Since White

Story written by Malicepoint on Wednesday 26, May 2010

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Description
Part 2, took a while

Overall Rating: 87%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 87% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:90%
Imagery:87%
Spelling & Grammar:84%
Flow/Rhythm:87.666666666667%
Vocabulary:86.333333333333%
As those hopefully meaningful words left my mouth, I was cringing within myself for a response that would make this feeling of guilt, edge its way out of my soul. You could say that I was about to break down with gloom and doom of the weeks that have occurred but as the women spoke her next words my soul was revived with a tinge of hope to know this women in the future. "You know John," she said looking right back into my eyes with a serous face. "Mother had this tale, and each time I heard it I would realize why mother had ... saved me." I knew at that moment what she was going to say, but never would I have spoiled this moment for her or for me. To say something would have made me a lesser man, and her a women who was wasting her time. "What makes and adult an adult or a child a child, isn't the actions they may do but what they do when they believe their" she said took a moment to straighten her wavering voice, "alone." I could see it in her eyes that she wasn't ready to say the rest of it, so taking a fistful of courage from a source even unkown to me. I took a step forward and embraced her stiflling tears into my chest. She was scared, fritened for the only security in her life to be taken away so easily. I was no longer sad but angry, not at anyone else.But at myself. Where had I been when she was hurting. At a funeral that I didn't even deserve to hold. I should have known and been with this women all my life. Even though she had knew many things about me. She didn't know of my company, nor of my own decisions that I have made. But here she was crying in the chest of a man, who was foreign to her in one respect, but not in another. "Then mother would say," I began slowly where she left off " Adults like us are just like you, and then I'd always say: How?" I had to stop for a moment to smile, remembering all the times I had said the same reply just to here the same answer. " Well you see, adults may look bigger than you and they may look smarter than you but they are just little children like you in a bigger sandbox." I continued "Sandbox, I would say when I was little. But dey are huuuumongeisousoses" I said mimiking my voice when child voice. "That's why some adults can get lost. Playing in the sand is so fun that we don't know when to stop and that's why we make mistakes where you kids can't. So be happy, since you aren't like us mean old stupid adults just yet." It wasn't me who had this but her. Hearing finish had reminded me of all those time that I made pacts with those adults who promised to act more kid like for my sake, which brought another smile to my face. When I finally looked down I found that she was looking upwards at me and staring. I said then what I had been wishing to say for a long time. "I shall always be there for you, Kelly. And not because wr're family but because I love you"
   

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Comments

    Some punctuation errors. Also, using the wrong word. Improved over part one.

    Interesting tale.
    So far, a good story.
    Good use some cleaning.
    Interesting, but you do have a point;

    you need a proofreader.

    A nice concept.