again tackled one, but this time did not recover to get another. With my wildly swinging arms I hit one and captured another. This time it did not escape, but it was hard to hold on to. I had it by its skinny feet and felt myself sliding forward as it pumped its wings with all its might. Charcoal scratched at the one it had pinned until it stopped moving. When the Charmander stood it bore several cuts from the Spearow's talons. The bird twitched where it lay. Charcoal quickly came to my side and violently scratched the Spearow across the back. It screamed and twitched its feet, cutting the sharp nails against my skin. I yelped pathetically and let it go, falling on to my aft end. "Charcoal," I said, "wake up Kory!" The Charmander nodded and ran over to Kory. I dividedly looked between the birds and the flaming lizard. He shook Kory for several seconds, but the boy did little more than mutter and bat him away. "Charcoal, wake him up!" My Charmander did: he raked his nails across Kory's face and the sky was filled with my friend's screams as he jumped away from the tree, skittering across the ground. Charcoal looked at me with an accomplished smile. I suppose he had done as I asked. "What's your problem?" Kory shouted, covering his red face. "We need your help, Kory!" I said, watching the skies again. The Spearow were preparing to dive once more. He started to tune into the world for the first time. "Oh, man, look out for those Spearow!" "I know! Now help me!" Charcoal ran back to my side just in time to miss tackling one of the birds. The others hit me simultaneously. I cried out and collapsed to one knee, not watching them spiral into the air again, starting another circle. "Go, Biter!" Kory shouted. "Show 'em what you're made of!" There was a ball of red light spinning through the air, arching to the ground, from the ball in Kory's hand. Like an unraveling ball of yarn, a rather common Pokemon took form. There was no time for me to scan it, but I knew it to be a Rattata. "All right, Biter," Kory said loudly, proudly, and pumping a fist, "attack one of those Spearow when they come down!" The purple mouse sat on its haunches and scratched behind its enormously long whiskers. Kory's face fell into disbelief. One corner of his mouth twitched, confused between a smile and a frown. "Biter, get up and fight!" Biter stuck his nose in the air. The Spearow came at me again, and Charcoal only managed to stop one. I sank off my knee and listed onto my side, feeling the deep cuts left by the birds. I began having trouble keeping my eyes open more than bare slits. I closed them, dreading what was inevitably coming... And then my eyes opened, and Charcoal was blocking my vision. "That's it!" Kory was shouting, "get'em Biter!" The Rattata was screaming, a hissing snarl, as it leapt into the air, tackling a Spearow into the dust. The bird clambered to its feet and started to take off again. It didn't get very far before Charcoal lunged at and scratched it. The Spearow fluttered away to a tree weakly, giving up the fight. I rolled over, trying to see what had caused the change in standings, but the high sun blinded me, leaving only the cries of Pokemon and Kory's encouraging shouts and commands. Only a single Spearow raked me that time. I used a hand to block out the light and looked around. The seven Spearow had been reduced to four, but not a single one was still on the ground, so they must have retreated to their nests. The next bombardment, Biter and Charcoal easily held off, with Charcoal pinning one to the ground. When he stood, a wing twitched but it did not flee; it could not flee. I clambered to my feet, my arms swaying weakly. But this was my moment. I retrieved a Pokeball from my belt. I clicked the button once and felt it swell in my hand. Then I threw it with all my reserve strength. The Pokeball hit the weakened Spearow and bounced off it. For a second I thought it hadn't worked, but then I was put in a state of shock and awe. The ball opened and absorbed the Pokemon, rolling it up in the strange red energy. The ball closed, fell, and shook. The bird was attempting to break free with any and all strength it still had. It rolled around like it had been kicked, showing its white bottom. It rolled again, but not so far. Then it simply twitched. The button glowed red for a moment, letting out a resonant hum. I staggered over and picked the ball up. I stared it dumbly then smiled. I thrust it towards the sky with renewed energy. Then I collapsed and fell into a deep sleep. I didn't stay unconscious for long, however. I woke with a start in the late afternoon of that same day. Kory had bandaged my wounds and was poking a stick in a rock-circled fire pit. Smoke was rising from it, but the fire had hardly caught. Charcoal stepped over helpfully and dipped his tail in, giving it a healthy burn. He announced his name happily, enjoyed that he could help. Biter wasn't around, most likely tucked away in his Pokeball. I sat up and yawned before I had a chance to say anything. Involuntarily, I stretched. Kory looked to me. "Hey, I'm glad you're up. You've been out for a few hours." "What happened?" I asked, with a mouth that felt like it was full of cotton. Kory stared at the flamed idly, mulling over his thoughts. "Well, we beat out the Spearow, you caught one, and then you passed out. I thought it would be better to move away from the Spearow, so I carried you out further down the...erm, road. It's not really a road. It disappeared a while ago." "I'd noticed." I groaned. I was hungry! "Do we have any food?" He motioned to a pile of berries around our bags. "Charcoal sniffed out those berries, but I just had some food my mom packed me. It's going to be strange, eating new foods, isn't it?" "Yeah," I said, moving to the pile and taking a handful of the blue berries. I popped one in my mouth and tasted it. It was sweet, and the skin was chewy. I liked it. It wasn't as good as, say, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but they were something. I wondered if they would taste good as juice, or if you made a sandwich with them. "So why were those Spearow attacking you, anyway?" I swallowed. "Me and Charcoal were getting some berries like these. He doesn't like my mom's food, I guess." "Well, he is a Pokemon. They just attacked you?" Kory laid down , supporting his head with an arm. "The Pokedex says they're very territorial." Kory's brows furrowed. "What's a Pokedex?" I ate another berry and found my Pokedex in my pocket. "Professor Oak gave it to me this morning. If you aim it at a Pokemon, it unlocks data on it. In return for Charcoal, he wanted me to try and fill it up with as many Pokemon as I can find." Kory turned it over in his hands, opened it, and started playing with it. "I wonder if he'd give me one." I shrugged. "Maybe, since you're starting out, too." I ate two more berries; they were addicting! "We'll call and ask him when we get to Viridian City." Kory lay down. "It's too late for us to start moving again today. We'll keep going tomorrow." "That sounds good," I said. We were off to a bad start. We had not only overslept and got a late start, but we also had trouble and lost nearly four or five hours. Ariana and Zack would be nearly at Viridian City, and would most likely be inside before noon the next day. If only they would get slowed down! A sudden squawk made me jump. I looked around and moaned. "Oh, no! Kory, look!" The six remaining Spearow were flying towards us, fury radiating off of them. Kory stood and quickly retrieved a Pokeball from his bag. He tossed it let Biter join in the fight. "Charcoal, to me!" I said. Charmander stepped beside me, and then Biter and Kory. "Ready?" he inquired. I nodded. "We beat 'em before." The six all dove without circling as they had done before; they swept through our ranks, some pulling out at the last second, decoys. They had gotten smarter since our last bout. Even Charcoal and Biter couldn't catch them, even when their beaks pecked at them. They did this again, and again we dealt no damage. Charcoal sensed we would lose and ran forward to meet them. He leaped to take one on, but was stopped in a sudden swarm of all six. Being separated from us, he was a perfect target. "Darin, call him back!" Kory shouted, though I already knew I needed to. I held up Charcoal's Pokeball, trying to recall him, though the Spearow were in the way. "I can't get him!" I shouted with a voice full of panic. Kory ground his teeth and looked at his Rattata. "Biter, help Charcoal out!" The mouse ignored him. "Fine! Don't help!" Without another Pokemon to help us, it was up to me. I ran forward, waving my arms wildly, hoping to scatter the Spearow. Two turned on me and started to peck at my face, turning me back. I had no other choice, then. I reached onto my belt and pulled out the second ball. One click and it filled my hand. I threw it and watched as the Spearow I had caught came to life in a lengthy red flash. It cocked its head and cried out. It was then I noticed who it was; it was the Spearow that had first called the others, the one with the scar. The other Spearow backed off Charcoal, hovering in the air with rapid wing beats. My Spearow said something else, calling out its namesake. The Spearow lunged at it, attempting to take it down. My Spearow climbed higher in the air, making it more aerial than ever, diving and spinning and looping his way around the others, occasionally putting in a peck or scratch. Somehow, I could understand what was happening. My Spearow had been their leader and they had come to rescue it, only they hadn't seen me capture it and now they knew and couldn't accept it since it had been captured. So they had to fight it, the vanquisher would obviously become the new leader. Apparently, my Spearow was leader for a reason. He wasn't rash, taking out each one in turn. Before the battle had gone on too long, I snapped out of my excited trance enough to remember Charcoal. I sprinted over to him and dropped to my knees. He looked bad. He was on his side, covered in twice as many cuts as before. His emerald eyes were wet. "Char..." he cried weakly, his chest heaving for breath. "It's okay now, Charcoal," I soothed. "We'll heal you soon." I pulled his Pokeball off my belt again and recalled him. I stood and watched the battle in the skies once more. Two Spearow had already become too weak and given up, flying back the way they had come. A few seconds later a third nearly plummeted, but broke out of its dive and fluttered weakly into the distance. The fourth followed soon after, and the fifth and sixth broke away, crying out some empty threats. My Spearow landed gracefully, bearing only a few marks and ruffled feathers. He filled his chest proudly, watching them leave. The amount of anger in his eyes was less than before. He looked at me and cocked his head. "Are you going to stay with me?" I asked. Kory laughed. "He did it!" The Spearow looked at Kory, then back at me, and nodded. It seemed to like belonging to a trainer; it was a new journey. And after that battle it couldn't very well return to its group. "Well, in that case, you'll need a name." I thought it over. Scar? No, it was too obvious and overused. Aero? No, it was a boy. It came to me, then. "How about Talon?" The Spearow cocked its head again, thinking. It nodded. "Spear!" I smiled and nodded. "Alright, then. Welcome to the team, Talon!" We weren't bothered by the pack of Spearow again.
   

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    Each of these chapters is, at a minimum, twice as long as most stuff I've written before and still, in my opinion, good and does the job. Chapter 1 is the longest, at just over 4500 words. Chapter 2 the shortest, at around 3400. Chapter 3 in the middle at almost 4300.
    Jeez, I had to read this twice. It's qute a tale. The whole thing is excellent, just excellent. It is imaginative and very visual. The pace is almost perfect. I can't see a thing out of place except: ADo you want anything to drink. I didn't get this sentence, Is it a typo or did you leave out a comma?

    The only reason I had trouble with it is that I don't normally read this kind of story. It really is good.
    Ah-ha. Ah-ha. Don you might need to drop your rating...well, you do. This is based off a hit series of children's video games. All I did was make a story to go along in the universe.

    And that typo is what I spent an hour trying to fix. For some reason, every parentheses turned into an "A" and a "@" after being brought over. I had to go through and change every single one...grr.
    All I did was make a story to go along in the universe.

    All? My rating stands.
    Why would you think I wouldn't read it? I'll read it in chapters, as I do all of the long writings here. It will take, maybe a week, because we have a lot of people posting long writings, but I will get it read.
    Okay, I don't know much about Pokemon other than it was pretty popular. This was highly entertaining.

    What happend to Charcoal? Was he healed.?
    Charcoal has to wait until he reaches a town to be completely and professionally helped. After a night's sleep he'll be rested, but not perfect.