Invasion of the WHAT???

Story written by Pritrostell on Tuesday 18, May 2010

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Description
Thats right, I'm trying to put my own BG to shame!

Overall Rating: 91.15%

This writing has been rated by 4 members, resulting in a rating of 91.15% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:93.75%
Imagery:90.75%
Spelling & Grammar:89%
Flow/Rhythm:91.5%
Vocabulary:90.75%
A Note from the Author
This isn't a real story... well it is but, it's hard to explain. I did this as a joke to something I said earlier. It's based off of a really odd concept that I tried to make into a short story. Hope it works Pfft ________________________________________________________________________
Invasion of the WHAT???
It's a wonderful 85 degrees outside, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and a nice cool breeze is coming in from the north. Absolutely nothing bad about today's weather. I turned off the radio and swung my feet around the side of the bed. I vigorously rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I slipped on my cowboy slippers and made my way to the window. I opened the blinds to reveal the truth of the weatherman's claim. I stood for a few moments staring out into the town of Tentsville, Carney. The trees were lightly swaying and the birds really were singing as they flew this way and that, collecting bits of everything they could find. "Nathan! Breakfast!" I grabbed my house coat and made my way downstairs to find my mother cooking up bacon. Liz, my sister, was already munching on some toast while she colored in a picture of an elephant with a green crayon. She was only four but I couldn't help but laugh at her choice of color. "Whats so funny Nay-nay?" She called me that because she couldn't say my name properly. "Nothing, I like your drawing Liz." I smiled and tried to be nice. I guess it worked because she blew me a kiss and went back to her toast and elephant. I grabbed my plate and quickly formed a bacon sandwich out of the toast and scrambled eggs. "Thanks for the breakfast mom, I'm going to Charles' for a bit!" I threw on my shoes in exchange for my slippers and started out the door. "Don't forget we're going out after lunch!" I turned and nodded at her through the kitchen window before heading through the front gate and down the street.
***
Tentsville was a great place to live. It was mostly suburban but there were trees and wooded paths all around. The green grass and colorful plants on every ones front lawn made it a very calm and friendly area. Charles lives on Lions Road, one of the poorer streets. He doesn't have very much as far as possessions go, but he's the most fun friend I have. We've been best friends for as long as I can remember, so probably sometime around kindergarten. We were sixteen now, and could go pretty much anywhere in the city without our moms worrying. Today we decided that we were going into one of the wooded paths to make a fort. We had spare wood, nails, a couple of chairs, and an old tire. It was going to be great, and of course no girls would be allowed in. Yep, everything was going to be great today, or so I thought. I had reached the end of Charles' street when A flaming tennis ball flew past my head. It pinged off of a lamp post and fell to the ground beside me. I turned around to find an alien juggling five more flaming tennis balls. I was in such a shock that I didn't know what to do. I was a stationary target. Two more flaming tennis balls came whizzing at me and I barely reacted in time to get away from them. I turned towards Charles' street and ran straight for his house, not once looking back to see if more tennis balls were headed my way.
***
"Charles! Charles! Look quick!" I bolted through his front gate and threw the door open. Charles was sitting at his table eating his breakfast. "What?!" He stood up in surprise, spilling crumbs and bits of jam all over. "there's an... an alien... flaming tennis balls... look..." I bent over and tried to catch my breath. Charles got up and stuck his head out of the door, looking towards my house. "There's nothing there dude, no aliens and certainly no flaming tennis balls... what did you say you had for breakfast?" I shot him a sarcastically angry look before sitting down at his table. "I swear there was an alien there. You say you don't see the tennis balls either?" He shook his head. "So, your wild imagination behind us, we still making that fort today?" "Hell yea..." "Watch your language young man, or I'll have your mother on the phone faster than you can say sorry." "Sorry Mrs. Lancaster." I blushed and smiled at her. "But yeah, only problem is my mom is taking me and Liz out after lunch, so whatever we don't finish we'll have to do tomorrow." "No worries, I have homework to do later anyways." He finished his breakfast, said by to his mom, and we gathered all our supplies in a wagon and went to the path. As we got to the path, I turned and looked for the flaming tennis balls; oddly enough, there was no sign of tennis balls, or an alien. I shrugged it off as still being half asleep and we went into the wooded path to make the god of all forts.
   

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Comments

    Superb! Very enjoyable! Good job!
    Oh my, this was great! Kerri will have a fit, of course.

    A few errors:

    "What?!"- only one punctuation mark

    "there's an... an alien- sentences start with uppercase

    by-bye
    A very enjoyable, easy to read story.

    Don's got the main errors, so,

    Very well written.
    I can't believe people actually enjoyed this lol. This was purely a challenge to myself after coming up with the conecpt as "something you shouldn't do as a concept" lol.

    I guess I kinda failed there Pfft
    Good is good, Prito - there's no escaping it my friend.
    Great fun! Smile