Coming back to life

Story written by nimsun on Saturday 19, June 2010

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Description
desperate desires

Overall Rating: 87.466666666667%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 87.466666666667% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:89%
Imagery:90%
Spelling & Grammar:85.666666666667%
Flow/Rhythm:87%
Vocabulary:85.666666666667%
Her face discoloured when I asked her to forget her love. I knew that she would not listen; still I tried again, "Comeback to school. Be that girl who was crazy for mathematics and sports; not the one who is crazy for a boy," A solemn silence was between us. She turned her eyes away toward the birds flying above the sky. I knew that my sarcasm hurted her again. Slowly, her face was losing hopes. She was losing herself into the world which was totally unknown to me. She would have been playing with kids or teasing her brother if she had not fallen in love. She would try to beat me in algebra or we would play on poker on computer. She lost herself. She lost her cheerfullness. " She does not eat properly ," said her mother worriedly ,"She does not talk much now," her eyes had fear of losing her ,"Try to talk to her and ask her to join school again," Her mother asked me to take her back to the tracks of life. Now, it seems that her witchy word was spell-casting me. Suddenly, she came near to me and whispered into my ears," Nayassa, fall in love...it's a immense and luscious feeling...."
   

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Comments

    This sis good; I would so like to see more.
    Very good. As Verm said, let's see more.
    This is lovely! I would love for someone to get their hands on your writing and help you with your grammar because then, it would be so beautiful!

    Carry this on; well done!
    I find this ammusing because for once, the tables are turned and Don likes what he sees whereas I need more before i can fully rate and commet on it...

    This is funny Pfft
    thanks for comment...Smile
    @ kerr-emmit.., yeah...I need somebody....this story seems incomplete and weird without grammer.
    @pritostell....nice smilies....i love smilies , anime and cartoons.Smile
    Much easier reading than your other stories. You use of capitalization and punctuation has really improved.