A - Willows Run. Chapter 09

Story written by common on Friday 28, May 2010

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The Cold Of War Can Still Make You Feel Alive

Overall Rating: 88.2%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 88.2% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:92.666666666667%
Imagery:90.333333333333%
Spelling & Grammar:84%
Flow/Rhythm:87.666666666667%
Vocabulary:86.333333333333%
Chapter Nine " Dr Tillman? "Welcome home, Willow" Gary said. My vision was blurred. As they adjusted to the bright light that filled the room, I could make out a few things that made up the room. There were large capsules, filled with bubbling water with what looked to be people in them. Lifeless almost, eyes closed hands tight to their sides, hairless. A few cables connecting into them through the nose and other pads stuck to their chest. The only sign of life to come from them were that of a heart rate monitor quietly beeping on the machine on the outer side of the chamber. I staggered to my feet, slipping a few times and then gathering myself. Gary stood smiling at me. Looking proud. Tillman still lay unconscious on the floor. "So what do you think?" Gary says with an out stretched hand sweeping across the lab. "What is this place?" I ask "It's your home, Willow" I stare at him blankly, then cross the room and place my hand on one of the chambers, looking inside. The glass cold against my hand sends a shiver through my body and makes me feel a sense of ease. Like I have been here before, but that seems to be a feeling I have been encountering a lot of late. I turn around. Gary stands watching me, his hand rested on a table. "Willow, have you been feeling different at all?" He says and pauses. I nod slowly. He smiles and continues. "Felt like some things to you have come almost natural, your instincts and reactions to things have been more than average. Yet at the same time like you haven't been able to remember a thing" I stand for awhile taking it all in. Everything I'm being told is correct, yet still makes no sense to me. Why the war, why the loss of memory, why this place, why anything. "It's ok Willow, in time it'll all make sense. You are the beginning of something so much more, something bigger than you can ever imagine. You're the beginning of perfection" He says with a sound of excitement in his voice. On the floor Tillman groans and rolls over onto his back. I run over to him and kneel down helping him sit up with his back against the wall. "Ah, welcome back Dr Tillman" Tillman groans, placing his hand on the side of his head. I help him to his feet. "What do you mean Dr Tillman?" I say to Gary while helping Tillman gather himself. Gary lets out a small laugh then says "Why, he is one of the creators of all you see here. One of the masterminds behind the creation of a perfect society which you see around you in those chambers" he says with a nod of his head towards the chambers on the edge of the room. Tillman had by now recovered enough to stand on his own. He kept his hand at the side of his head, but seemed at ease now on his own feet. He looked around the room seeming a bit unsure at what he was seeing and what he was hearing from Gary. "Why did you call me Dr?" he asked directly. "Because that is who you really are my dear Tillman. You're no leader of a resistance. You're a creator, a creator of life, one of the creators of the very girl that stands beside you. Tillman eyes were wide, he looked at me. I stepped away. "You see" Gary said "This is all but a creation. We were tired of crime, people hating one another for petty reasons and so on that we took it upon ourselves to create a new breed of person. One that could stand up on their own and be perfect in every way possible, but to achieve such a thing, well, many had to die in the process. One of the many problems we encountered was that the human mind could not easily be altered. Hence why we brainwashed, started with a clean slate so to speak, but this alone created problems, problem being that many subjects minds could not handle the process and not long after would die because of it" He paused and took a breath. "You're fucking crazy!" Tillman said sharply at him. "I never would have thought you were the mole that was stopping our progress to eradicate those behind this" Gary let out a small laugh. "Dr Tillman. I did nothing of the sort. You brought everyone here. I just played along, giving a small nudge in the right direction when needed. When we succeeded in creating a being of near perfection" he said with a motion towards Willow "That's when the unfortunate thing happened. She escaped. Her mind had been altered but yet still deep down managed to retain some threads of memory. She returned to the places she once use to know so well. Cleric Street, her home" "How am I perfection, I'm no different to any other girl" Willow said Gary ignored this and continued "She went to places she once knew oh so well, but on top of this the new programming in her brain was taking over. The new survival instincts, the ability to take more pain and damage to her own body than a normal person would be able to sustain. The ability of having enhanced senses, so in a way we created a new breed of soldier more so than a new breed of person for everyday society" "So that explains why....why I was able to shoot that soldier in the forest, and, and the ones in the hallway without a second thought" Gary just nodded. "You're our new breed of soldier Willow, and together we can do anything" "I want no part in this" Willow said and walked away. "Our dear friend Dr Tillman here went out after you. Well, after I myself altered his mind so that I could nudge him in the right direction. I played the puppeteer. So if there were ever a mole, it was Dr Tillman here, not I. He located you with the rest of the resistance, which I will admit was real. The conflict was bound to happen once word got out in the local papers. So the military stepped in and well, spots of resistance popped up, which actually added to my deck of cards, Tillman being a card that fitted in perfectly. He found you and led you home, here Willow. So what do you say?" He said and crossed the room to me standing before me. I look around at everything and now it seems a lot clearer. Why things have happen the way they have and my heighten senses and abilities. Why I felt so at home on Cleric Street. It was my real home. That was really my room, by teddy bear. My life. They took it all away from me. For what? To create a "perfect' soldier to use as they like, to create more like me to kill. No, no this isn't me. I can still be who I want. I'm still in control of my own mind. I stand and look over at Tillman and then at Gary who was standing before me. A small smile crosses my lips as I take a few steps towards him and land a hard blow to his stomach making him fall to his knees. "No Gary, this ends here"
   

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Comments

    Grammar and punctuation.

    Interesting. Don't rush through the ending.
    I agree with Don; take your time, and do this right - it deserves it.

    Well done.
    Same comments as before. You have a great tale here. You just need to clean things up a bit.