I'll See You In My Dreams

Story written by Darkfire on Saturday 10, July %3

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Description
July entry: Thought i'd give it a try. Plus i need a break from my story.lol

Overall Rating: 91.1%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 91.1% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:91.5%
Imagery:93.5%
Spelling & Grammar:89.5%
Flow/Rhythm:91.5%
Vocabulary:89.5%
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"It's as simple as giving me a rose, David. Sometimes I feel as if I'm competing for your love and it's not fair," these were Sarah's last words to me before we ended whatever it was that we had together. Many night's I've dreamt of her; her passionate smile, her seductive smile, and her deep blue sapphire eyes. In my dreams, its night and I am sitting on the shoreline of a deserted island, watching as my angel dances and plays at the foot of the ocean. The whole island is illuminated by a mystical full moon which sometimes shines radiantly off her long black hair. Yes, it is too dark for me to clearly see her face yet I know it's her. I can feel it in my bones; the way she moves, the sound of her laugh, but something is strange. For some reason I can't bring myself to get up and walk over to her. My soul yearns for this woman and my arms reach out to her but...nothing. Nothing ever happens. She never stops frolicking about and barely even notices I'm there. Amazing; this angel of mine, everything I want in a woman, is mere steps away from me and my feet refuse to budge. They betray me as she dangles before my eyes, taunting me with a love I have never had. Eventually I accept that this is not meant to be...not this night. However, she is here and so am I, watching her lovely movements. She dances for me and me alone. And that is enough for me. I continue to watch her until the morning light creeps over the horizon; at which point she stops dancing and smiles back at me as she fades away. Waking up never feels more devastating than after those dreams. I slept so good I didn't even hear the thunder storm last night. "David..." I can hear her voice in my head. Looking at the rose on my window pane, overlooking the city as the sun breaks through, I finally make my decision. I want her, the girl of my dreams, Sarah. Without a though I Rush out the door and lock it with my shirt half on and the rose in my mouth. "I want her now, I need her," I say as I leave out the building's front door. The scenes from last night repeatedly flash in my head as I race down the street; the majestic scenery, her seductive smile, the feeling of complete euphoria. Finally approaching the front of Sarah's something stops my advance. "I feel like I'm competing for your love," is what I hear as the vision of her silhouette splashing in the water plays over and over in my head. Suddenly she seems a lot different than the woman in my dreams. Are they really the same person? If not, then who is she? "It's as simple as giving me a rose, David." Sarah walks out of her building and finds a single red rose, lying on the wet concrete. She picks it up and looks around for a familiar face. "You were right, Sarah...it's not a fair competition. There is no way you can compete...with her."
   

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  • Very good. A few grammar errors but a good story.
    - July 10 2010 20:12:00
    • A most unusual character to develop for this contest.
      - July 12 2010 01:37:37
      • Love it. I'm glad we're getting some entries now.

        I hope this keeps up, over the next few months Smile
        - July 12 2010 04:38:02