Upon an Angel's smile

Fantasy written by Dnavarre on Monday 10, May 2010

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Description
A day in your arms, a moment in your eyes

Overall Rating: 92.2%

This writing has been rated by 7 members, resulting in a rating of 92.2% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:94.428571428571%
Imagery:95%
Spelling & Grammar:88.714285714286%
Flow/Rhythm:90.857142857143%
Vocabulary:92%
Her violet eyes lit up the afternoon sun and, in turn, danced miracles off her glistening lips. The glittering laid against everything and made it all beautiful; the naked trees, the golden-brown foliage they left littered on the snow-white grass, the grass itself, all the insects that crawled upon it, and even the checkered blanket upon which rested a few apple cores and a small twined basket. A soft and sighing wind wandered into our small campsite and just as quickly left, embarrassed. She was waiting for somebody to make a move. The smell of roses radiated off her heavily, and it was okay. Her pale and clawed hand scurried up her shaded legs, folded carefully under her. Memory moaned behind her like a motion picture; a memory of the future. Kids prancing playfully in tall grass, many a fire in an already moonlit area with two people laying down, arms outstretched to point out the shapes of stars, and the smile that somehow, against all impossibilities, captured all her inhumane and providential beauty. She tilted her head, and the smile was gone. There was one still warming her lips, but now it was more polite. "What are you looking at?" she asked in a miraculous harmony she had proven with songs through the morning. Not even the dryness heard in her throat hurt it. "Nothing." I replied and softly shoved her to the ground. In her giggles, our lips met once more.
   

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Comments

    fun fact: This was written just an hour after finishing my paper on koalas, the laziest animal in existence besides humans.
    Lolz; what about moggies?

    There are some incredible sentences in here, but one confuses me.

    The glittering laid against everything and made it all beautiful; not sure if that works..glittering? glittering what?

    Very poetic work tho. Love it.
    Yeah. Glittering was left over from a changed sentence. Damn.
    Very poetic. I think the word shove might be too strong and out of character with the rest.
    i agree with the above; other than that i loved it =-D
    Replace 'shove' with laid
    I loved this! Beautiful imagery, i agree that "shove" is too harsh, perhaps replace with teased?...though just a suggestion. Smile
    I meant what I said. He softly shoved her. Gently shoved her. Forcefully pushed her, playfully.
    Nicely done.
    its good but the first part runs on, you should break it up and elaborate. its dstracting from what could be a decent bit of writing.