A journal entry...i guess
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The past is something that one can look back to with a sense of nostalgia and fond memories. However the past can also be like chains of torment to those unable to let it go; like me. It casts its dark shadow over my every thought, crippling the present. Combined with the problems of today, my past tears to shred every moment of peace or happiness I manage to find in this chaotic world. Every day it threatens to take away my blissful time of youth and taunts me with a strong skip of my heartbeat. Youth is but a short while yet old age is for eternity. Even in the prime of my youth I have been faced with the mortality of my life and it scares me sometimes. Even more, I fear my past and my regrets are quickening my end. I have tried many nights to forget the promises I made to myself; promises that years later, I have not and may never be able to keep. Tossing and turning in my plain, lonely bed at night, I think back how quickly time goes by.
Twelve years ago, in the presence of a full moon, I made a promise to myself and my closest friend whose future was soon after taken from her. After her death, the world continued as it always does and everyone moved on with their life. Yet I stand alone in this time, disconnected from the world and chained to the past. I am a man of my words and even the most insignificant of events fail to escape my mind. My memory is unintentionally above average and some perceive this to be a good thing. But this powerful gift is also my biggest curse. Now life has thrown me around and beaten me near my breaking point. The respect I deserve has never been given to me, the people I needed by me were never really there, and the life I wanted for myself, I do not have. Yet this night, having been again reminded of my mortality, I make a new promise.
Once again, staring at the clear night sky, days before my twenty second birthday, I make a promise with only the North Star and God as my witnesses. "No one has ever given me respect, but who cares; so long as I respect myself? The people closest to me have damaged my spirit time and time again, but who needs them; I have learned to uplift myself. The life I want is not the life I have, but so what; my life is not over yet and nothing has been decided." The last thing I had to do was the by far the most difficult things I have ever done in my life. I released myself from all promises of the past, breaking the chains that have become part of my being for more than half of my life. Instead of those seemingly ancient promises that have held me back in fear for so long, I will live the rest of my life with a new set of goals; ones that I know I can live up to. I promised that I will never again feel regret for anything in my past and stop looking back altogether. My new life begins tonight. So if in the future I decide to look back to the past of my new life, it will be full of fondness.
Who knows how long I have on this earth; or anyone else for that matter. However I know one thing; when this life ends, I will have given the pursuit of happiness a full go, never holding back. As a man in this life, it takes a great deal of courage to continue down the path you have chosen for yourself, no matter what others may say. This...is my new promise of a lifetime.